Corporate

- I'm, like, stoked right now. - I bet you are. I know you.

Clancy! Welcome back! How was your vacation?

Oh, it was amazing. Thank you guys so much for the itinerary.

Now, tell me you went to that café.

Oh, best biscotti I've ever had.

That biscotti ruined me for American biscotti.

- Did you go on the hike? - Yes! Oh, the vista!

All the vistas in America are trash.

- Did you... - Yes. Amazing.

What is this place?

Oh, Kate.

The beauty is indescribable,

but here's what it looked like.

It's God's country.

I'm gonna have an eighth of my ashes scattered there.

You've seen trees before,

but when you go there, you'll realize

you had no fucking clue what trees were.

They call it Trivallo.

- Trivallo? - Unh-unh.

Tri-vaaaaaah-o.

It's economically decimated.

But culturally, it's bursting with riches.

I bought a magnet with my name on it. There's this restaurant.

It's in the ocean. You have to try it.

Now, you're gonna get wet, but that's part of it.

You must try the Eucharist at the cathedral.

It ruined me for American Eucharist.

Best ruins I've ever seen.

Ruined me for American ruins.

Now, I don't wanna oversell it,

but let's just say you are finally gonna understand

why I started spelling "color" with a "U."

Goodbye, everyone!

I'm off to Trivallo!

So...

how was it?

It was...

...amazing!

You two have to go.

- Nah. - Okay.

Ooh!

Matt! Calling me so soon?

I guess you're already bored of the vacation

you went into credit-card debt to take.

Oh, it's beautiful here.

The energy in the air is just different.

The people here are very...

European.

It's hard to describe,

but I definitely like it better than America.

I hope you enjoy pretending to have fun

while I enjoy having the office all to myself.

Yeah, right. You miss me. Say it.

Say you miss me.

Matt, I'm sure of two things in this world...

I will die of a stroke in a condo

and I will not miss you this week.

By the way, did you sign up for an international calling plan?

If not, this call is costing you a fortune.

- Damn it! Okay, I'm gonna hang up. - Oh, my God, is that Matt?

Let me talk to him.

Hey, pal, how's the vacation going?

- You soaking it all in? - Is he soaking it all in?

He's soaking it all in.

- Put him on speaker! - Okay.

You're on speaker, bud, pipe up!

It's going great.

The only downside is the airline lost my luggage,

so I don't have anything other than the clothes I'm wearing.

Same thing happened to me. Here's what you gotta do.

There's this little boutique...

- ...called Fellini's. - Fellini's.

Drop my name to Carlo, and he'll cut you a great deal.

Okay, great. Um, I gotta go, but...

Real quick, buddy, before we let you go...

we're still waiting on that efficacy report

we asked you to finish.

So why don't you hop on that ASAP,

and then you can just marinade

in the sights and sounds of Trivallo.

Okay. Good bye.

Jake, we're glad to have you here focused on work,

unlike Matt, who doesn't seem to care about his job at all.

We figured you'd be a little lonely without Matt

and could use some company.

Actually, I was really looking forward...

Rick!

Get in here.

There's the guy!

There's our star player.

There's our stud.

Yeah.

So, uh, here's the thing...

we found some black mold in Rick's office.

Black mold is an understatement.

So while we sort that out,

we're gonna let him shack up with you.

Rick is our most productive employee.

He has never taken a vacation

and refuses to use a sick day.

Actually, you remind us a lot of Rick.

Just don't touch him or inhale his breath.

We think you two are going to get along like fish in a barrel.

Wait.

So, Rick, you gonna sue 'em for that black mold or what?

There's a disturbing amount of plants in here, Grace.

Jake, let me introduce you to some of my new friends.

This is Succulent, he's the star.

This is Fern, the heartthrob with great hair.

This is Cactus, he does not like to be pet.

Personifying your plants is a major sign of depression.

I am depressed.

I used up all my vacation days

going to my friends' weddings and funerals.

And now whenever I try to take unpaid vacation,

there's some new office molester I have to deal with.

Oh, yeah, Trent... and then Billy.

People weren't meant to be in offices.

We were made to live in the forest.

Oh, and Brooks.

Like Adam and Steve or the Unabomber.

Right, Fern?

That's right, Grace.

I love the forest!

What do you say to that, Jake?

You're living a lie.

- Hello? - Matt!

- How's it going? - Oh, good.

I was just about to eat the biscotti.

Oh, the biscotti!

Let us hear you take a bite!

Yeah, give us a taste of Trivallo.

We wanna hear that crunch.

- Yes, yes, please, a little bit. - Give us that crunch.

Uh, okay.

Oh, yes!

Yeah, baby.

Masticate, Matt. Masticate, Matt.

God damn it!

Now let's hear you really chew it up!

It's a little dry.

It is dry, isn't it?

You better believe it is, so fucking dry.

Now, Matt? Matt?

Do me a favor, buddy.

Now wash it down with some of that inky...

...black...

...espresso, Matt.

Sip that espresso, baby.

Sounds thick. Sounds thick.

How incredible was that?

- It's incredible. - Incredible.

Hoo!

Anyway, buddy, we noticed a typo in your last e-mail.

We're a little worried you don't have your head in the game.

It's almost like you're somewhere else.

You're dropping the bomb, buddy.

And it's starting to torque me off.

Oh! But while you're at the café,

you must say hi to Pierro for me!

- Oh! Promise us you'll say hi. - Do it.

Okay, I promise.

- Ciao! - Ciao!

- Excuse me. - Sí?

Uh, is there an employee here named Pierro?

Oh, sí.

Pierro!

You no like my biscotti?

Oh, no. The biscotti's great.

It's just that, um, John says hi.

- Who? - John.

- What? - Um...

this is John.

He... He ate here once.

Yeah?

Well, he says hi.

We need this table for other customers.

You need to eat the biscotti and leave.

Ciao.

Thank you for the water, Grace!

You're my best friend!

You're my best friend, too, Fern!

You're my mom, Grace!

Aww.

You're Mommy's special guy, Cactus!

You're my ex, Grace!

I'm glad we left on good terms, Succulent.

Oh, no!

What's this? Succulent, you're sick?

Why didn't you tell me?

We're broken up.

You're not entitled to every detail of my life anymore.

Well, I'm still gonna take care of you.

I thought succulents were supposed to be low-maintenance.

Not now, Orchid!

That's right, guys, it's me, Little Cucumber.

I'm here in Trivello...

Fuck! God damn it!

It's Trivallo, Trivallo.