Raising Hope

My parents had a rule

that if either one of them ever came into some unexpected cash,

they bought the other one a gift.

And they'd been doing it a long time.

I put on one of Paw Paw's old coats

and there was ten bucks in the pocket.

I paid extra for the guy behind the counter

to solve it for you.

Everyone's gonna think I'm a genius.

They were drug-testing all the guys buying mulch.

Three different guys gave me ten bucks for my pee.

The war on drugs is really working.

Yes!

Bubble wrap!

Now I can do that neck cracking thing.

Ow.

Some guy gave me ten dollars

just to drive his car across town and not look in the trunk.

Fixes everything.

I was at the mall and got paid 20 bucks to go into a room

and decide what was going to be on NBC next season.

A banana hammock!

This is great.

Now we have somewhere for the bananas to sleep

so they won't feel judged

by all the other fruit

for their irregular shape.

When my mom got promoted at Knock Knock Knock,

her raise was the biggest "found money" of her life.

Okay, Maw Maw.

Tell him what he's won!

It's a pregnant donkey!

No, Maw Maw.

It's a grill!

It's not just any grill, Burt.

Haven't you seen the commercial where the pig's

last wish is to be cooked in one of these?

Pretty sure they pay the pigs to say that.

Besides, I'm in more of a soup mood.

Oh, okay.

I liked this job

a lot better when

I got to sleep with Bob Barker.

Whoo!

Hello, post-sex ice cream sandwich.

I have earned you and you will be mine.

Whoa! Who are you?

Who are you?

Sabrina!

There is a crazy lady in our house.

What?

Eleanor?

Sabrina.

You know this woman?

Oh, this is my husband Jimmy.

Jimmy, this is Miss Eleanor.

She's Nana's old maid.

Well, not old maid.

But you're not really that young,

and you didn't ever marry...

That's enough, dear.

I haven't seen you in forever.

What are you doing here?

I was in the hospital

getting my hips, knees and elbows replaced.

But now I am spry as a kangaroo

and ready to get back working for your grandmother.

My grandmother?

Her door was closed.

I assume she's sleeping off her breakfast cocktail?

Oh, she's sleeping all right.

Very soundly.

Oh, my scones are done.

Come on.

Come on...

She doesn't know Nana's dead.

What should I do?

Well, just say what you said

to her... her gardener, her butler and her jester:

"Nana's dead... we can't afford you now."

But that wasn't her jester.

That was her violent, alcoholic dog walker.

She just put those little bells on his hat

so she would know when he was coming.

But you're right. There's nothing better than the truth.

Except for Eleanor's

double chocolate triple berry nut scones.

And don't forget my handmade whipped cream.

Oh, mmm.

Mmm...

Eleanor...

there's something I have to tell you.

Nana's on vacation in Peru.

Say no more.

I understand completely.

Toot toot.

Well...

Burt... why aren't you using the new grill?

'Cause I love this old one.

It has been seasoned.

Gives everything that great hickory chrome flavor.

Plus one lucky person's burger

gets branded with the words: "Please return cart."

Oh, forgot my matches.

Oh, my gosh...

the Burn Master Pro Series.

Their slogan used to be,

"Lights so easy, a child could do it."

I wonder why they changed that.

Yeah, why aren't we cooking on this baby?

Half my day is spent

chiseling boogers off shopping carts.

I don't really want to eat food cooked on one.

I know, it's weird.

I got a raise, so I bought Burt

this fancy new grill, and he won't even touch it.

You bought it for him...

Well, that explains why we're eating booger burgers.

Yeah, Virginia.

A man's grill is his connection

to his primal beginnings.

It's a true extension of his manhood.

He means it's like his wiener.

Exactly.

You basically just wheeled in

a bigger, more powerful wiener

and put it right in his backyard.

And if I know Burt, he's not the kind of guy

who likes a big, powerful wiener

shoved into his backyard.

That's ridiculous.

Burt does not think that way.

Hey, Burt, before you light that,

are you sure you won't even try the new grill?

Yeah.

I love this little guy.

It leans to the left

and it takes a little longer to heat up than it used to,

but once I get cooking,

nobody's left unsatisfied.

Burt?

What's this giant present?

I bought it for you!

Found money!

Oh, man, this is amazing!

Oh...

How much money did you find?

$320,

tucked away in a heater vent.

I thought Paw Paw must've put it in there,

but when I asked Maw Maw about it, she said "Who's Paw Paw?"

So I think we're good.

Burt, I put that money in there.

Wait a minute.

If you found money,

you were supposed to buy me a gift.

Does that mean I get the chair?

No, Burt...

I didn't find the money.

I got a raise

and I've been hiding the cash

'cause I didn't want you to see it and feel bad.

Why would I feel bad?

- Because I make more money than you? - I don't care about that.

Well, then why won't you use the fancy new grill I bought you?

Because the shopping cart has years

of seasoning caked right into it.

I love cooking on that thing.

You're not feeling demasculated?

You kidding? I'm proud of you.

How much are you making anyway?

Here's my last pay stub.

There's a comma in this.

We've never made comma money.

Are you upset?

Upset? I'm retiring.

I'm out, baby!

I'm not going to work today,

tomorrow or ever.

I'm gonna call my boss and tell him to screw himself.

And since I'm my boss, I just did!

So what's your plan for today?

Oh, I got a lot of things I want to get to.

First thing, I want to watch that little bird

come out of that clock.

That's not a cuckoo clock.

We'll see.

Are you sure you want to quit your job?

Well, after expenses, I barely broke even anyway.

It's more of a hobby than a job.

And I always said, when my business made it big,

you could quit being a maid and follow your passion.

Well, since you're the one who made it big...

You want to follow your passion.

- Heck, yeah. - So, what is your passion?

My passion is fashion.

Wait, no.

I just heard Tim Gunn say that.

I guess I don't have one.

Sabrina, we've got to tell Eleanor