The Carrie Diaries

Before there was sex...

before there was the city, there was just me,

Carrie... Carrie Bradshaw from Castlebury, Connecticut.

Walt was never gonna love you in any real way.

- I don't understand. - I don't think Walt likes girls.

I wanna be with you. I wanna see what this is.

I can't believe I ever loved you. You make me sick.

I'm Sam Jones. And P.S.... I prefer "Samantha."

My friend's out of town. I'm just crashing here.

Well, your friend sure has a lot of crap. So pretentious.

It's from Larissa.

"Konnichiwa. Returning early. See you in a week."

She's coming home early.

- What came between you and that boy? - Maggie.

- Bet you regret kissing me. - Yes, I do.

Whatever you have to say, I deserve it.

Fine. You broke my heart,

and I hate you because I still love you.

it's easy to become attached to something you love.

And I love this city.

It's even harder to let go of that something

when you've held it so close for so long.

But as fun as my summer in Manhattan had been,

I had to accept it was coming to an end.

(Door unlocks, siren wailing in distance)

I'm telling you, I love New York...

But it is one giant crime scene out there.

What happened to your bike? It looks so... sad.

Someone stole the wheel, the chain,

and my favorite horn.

I think I've spent more money on bike parts this summer

than I actually made as a bike messenger.

I feel your pain.

Every single necklace I wore on the subway

got ripped right off.

Eventually, I just started wearing candy necklaces instead.

I gotta hand it to us.

We made it an entire summer

in one of the most dangerous places there is.

Well, that's all coming to an end

now that we're heading back Castlebury.

Where I will walk down the halls,

wondering if everyone can feel that I'm gay.

And I will walk down the halls and get to see Sebastian,

every single day, in close proximity.

I know what you mean.

I'm more afraid of Maggie than common criminals.

I just have no idea how she's gonna act around me

or if she'll expose me.

So it's decided. We'll just stay here.

It's safer in the crime capital of the world.

Yeah. I don't know Larissa feels about roomies. (Door unlocks)

Konnichiwa!

And no, I don't do roommates.

Yes, I was listening at the door.

Or maybe I just fell asleep out there for a minute.

- Larissa, welcome home. - Oh, mwah. Thank you, darling.

I have horrible jet lag, so forgive me if I black out.

That flight was an eternity.

What is it? Like, 17 hours?

I have no idea. I took two muscle relaxants.

Now, boys and girls, sit down so I can regale you

with tales of the far east, Japanese style.

Mmm!

With... sake!

Ooh.

Apparently, I drank most of this one on the plane.

But not worry. I have more.

Looks like Larissa's back.

You're gonna love me.

Why? Did you land me a date with Emilio Estevez?

These are your college applications.

It's time to start planning your future.

Thanks. I think I'll just keep the life I have now.

It's... so awesome.

Stop that.

Now I've already done a lot of the work.

I researched all the colleges in the area

that would accept your G.P.A. and test scores,

plus all of these schools offer financial aid.

Could someone just give me financial aid

without me having to go to college?

Now the eight schools I picked each have a $25 application fee.

So altogether, you're looking at $200 to apply.

200 bucks? Mouse, that's a lot.

I know,

but I also know you have your babysitting job

and you've been saving up.

Yeah, so I can buy lots of cute clothes.

Stop shopping. Start saving.

$200 is a small price to pay

to start you on the road to higher education.

All you have to do is fill out these forms

and write a personal essay.

You're welcome.

Wait. For making me spend $500 of my own hard-earned money

on some charity gala, just to make you look good?

There will be hot babes.

I'm taking Deb. Really?

That ballroom is gonna be crawling with hot blondes,

all of them scrambling around to find their sugar daddy.

Yeah. Well, I'm not really the, uh...

sugar daddy type.

And I doubt most of those women

would be knocking each other over

for a date with a small-town lawyer.

But they would be interested in a powerhouse M & A lawyer

at Long & Whitney.

Which would be you.

Or you,

if you come back to the firm.

Ha ha.

Come on, Harlan. You know I'm happy with my practice.

Listen to me, Tom.

The M & A business... it is booming.

Investment banks are taking over the world.

I need good lawyers, tough lawyers.

I remember you back in the day.

You were a relentless barracuda.

You're really offering me a job?

Well, I figured your situation might've changed

since your girls are growing up.

I mean, I thought you might be ready to re-up,

get back in with the big boys. You don't miss it?

I don't know. I mean... (Sighs)

I'm not sure I'm that guy anymore.

You know, things at home are very manageable.

I-I keep my own hours. I see my girls.

I might lose those things if I worked here.

Just imagine what you'd gain... bigger cases, big money,

that incredible adrenaline rush.

Not to mention the abundance of hot blondes.

Duly noted. You like hot blondes.

- I do. - All right.

Well, look, I-I appreciate the offer,

but I'm just not sure that this world is a fit for me anymore.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

You know where I am if you change your mind.

Think about my offer.

(Traditional Japanese music playing)

So, yeah, the geisha thing didn't work out.

Those women are way too subservient

for my taste.

I need to be the boss, even when I'm doing the boss.

I had a mad affair

with the C.E.O. of a major Japanese corporation.

Here's a hint... they make electronics.

Oh!

A tiny man but... very powerful.

He taught me so much.

I don't really wanna hear about your sexcapades.

Don't be such a deviant. He taught me to be Zen.

Zen?

I-is that an adjective or a verb?

It's a way of life.

This is gonna be hard to explain,

especially after three muscle relaxers.

I thought you took two.

I'm a nervous flier,

but less so after being Zen.

- And tranquilized. - Mm-hmm.

Zen is all about being in the moment,

remaining calm and detached from expectations.

Sake, waketake, sock-it-to-me.

Sake, waketake, sock-it-to-me.

- Sake... - I'm sorry. Are you speaking in tongues?

No. It's my mantra.

It's a little combination of words I came up with

to help me feel calm and centered.

"We are but a steady rock in a stream,

all of life's rough waters rushing around us."

I wanna be Zen.

That sounds so lovely.

Mm.

If I could detach myself from Sebastian

once I get back to school, he won't be able to affect me.

He'll be like the rough waters rushing around my steady rock.

Still pining after the hair God?

I feel like I've said that before.

That's because I'm a broken record.

But I don't want to do that anymore.

My pattern of falling into Sebastian's charming aura

is... is over.

If he comes up to me with that delicious smelling scent of his,

I... (Inhales deeply)

He doesn't even wear cologne.

It won't faze me

because I'll be Zen.

Wonderful.

Plus, I'm sure all the beautiful men you met in New York

will make that all easier.

I didn't really meet any guys,

but I did make a fun new girlfriend.

Is it a lesbian lover? Exciting.

Uh, no. Sorry.

But don't be disappointed.

There is one gay relationship

that seems to be going pretty well.

It's true.

Bennet and I have been having a lot of fun together.