The Simpsons

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You know your life sucks. Just get drunk like you always do.

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What is this, and how can I make the rest of my life about it?

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Whee!

Uh-oh!

D'oh!

Hey. How ya doin' there?

Ah.

Ook.

Ow.

I brought fried chicken!

Biscuit! First dibs!

Homer, you have to do more.

Ook?!

I'm getting tired of your ooks.

I can't do this alone.

Where's your chore list?

Oh, I'm taking care of that!

It's laminated.

And to make sure I do it...

Hmm?

I've never seen this.

It must've been left by some previous owner.

Holy moly!

A valuable antique car!

This is the find of a lifetime!

Oh, it's a stick.

Dad, shouldn't we see who owns the car?

Now, sweetie, according to the ancient law of trover,

abandoned property passes to the subsequent landowner.

Man, ever since you watched Medieval Tomb Robbers

on the History Channel,

everything with you is trover, trover, trover.

Boy, either show me a writ of replevin or pipe down.

Aw, the needle's on "E."

Uh, I got something that works as gasoline.

Daddy's home! Daddy's home!

Hello, children.

For you, daughter, a little ragdoll.

For you, son, a Florida orange.

You know, there's something truly amazing about you, Dad.

Everything's an adventure.

You go to clean the garage,

and you find a classic car.

Yes, fortune favors the bald.

Now for the best part:

sharing my great day with your mom.

Well, if it isn't my favorite gal in my favorite room.

I'm glad you had a good day.

You don't sound glad.

I'm not glad.

But you said you were glad.

You need to read between the lines.

Why? There's just white space there.

I'm sorry, Homie.

Your life is full of fun surprises.

My life sucks.

Uh-oh. Tissues?

Oh...

Well, would it help if I rubbed your back?

Huh? Eh? Uh?

Your hands smell like steering wheel.

Hmm.

Poor Marge.

What do I do?

Help me, universe!

Jay Leno? Hiya!

I was just passing in my 1973 Citroen DS Pallas

when I saw that classic Morgan

with the original wood dash interior.

Man, I-I'd like to buy it.

You'll have to pay cash with no questions asked.

How much you want?

I said no questions!

Don't worry, this car is a piece of art,

going where it will be admired.

To my secret underground car depository!

It's time for me to do what I do best:

prolong this marriage.

You wanted a good surprise, Marge?

You've got it.

We are going on the trip of our lives.

Really? Where?

I'll be right back.

Let your imagination run wild.

Hey, Homer.

And you are...? Jay Leno.

Hey, do you still have that money I gave you for the car?

Sure do. Well, uh, I'm gonna need it back.

But I just promised my wife...

Homer, I've collected hundreds of antique cars

on the theory that they don't make 'em like they used to.

Well, I just bought this new Toyota.

Turns out it's much better.

I can go to the store and make it all the way back,

it doesn't break down once.

Imagine that? Geez. Yeah.

Here's your money back.

Can I have my car?

Unfortunately, when I went to register it,

it wasn't your car.

So the-the police took it.

Well, see ya.

Unbelievable! It opens from here.

The age we live in!

I've decided where I want to go.

Um, ooh, the trolley at the mall?

No, Paris!

The most romantic city in the world.

Paris?

What am I gonna do?

A travel agent!

Oh, thank God you're not obsolete yet.

And a good morning to you, sir.

Here's the problem.

I've disappointed my wife so many times,

I can't do it once more.

I see.

So I have to take her and our three kids to Paris.

But here's the challenge: I have no money.

Uh, let me see what I can do.

Anything coming up?

No, it's not plugged in.

The noise helps me think.

All right.

There is a way...

but it is a tad risky.

Would you consider being a casual courier?

You mean not like the fancy guys that ride the bicycles...

Let me explain.

The mob... I mean, the courier company...

Will pay airfare and hotel,

and all you have to do is deliver a package.

But... you cannot look inside the package.

Sure. For Marge, I will make the supreme sacrifice

of not doing something.

That's the "package."

What package?

The package you're delivering.

Ooh.

And the clients have asked me once more

to remind you not to look inside.

Hey, buddy, I didn't start doing this yesterday!

I started doing it right now.

Uh... the package?

Hmm.

Paris!

I can't believe it!

Homer Simpson,

just when I think you have nothing left to offer,

you whisk me to the birthplace of existentialism.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

it's an 11-hour flight

and I have to visit the "Louvre."

Can't see the movie now.

Everything's great.

Absolutely great.

Yet, there's something in that briefcase,

and it could get us in trouble.

My mind's running wild.

And you're not supposed to run on an airplane.

Oh, that's it, I have to open the briefcase.

Oh, what a cute, blue sna...

- Okay, first thing, - I've gotta figure out

if it can breathe in there.

D'oh!

Hmm. Better try the other eye.

D'oh!

Okay, maybe the first eye again.

What the...?

I found it.

It's an Amazon Blue Constrictor.

Ooh, it's a very rare and endangered species.

Oh, the trip of a lifetime.

I can't break her heart.

Well, you can't let anything bad happen to that snake.

I promise.

And you have to promise to preserve

another endangered species... my marriage.

I promise.

Oh, for the first time, a snake has ruined paradise.

I'll get the luggage.

Marge, you and the kids grab a cab.

A Parisian cab.

Taxi. Taxi.

Taxi.

Are you casual courier Homer Simpson?

I am.

Here is your money.

Finally. I've been here for two minutes.

Listen, what's gonna happen to, uh, the package?

Oh, it will have a fine home.

A wonderful home.

As the belt around the waist of a well-dressed woman.

I am not gonna let you hurt that snake!

You have to say "Lisa, catch" before you throw it.

Come on.