A.P. Bio

I don't want to hear it.

Cinderella doesn't have to put up with this shit.

I have given you enough chances.

Do you know how many times I've heard you say,

"I'll change; I swear I'll change"?

But you don't change.

I got bit,

and I don't know which one of you did it,

'cause you all look alike, but it's time to go.

Please leave.

Over your dead bodies, huh?

We will see about that.

One, two, three, four!

Mr. Griffin, what are you doing here so early?

And why are you wearing a tie?

Did someone die?

As a matter of fact, yes, Anthony,

Professor Bruce J. Vogel

of the University of Wisconsin philosophy department.

And the University of Wisconsin needs to replace him,

so I'm polishing up a lecture on transcendentalism

that I'm going to record and submit.

Wisconsin can be, like, my rebound school.

I thought we were your rebound school.

No, Grace.

Whitlock is, like... like, my drunken back alley hookup.

Winter break is coming up just in time, Mr. Griffin,

a little respite from the doldrums?

Do not engage me in small talk.

You'll never guess what Captain Nasty

is doing for winter break.

I'm just staying home.

Me. I'm Captain Nasty.

Everyone please call me that.

Mr. Griffin, U.W. Madison is eight hours away.

If you move, will you miss us?

And also, what will happen with you and the lovely Lynette?

I'm not worried about that. We'll be fine.

I won't miss any of this.

Yeah, no...

If we're doing nicknames,

I would like people to begin calling me Chop Shop.

So he says, "Time for lunch."

And I says, "How about Wendy's?"

And he says, "I'd prefer Burger King."

Hi. So I says,

"Why don't we go to Arby's so no one gets what they want?"

Hey, Ms. Hofstadter.

Hey... laundry day?

No, I'm actually recording that lecture today.

Figured I'd give them the full Harvard shock and awe.

Oh.

Hey, it's not too late for you to join me

on my Habitat for Humanity trip.

I'd love to see you in Daisy Dukes and a tool belt.

You know, this is the third time you've brought that up.

Is this a real thing you need me to do?

Mary, I renew my rejection of this whole

cabin in the woods business.

I mean, I don't know how many times I have to tell you.

I don't do full nature.

Are you kidding? We are gonna have so much fun.

Three foxy mamas in the great outdoors.

We're either gonna meet a Bigfoot,

a Brawny paper towel man, or a Leatherface.

And as you know,

two out of the three are my type.

I'm mean, it's sure to beat Michelle's pick

of San Antonio from last year.

I promised my dad I would tour the Pace Picante factory

before he died, so I did it, and then he died right away,

and now my mom sort of blames me for it,

so yeah, Stef, really dull trip.

So just so I have this straight,

you guys pick an unappealing destination each year,

and then you just sit around all week?

We talk. We make dinners.

We play our own original games. Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God, and the games are gonna be so good this year.

We've got "Armpit, Knee Pit, Toe Pit, Mouth,".

"Roof or Scare," "Guess Whose Butt."

Dog Food Edition."

Woof. Arf.

Well, those games sound terrible.

Only if you don't like dog food.

Hey, what's with the tie, Jack?

Are you covering up a soup stain?

Did you have soup for breakfast, Jack?

No, I'm taping a lecture on transcendentalism

as described by Henry David Thoreau.

Well, I'm more interested in Justin Theroux,

speaking of Brawny paper towel men.

Hey, gang.

You want to know what I'll be up to over winter break,

you'll have to get "inline."

'Cause my skates.

But do it quick like you're ripping off a Band-Aid,

unless the Band-Aid is the only thing

holding on a chunk of your finger.

Oh, yeah, Ralph.

Oh, oh, hey... Oh, hey, Jack.

Jack, do you tell your siblings that you love them?

Um, I don't have any siblings,

but I like to think that if I did,

I, uh... I would not.

Oh. Well, I do.

I have a brother, Dennis Durbin,

and this is the week that I finally tell him

that I love him.

Wow, hey, big step. Right?

I'm gonna hold him down, and I'm gonna yell in his face,

"Bro, I love you.

Deal with it."

You can do it.

Okay, hey, great plan.

So the reason I'm here is, uh...

What's my break like? No.

Oh, well, every year around this time,

I meet up with an old friend.

You want to know the backstory?

No, I don't, but thank you for asking.

Would you change your mind if I told you

that she's been accused of eating eight people?

Oh, yes, obviously. Eight people.

Yeah, no, go, go, go, go, go. What happened?

15, 20 years ago I spent my last pesos

getting from Cancun to Isla Mujeres,

which I misunderstood to be some magical lesbian paradise,

you know, where it's only accessible

to horny young ladies with the purest of hearts.

But it turns out it was just a resort town.

Anyhow, I got a job feeding chum to sharks

at the local shark sanctuary.

So one day in the sanctuary... This part.

I was a little late on feeding time,

and one of these babies, oh, she got hangry.

And she tried to chomp my me-meat.

Yikes. Now, if I would have followed

Mexican fish laws,

I would have had to have her put down,

but I refused to testify much to the chagrin.

And then that toothy gal,

she thanked me with a little bow,

so every year now I fly down there,

and we boop noses,

and I feed her a bucket of chum.

It's really sweet.

You tricked me, Helen.

Ralph, I came to ask you if I could borrow

the AV equipment that's in your office

to make a quick video after school tonight.

To record your side of our "Amazing Race"

submission video?

Uh, still no on that, bud.

Yeah, it's hard for me to tell where to come in

on some of those raps.

They're... They're a little advanced.

They're all yours, just lock up afterward, because...

Whoo!

Have a nice break.

You too. Bye.

Whoo-whee.

Okay.

To achieve its perfect form,

a caterpillar must withdraw and complete itself alone

in its cocoon.

Likewise, for us to achieve spiritual perfection

in the view of transcendentalists

like Henry David Thoreau,

it is necessary to retreat from the mindless

and negative influences of society.

Which is why Walden concludes with the idea

of that selfsame butterfly,

whose beauty is a call to action

for all to seek enlightenment along the path set forth

by Justin Theroux.

Oh, Justin Theroux.

Justin Theroux? Oh, God.

Augh, I was right at the end.

God, that's frustrating.

To achieve its perfect form,

a caterpillar must withdraw...

Subscribed to the Lockean image of the mind,

but Thoreau thought that that interpretation...

th... that interpre... th... that?

To that?

Okay, yeah, no, Thoreau thought that that...

Thoreau thought that that... That...

Thoreau thought that that... that... that...

that... that... that...

Is that right?

Oh, boy.

Here we go. Here we go!

To achieve its perfect form,

a caterpillar must withdraw and complete itself alone...

The icy pond water awakened

not just his body but...

oh, why can't... Why can't I do this?

Of course, low blood sugar.

I need food.