Generation Kill

Quizmaster, this is Godfather. I have you loud and clear.

Stand by for tasking.

Your mission is to conduct this feint in force,

uncover enemy positions prior to the main force's arrival.

- How copy? - Roger. Solid copy on all.

One, two, three,

four little people outside.

Plus the three old ladies.

Look, Gabe. Haji soccer.

Tough little haji.

My grandma used to beat me with a 2x4.

Your grandma mean like that, Gabe?

No, man. My grandma hit me because she loved me

and she wanted me to turn out good.

Hitman Two, this is Two One.

We've had eyes on the village for over one hour now.

There are seven women and children,

no adult males.

No sign of the men who fired those mortars.

How copy?

This is Hitman Two. Solid copy.

Ray,

- what the fuck is that smell? - M.R.E. cookies.

What I did was I saved up all those creamer packets

and all the sugars and I mixed in peanut butter until I sort of made...

Don't set your face on fire again.

Word to the motherfuckin' street, yo!

I was not the one who set my face on fire.

I was the fuckin' victim and you know it.

Sergeant Colbert,

I was thinking...

Those trees over there behind us,

maybe the guys who fired at us were in them.

Much as I appreciate Rolling Stone's tactical input,

but I'm confident in the birds.

Birds?

Anything moves in those trees, birds don't sing.

- Sgt. Espera? - Yeah?

Do you have any more of that enactionshit?

- Tenactin. - Yeah, 'cause this thing...

Jesus Christ!

Did we call it, Sergeant?

- Someone called it. - Fucking Godfather called it,

- 1,000-pounder from a navy F-18. - God damn it.

- We don't have the full picture. - It was on fucking battalion tac.

We had mortars fire at us from somewhere near that hamlet. Maybe...

Maybe inside.

The bad guys shoot and scoot. By the time we hit bac they're gone.

I am not the one who asked the enemy to mix in with the civilian populace

and use them as cover to attack us.

- This is Hitman Two. R.T.B. Over. - Roger.

We're moving out.

Man, we keep making the same fucking mistakes.

My fucking cookies got schwacked.

What the fuck is his problem?

Come on, Ray.

We're Oscar Mike.

Someone around here is hiding a mortar team!

I warn you again, we will destroy your village

not only if you yourself are hostile,

but if you are harboring any enemy elements!

Is he threatening me?

He's grateful to be liberated and pleased to cooperate.

These people are worse than the goddamn V.C.!

Dave, we've got Meesh.

Not that we're doing any better than the French in Indochina.

I mean, we're making every french mistake, right?

This dude has some cool shit.

Give me the map board.

Moreno, how much longer we gonna be here?

He said the men came from outside,

- not from his village. - How many men?

He used a word that means a lot of dudes.

And he says they're planning to ambush us once we cross the bridge.

Said there are men on the east side, north side, and the west side.

And the men on the east side, they got the big guns.

All Hitman Victors, this is Hitman.

- Hitman Three is debriefing locals. - Hey, Person.

Didn't your mom put your picture up on the Wal-Mart wall of heroes?

Yep.

My grandma did when I went to Afghanistan.

I'm on the Nevada, Missouri Wal-Mart wall of heroes.

Even got my dress blues on.

If my mother ever distributed my likeness without written authorization,

I would disown her.

Technically speaking, Brad,

but didn't your biological parents disown you

when they put you up for adoption?

Point, Ray.

I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper-middle-class professionals

and nurtured in an environment of learning,

art, and a socio-religious culture

steeped in over two thousand years of talmudic tradition.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised

in a Whiskey Tango trailer park by a bowlegged female

whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb

that happened to catch a sperm of a passing truck driver.

At least my mom took me to Nascar.

Your dad's a truck driver?

You okay?

It's all good, brother.

Hello.

Asalaam alaikum.

That doesn't get you, poke?

Come on, it'll be good for you.

Asalaam alaikum.

Here.

Here you go.

See?

Don't you feel better?

Fuck it, dawg.

You think giving them some rice and a chocolate bar is gonna fix things?

Change of plan.

We have a village here providing info on a possible ambush on the road ahead.

Well, let me guess, sir.

The plan is for us to drive into it and draw fire.

You'll be happy to know there is no plan for this.

Godfather's pulling us back.

The R.C.T. is pushing up some L.A.Vs to clear out the ambush.

We're staying in a wadi south of the bridge.

Get some!

This is how this ought to be fought.

We feel our way up these back roads, generate intelligence,

and they send some real ass in to deal with it.

You really believe pulling us back from one ambush

represents a change in strategy?

There's no reason battalion can't accidentally make

a smart decision now and then.

Even a broke-ass clock is right twice a day.

What's this I'm hearing about Casey Kasem

going around in front of E-3s and 2s, calling Lieutenant Fick a coward?

Yeah.

Jesus fucking Christ.

At least we ain't in the position of having to babysit our platoon Commander.

I heard back in the rear once they had a plan

to push Navy psychiatrists forward to combat units.

Yeah, I scoffed then, but if ever there was a candidate to be locked up

in the rubber tent, we know who he is.

Can you imagine what the doctors would make of Ray Person?

Need I remind you that he is the best damn R.T.O. in the business?

As long as you keep him away from your uglier daughters

and your smaller livestock.

No.

The individual who needs his head examined is the man responsible

for taking arguably the finest damn independent

recon operators of any military in the world,

and dropping us in Humvee platoons

to lead a parade of pogs, officers, and heavily-armed subhuman morons

like Casey Kasem across Mesopotamia.

How much does Uncle Sam spend on us?

Jump school, dive school, mountain warfare, ranger school, S.E.R.E.

That's a $1,000,000 on average to train up 0321s like us.

And here we are,

perfectly-tuned Ferraris in a demolition derby.

It sure isn't Afghanistan.

Any of us had been running our teams in that AO,

we sure wouldn't have dropped a bomb on that village

like they did this morning.

Gentlemen,

to Afghanistan.

In Somalia we were still able to target these legit motherfuckers...

Hold what you got, warriors.

- November Juliet's coming around. - Better watch your face, Ray.

Rudy's got the espresso pot brewing.

Yeah, it's obvious I was wrong about invading Iraq for NAMBLA.

It turns out we're actually here to set up a forward Starbucks.

Christ, look, we've already inserted our Fruity Barista.

Thank you very much.

Now all we need is some shitty fucking music playing,

like Norah Jones,

a couple of high-school girls getting super fat on iced lattes,

a homeless guy trying to scam the key to the restroom,

and some faggot writing his novel on a laptop.

Gunny, this must steam Godfather,

letting other guys go into an ambush instead of us.

I've never understood what the whole rush was about in the first place.

There is no doubt America is gonna beat Saddam's military.

- So why rush this shit? - Ray,

remember that guy that got his dick cut off and sewed back on?

Yeah. John Wayne Bobbit.

- He's a former Marine. - What other famous Marines were there?

Lee Harvey Oswald,

that old children's television show host Captain Kangaroo, he was one;

and uh, the guy

who climbed the university of Texas clock tower and shot 16 people.

- No presidents? - Closest we got was Oswald.

- I met John Wayne Bobbit. - Get the fuck out of here.

I interviewed him when he was trying to be a porn star.

- He did this movie where - Nice!

He fucked a midget.

A Marine will fuck anything.

She was a nice girl, seriously.

Here you go, Gunny.

Thank you, Rudy.

Looks like we're in for a cold night by the way

- that Zoolander's nipples are twisted. - Thanks, Rude.

Let me hook you up, my backwoods brother.

Pappy.

I always gotta fix you up, Pap.

Looks like you've got some chafing here from your sapi plate.