Bigfoot

Hello, I’m Mrs. Howzenduffer from the town council of Swell,

the shining town in a deep, remote valley.

This aptly named town was founded by exhausted,

traveling pioneers who entered the valley and said,

“This looks swell. Let’s settle.”

So, settle they did.

Bargains.

But Swell isn’t all hustle and bustle.

It’s also a... (Bang) Sorry.

It’s also a great place to relax with nature,

and these woods are home to Swell’s most famous resident,

Bigfoot, the gentle giant.

So, visit Swell, won’t ya?

It’s Swell!

See?

I’m sorry.

What's the problem?

It’s not fair!

Bigfoot most famous resident, me not even in video.

You are in the video!

Didn’t you see yourself in the back?

Barely!

Also, I’m not a giant.

So, you brought your lawyers to a town council meeting

because this tourism video is unfair?

It’s slander.

Mister Bigfoot, this town is in desperate need of money.

You know that old thumbs up statue?

Great, it looks great.

Well, we need to fix it before it crumbles and kills somebody!

So, we made this video to promote tourism in Swell,

so that we can raise some more money to fix the statue.

Bigfoot great for tourism!

Maybe 30 years ago.

Hashtag old!

How dare you question me quality in relevance to crappy lens

of social media age via hashtag jokes?

Oh!

Bigfoot entire personal brand based around being mysterious.

Deliciously subtle, and very hard to find in bushes.

Over these last few decades,

you’ve become more of a liability than anything else.

You’re arrogant.

Bigfoot disagree.

You’re prone to unpredictable fits of rage.

Bigfoot disagree!

You dig through people’s trash, and don’t clean up.

Okay, some truth to that.

Your hygiene is lousy, and your politics are becoming

increasingly conspiratorial.

Oh, Mrs. Howzenduffer, they got to you too.

Hear what me propose.

Bigfoot make a video.

Me turn me image around, me turn Swell image around.

That’s not gonna happen.

Then Bigfoot prepared to move forward with slander lawsuit,

which completely bankrupt entire town.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Oh, this mean a lot to Bigfoot.

Me make you proud.

Me make you so proud.

Okay, bye!

Russ, you my camera coyote.

Me, your director.

Warren!

There you is.

Good.

You have important job, Warren.

You me sound bird.

Okay, we film movie.

Russ, that mean no drinking.

And that mean Warren,

no pooping on heads on purpose, okay?

Accidents happen, Warren.

Me understand, but try no poop.

Now, time for us to go out and remind people of Swell,

why they love Bigfoot so much.

On three, let’s go!

Three!

Let’s go!

Hmm!

Ah!

Hmm.

Hmm?

Ugh!

Hmm.

Oh!

Oh!

Well, it... Yeah, okay.

Hmm.

Oh.

That feel good today, Warren.