Four Weddings and a Funeral

Previously on Four Weddings and a Funeral...

I love you, and I've never said that to anybody.

I wanna be with you.

Well, I wanna be with a senator,

so stop kissing your communications director

and get back to work.

Ted Spencer has been involved

in an extramarital affair.

Haskins worked for Spencer as a dog walker.

- I didn't come for you. - I came for your blood sugar.

If I'm not here, you'll just have coffee and chocolate bar.

Finally got my letter from Penguin Publishing.

Would you please...

"Although it shows great promise,

we regret that we are unable to publish it at this time."

I hate my job, and I've always wanted to act.

- Hi, my name's Gemma. - I'm Ainsley's best friend.

- Come on in. - Maya!

See those girls over there playing soccer?

- See the one in the red shorts? - Yeah.

- That's my daughter. - What did Zara say?

Craig...

Would you still like to get a drink with me sometime?

Maybe.

So, you know you had that stupid idea

that I should stay in London? I think I'm gonna do it.

Are you serious?

I have a daughter.

So you told Maya before you told me?

I'm sorry, I just didn't think you'd understand.

Wouldn't understand?

Why wouldn't you go with me to Stonehenge?

I don't know. It sounds dorky.

Like Lord of the Rings.

Oh... oh, hi. Hi, Mom.

We need to talk.

Hey, Maya, great to see you.

Hi, Mrs. Howard.

Mm.

So, did you and Dad have a nice time in Bali

on my honeymoon?

He got terrible food poisoning.

He's resting in the hotel.

He can't eat exotic food like rice.

Oh, when do you guys fly back to Texas?

Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Your father and I think you should come home with us.

Wait, what?

You need a fresh start away from that man.

I knew he was trouble from the beginning,

and not because he's Muslim.

I like Muslims.

I watch Dr. Oz every day.

- Mom, my whole life is here. - What about my store?

You mean the store that your father and I pay rent on?

That is an investment in Ainsley Howard Designs.

What about the mortgage that we pay on this townhouse?

That is an investment in Ainsley Howard the woman.

Listen, your father and I've been happy

to help you out the last couple of years,

but after that extravagant wedding,

we have reached our limit. Think about it, honey.

I don't need to think about it.

All my friends are here. I'm staying, Mom.

- I admire your tenacity. - Thank you.

And it's gonna come in handy,

because we're cutting you off.

Oh, God.

- Oh, my God! - It's is not a big deal.

Dude, I'm unemployed, and your mom just cut you off.

We are one month away from being Dickensian urchins.

- No, we're not. - No.

I run a very successful home design store.

You're gonna get a job. We're gonna be fine.

- You think so? - Yeah, I know so.

Okay, well, we need to be smarter about money.

- Yeah. - So let's cook our own dinner tonight.

- Great! - I'll book a cooking class.

No, Ains.

Yeah, I'll Google how to make hot dogs.

Why would you quit your job?

Because acting's the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

I'm tired of living my life just to please other people.

Oh, I don't know, man.

All the actors I knew in college

ended up dead or working at a Hard Rock Cafe.

Yeah, well, I've already got an audition lined up.

It's an open call for A Midsummer Night's Dream.

My life sucks.

You're gonna leave me to play a wood sprite or some shit,

and I haven't heard from Zara in a week.

- Hey, man, she'll come back. - She always does.

- I don't know, man. - This feels different.

You should have seen her.

She was really upset.

Well, listen, I'm always here to talk.

Thanks, man.

For the next few weeks at least.

After that, I'll be too famous.

Ugh, "too famous."

- Hey. - Hi.

Nice suit.

You solving crimes in a small British seaside town?

No, worse.

I have a job interview

with this old crusty member of Parliament.

- Who? - Have you ever heard of Andrew Aldridge?

- Oh, yeah, isn't he gay? - He can't be that bad.

- I looked him up. - He's that bad.

Andrew Aldridge is the epitome of old school white privilege.

He's completely out of touch

with the priorities of real people,

and in general is kind of a jerk.

And congratulating the Honorable Member

Thibault Server on once again having absolutely nothing

intelligent to say on this subject.

I emailed every political connection I had,

and he's the only response I got.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Wait, why do you look hot?

I do not look hot.

- Oh, my God. - Did you contour your face?

You did! Your nose is, like this thin.

Fine.

I'm going to Craig's office later.

He's gonna help me figure out my money stuff.

Oh, Craig's office, which he shares with Kash.

I thought you didn't believe in looking hot to go see your ex.

Okay, Miss Marple, you got me.

I wanna look hot when I see the man that left me at the altar.

- Is that pathetic? - No, no, it's necessary.

- Good luck. - Thank you.

Oh dear, where's Ainsley, Gemma?

Oh, well, I don't know.

I mean, she's never been late before.

Poor thing.

Probably doesn't want to show her face after what happened.

Do you have any idea why her fiancé called it off?

Was he cheating because she was boring

or was he cheating because she was tacky?

He wasn't cheating, she was too good for him.

Look, why don't we just start? I'm sure she'll be along.

Ha! We can't very well play two-on-one.

Can we?

Maybe 'Stasi and I should play singles,

just until you find a partner, Gemma.

Shouldn't be a problem, a woman of her pedigree.

Bye-bye.

It was horrible, Quentin.

God, darling, they're awful.

Why wasn't Ainsley there?

- I don't know. - Maybe she's injured.

Americans are so cavalier about crossing the street here,

because we have free healthcare.

Well, she doesn't look injured.

She's in her living room chatting with Maya.

Is she?

I mean, this is very conservative.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Like hell I will.

Hmm.

So, if you could have any other job in the world

except for French teacher, what would it be?

Um, I guess a French tutor.

Does that count?

No, no, that does not count.

- I'm sorry. - Okay... 'kay, what about you?

Uh, well, you're gonna think this is kinda lame,

but I've always kind of thought of myself as a novelist.

- Really? - Yeah.

You seem too stable and well-adjusted to be a novelist.

Hmm, well, actually, I have, uh, quite a dark past.

Half my grandparents are dead.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - No, no, no I'm just kidding.

So, do you fancy yourself as a novelist

or have you written anything?

Yeah, actually, a whole book.

- No. - What's it about?

It's a quiet epic spanning six generations.

One New England family coping with love, loss,

and the decline of the cod industry.

Oh, my God, that sounds brilliant.

Would you ever let anybody read it?

- Are you kidding? - Yeah!

No, I'll go print you off a copy right now.

I should probably email it to you. It's 1,400 pages long.

Wow.

Can't wait.

George, I love working on the acquisitions team...

And you did a great job with the Asia-Pacific fund.

I'd say you have a real yen for it.

Thanks, but recently, I've been reassessing my life,

and I've decided to pursue acting full time.

Look, mate, I get what this is about.

Huh?

How 'bout a 20% raise?

This isn't about a raise.

- Sure, it isn't. - 30%.

No, look, this is just something I have to do.