The Munsters

Ah, this is it.

Looks kind of empty.

Gee. Ya think?

Right. Pardon me, but may I help you two lovely lads with something?

Hey, boss. There he is.

- What do you know, he's a zombie. - Indeed, I am.

- Hey, true or false. - Yes.

I hear you guys eat brains.

Why, yes. I do enjoy a nicely grilled cerebellum with a side of chips.

The bigger the better.

Well, then, floop, you're safe.

- Harsh. - Quite rude.

Oi! Hello.

Zombie problem solved.

He's so brittle.

Look at him, floop.

One stinking, rotten bag of human garbage.

Yep. He's a real sack of crap.

So, why do you want him?

This man is frans pennywhacker. The world's greatest pianist.

I want those phalanges.

Oh, I get it.

I don't get it.

Photo. Snap to it.

Chop-chop.

Hold it.

Smile for the birdie.

Come on. Come on.

Oh, come on. You can smile bigger than that.

Oh, no. Don't do the finger.

Uh, what else you got?

Yeah, okay. We'll do that one.

I sure hope all these parts fit together.

You know, a man is more than the sum of his parts.

I don't mean just a slapped-together Superman.

Wow. How incredibly thoughtful and sensitive, and yet so insightful.

Come on. We have a lot of grave robbing ahead of us this evening.

Hyah!

Could we have gotten a horse for this?

Onward. We have little time to waste.

I hate this job.

Ow! Oh! Ow! Ow!

The back. Oh, the back's out again.

Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no.

Igor.

Igor, where are you? Come on.

Come out, come out. I know you're around here.

Come on, you little flying rodent.

Igor! Igor, where are you?

Igor! Ig...

My gosh.

Right here, my lord.

Come on. My back's out. I... I need you to do that thing you do.

Come on. Hurry, please.

I'll get those vertebrae as straight as my great-aunt Helga's knickers.

I presume it's the lumbar and that pesky l4.

Yeah. L4 and 5. Oh!

Come on, come on.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Do it. Do it.

- Right. On three. - Okay.

And... three!

Better?

- Better. Better. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, Igor, thank you. Thank you. That's good.

I gotta tell you something. Once you hit 300, everything starts to go.

And I mean everything.

So you keep telling me, sir.

Is Lily awake?

Yes, sir. She's out on a date with a Mr. Orlock.

Oh, that's good news. I really think she's gonna fall for this fella.

I know a love connection when I see it, and this is a love connection.

And I wanna tell you something about or lock.

He's not only handsome, he's a real swinger.

And most importantly, he's loaded to the fangs.

So, I assume you are or lock?

Yes, yes. And you are?

Um, Lily.

Oh, yes, yes, Lily.

It's always so hard to remember the names.

I'm hungry. Let's eat.

Okay.

Good evening, Mr. Orlock. We have your usual table ready.

Please follow me.

So, do you bring all your dates here?

Oh, yes, yes. Every night.

Okay.

Oh. Whatever happened to our waiter?

He moves like a snail.

Seems like they've been waiting a while.

They are dead.

Who's hungry?

I have one Cleopatra special.

No garlic for the lady.

- And one Anubis salad, extra onions. - This looks good.

Ban appél/t'.

So, how is your food?

Delicious.

Oh, so I noticed on your dating profile you only listed two hobbies:

The black plague and pestilence.

Which I thought, technically, were both the same.

Exactly the same. I love them both equally.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I love it too. It's just, you know, kind of old news.

Do you like rats?

Of course. Who doesn't?

Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good.

I have pictures of my fuzzy little nuggets.

Oh.

Somehow I'm not surprised.

This is Eric. He's a naughty boy.

Oh, he's a cute little fella.

Oh!

This is Steve. He's a real cutup.

Watch out for his high jinks.

Oh, yeah. He's cute too.

Oh, this is opie, but I call her tubby.

- She likes to cuddle under my pillow. - Uh-huh.

He likes to sit on my head.

- Will you marry me? - [Gasps}.

- There she is. - Yes.

She likes to play hide-and-seek.

She's really big and fat.

Roly-poly Jill.

Pumpkin!

Do you want to rub pumpkin's nose?

Oh, I'm good.

Oh, okay.

Come to me.

Be a good little wolf.

Ah, puppy. Come fonnard and sit.

Awaken.

Oh, man!

You are a difficult wolf to find.

Which is strange because you are the only wolf in town

that owes zoya big money.

Me? Nah.

I've been around on the scene. You know, rocking and rolling.

I know scene. You are not rocking man on scene.

Right, like this guy knows the scene?

Give me a break.

I get around.

Enough!

You give me money now, or bela chop off your hand.

Okay, look, stop.

Let's not get crazy, but I gotta ask you a question.

Why you got a picture of my pops on your wall?

That is ancient, unfinished history.

Oh, I... I don't like the sound of that.

He should call.

It is time for you to make the call.

Igor, get the phone. I'm watching TV.

What does he do that's so important, he can't be here when I need him?

Never mind, I'll get it myself. It's not like I'm the count.

Yeah? Who is this? Leave me alone.

Yo, pops! How you been, baby?

Hey, guess what?

You're very lucky. I'm in a good mood tonight.

I'm gonna give you exactly two seconds.

Are you ready? Go.

I know a straight as an arrow business lady who...

Time's up.

Listen, pop. She wants to buy the castle

and transform it into a casino/theme park.

We can't lose. What do you say?

Get the hair out of your ears and listen very, very closely.

I would rather go into business with Jack the ripper...

Who, by the way, is no Jack the tipper.

Five percent tops with this guy. It's an embarrassment...

Than ever go into business with you.

Moron.

I assume you heard what he said.

All zoya hear was big, big trouble for little woof-woof.

Funny. That's what I heard too.

Nice neighborhood.

Um, so, do you live around here?

Yes, yes. Just around the corner.

Oh, well, that's convenient.

Oh, yes, yes. Very convenient.

I have a little surprise.

Close your eyes.

Come with me.

Just over here.

Okay. No peeky-peeky.

Open your eyes.

J” disco vamp/re j”

j” disco vampire j”

j” disco vampire j”

j” love me, love me, love me, love me j“.

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

[Announced you're watching TV 666 transylvania.

Breaking news.

- What? What? What's this? - I/I/ith Donna doom/e y.

Good evening. /'n7 Donna doom/e y, with breaking news.

Transylvania's favorite funnyman, shecky I/on rathbone, has died.

Shecky was eaten alive last night by an irate heckler.

Your mama is so stupid, uh, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 72 hours

because it said, "concentrate."

You call that jokes? The guy got what he deserved.

I gotta get a job.