Impastor

Previously on "Impastor."

Oh!

What I want is that watch,

and you're gonna get it for me,

or I'm gonna put a bullet in the redhead

I saw you hugging this morning.

That's crazy, 'cause I was gonna ask you to prom too.

Did you know that he was gonna ask me?

Ray said that if he did not get his money today,

he was gonna burn down the church.

What's the damage?

My car's totaled, but the church is fine.

Thank God.

Appreciate your concern.

I'm just glad no one was hurt.

But who knows where this Lutheran hater will strike next?

Maybe we should cancel the Future Farmers event.

Good idea. Dora, now you can get outta town

and take that vacation you keep talking about.

No! If we cancel the Pancake Pig-out,

the terrorists win.

We're Lutheran,

nobody stops our fundraising breakfasts.

Yeah, Russell, get with the program.

We're gonna fight this SOB.

Buddy, can I see you a second?

Uh, and let the record show,

this blunder did not happen on my shift.

No, it was...

I got a text from Ray.

"Car's gone. You're next."

I had two big problems... I had to protect Alexa

and I had to get that watch to save Dora.

Alexa, swing by and pick me up.

We're going to Portland.

I'll tell you on the way.

Excuse me, excuse me, Pastor,

I-I need to talk to you about the terrorist situation.

But while I'm here,

I have something of a confidential nature

to discuss.

Look, Alden, I got a lot...

Oh, Reverend, I-I...

you know, last night I was with Ashlee,

and as things got, well, amorous...

Ugh.

My man parts finished without permission.

You pre-jacked?

I-I...

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's very embarrassing,

but, you know, it happens to everyone.

So it's happened to you?

No. Never.

Well, at first I blamed the friction

from Alexa's damn disco trousers,

but upon reflection, I wonder

if it isn't some message from God.

God?

Why would God turn on the sprinklers

before the first pitch?

Maybe He's punishing me

for pursuing another woman while I'm still married.

This was a golden opportunity to get Schmidt away from Ashlee.

Yes, Alden, that's exactly what God's doing.

If I were you, I'd listen

before He shuts off your sprinkler for good.

So you have a friend in Portland

who might lend you $20,000? Who is this guy?

Look out!

Learn how to drive, you bi...

Ah!

Road rage kills. I've got this.

Going somewhere?

As a matter of fact, I got a lead on the watch.

I should have it in a few hours.

Good, 'cause I'm getting impatient.

And when I get impatient, bad things happen to redheads.

Huh.

What the hell was her problem?

Spider in the car.

I told her to catch and release.

What?

All God's creatures are precious.

Let's go.

Ugh.

I'm so glad I found you in time.

I'm going spatula shopping for the Pancake Pig-out.

Do you prefer plastic or metal?

Oh, I'm sorry, you're letting me

make my own choices now? Thanks.

Come on, you're not still mad about the prom thing, are you?

Russell, I just can't help but think

what would've happened if I had gone to prom

with Jeremy instead of you.

Well, there's a good chance you wouldn't have gotten

a purple anthurium corsage.

Maybe we would've fallen in love.

Maybe he was the perfect guy for me.

He wasn't. Believe me.

Why not?

Because...

he just wasn't, okay?

Well, I guess we'll never know,

thanks to your selfishness.

- Dora, I... - Russell, you're supposed to be

my friend, okay? You're not supposed to prom-block me.

I would never do anything to hurt you,

and if you don't know that, then...

maybe we shouldn't be Pig-out partners.

I quit.

If you didn't take the money from the Boston bank robbery,

then why would Kenny and Ray think you did?

How should I know how their sick minds work?

I was an innocent bystander.

Alexa, innocent bystanders don't usually

drive getaway cars.

Kenny tricked me.

He said he was making a withdrawal.

I didn't know it was with a gun.

I wanted to believe she was telling me the truth,

but first, I had to lie to her.

Pull over.

This is where I'm meeting my friend.

All right, wait here, I shouldn't be too long.

Hey, you.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I have a delivery for a Detective Hyde.

What happened to the regular guy?

Where's Kwon?

Deported.

Hyde's in there.

Psst. Hyde.

I don't know you.

It's okay, you can know me. I need to talk to you.

- Is this a test? - No.

That's what you would say if this was a test.

I know you took something from Damien's grave,

and I need it back.

I didn't take anything from the grave.

Need I remind you I am an FBI agent

and that grave-robbery is a felony?

Okay, fine. Here, pull.

No. Not those!

Jesus Christ, the watch, man.

That I don't have anymore.

I used it to pay for a hooker in Ladner.

- What? - Yeah,

this cute, little blonde chick

with a butterfly tattoo on her neck.

Are you sure you gave it to her?

I gave it to her all right.

Hey, Kwon.

Hello?

Yo, you missing something?

Where is she?

- Buddy, we're at a motel... - Shut up!

You know it looked like the two of you were running.

I didn't like that, Buddy.

We weren't running. I was going to get your money.

So you have it?

Not yet.

You see, that is too bad, because now

I'm gonna have to keep your girlfriend until you do.

Jeremy, hi.

- Brought the wristbands. - Oh.

Thank you, but couldn't you have given them to me

tomorrow at the Pancake Pig-out?

Yeah, but then I wouldn't have

an excuse to come by and see you.

Oh.

Oh, come in.

The thing is,

I wasn't completely honest with you yesterday.

About what?

About Chelsea.

She and I are... getting divorced.

Really?

Really.

- Yeah. - Aww.

It's my fault. It...

between running my businesses and my charity work,