Parks and Recreation

- ARE YOU READY? - YES.

- NO, BABE. ARE YOU READY?

YES?

- I GOT FIRED FROM RUNNING THE SWEETUMS FOUNDATION.

- THANKS TO ME. SORRY, AGAIN.

HEY, BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

I TOOK A JOB AT THIS ACCOUNTING FIRM,

THEY'VE TRIED TO HIRE ME THREE TIMES, I FINALLY GAVE IN.

BUT I'VE HAD A WEEK OFF IN BETWEEN JOBS,

AND I'VE BEEN COOKING UP SOMETHING PRETTY BIG.

- THE LAST TIME HE WAS IN BETWEEN JOBS,

HE GOT DEEP INTO CLAYMATION,

SO THIS SHOULD BE DIFFERENT, HOPEFULLY.

- PRESENTING "THE CONES OF DUNSHIRE,"

A BRAND-NEW GAMING EXPERIENCE. 8 TO 12 PLAYERS.

TWO WIZARDS, A MAVERICK, THE ARBITER, TWO WARRIORS,

A CORPORAL, AND A LEDGERMAN.

NOW, THE LEDGERMAN JUST KEEPS SCORE,

AND HE WEARS THIS HAT.

OH, BOY.

- NOW, THE OBJECT IS TO ACCUMULATE CONES.

FOUR CONES WINS, BUT IN ORDER TO GET A CONE,

YOU HAVE TO BUILD A CIVILIZATION.

THE OTHER AMAZING THING IS THE CHALLENGE PLAY.

ACTUALLY, LET ME TELL YOU MORE ABOUT THE TRIVIA CARDS,

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ROADBLOCKS FIRST.

NAH, NEVER MIND. THE THING ABOUT THE CHALLENGE PLAY

IS THAT IT'S BASICALLY THE GAME...IN REVERSE.

THEN YOU ROLL THREE DICE TO SEE HOW MANY DICE YOU ROLL WITH.

OH, 16. PERFECT, LOTS OF CHOICES.

OKAY, EACH TURN GOES: ROLL, BUY, ACTION.

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, THIS WOULD BE MUCH TALLER IN THE REAL GAME.

BUT THE CORPORAL CAN VETO.

THIS SHOULD BE GREEN TOO. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

ARE THE CONES A METAPHOR? WELL, YES AND NO.

- WHAT IS THIS CALLED AGAIN? - "THE CONES OF DUNSHIRE."

OH, MY GOD, THE MAVERICK SHOULD

BE ABLE TO TRADE LUMBER FOR AGRICULTURE CREDITS.

HOW HAVE I NOT THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE?

THIS IS NOTHING, RIGHT?

- WHEN DO YOU GO BACK TO WORK AGAIN?

TOMORROW. IT'S FINE.

I'LL JUST THROW THIS IN THE GARBAGE.

*

AS SOON AS KNOPE IS GONE,

THESE ARE GOING UP ALL OVER CHAMBERS.

JAMM FOR THREE!

- HA HA! WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO BUILD A HOUSE

WITH THOSE BRICKS?

- OOH! THE GIRL IS ATTACKING ME.

- ANY NEW BUSINESS BEFORE WE ADJOURN?

YES, I HAVE ONE--

THE PAWNEE COMMONS.

OH, BOY.

- THE MONEY FOR THE PAWNEE COMMONS,

AKA THE GREATEST FUTURE PARK IN THE WORLD,

AKA MY PERSONAL DREAM PROJECT...

AKA...

- IS CURRENTLY IN A DISCRETIONARY FUND.

I'D LIKE TO MOVE IT TO A LOCKBOX,

TO ENSURE THAT IT IS USED FOR THAT PROJECT.

- THE THING IS, LESLIE, THIS KIND OF DECISION IS--

IT'S NOT REALLY UP TO YOU ANYMORE.

BECAUSE THE VOTERS, TO USE A TECHNICAL POLITICAL TERM,

GAVE YOU THE STANKY BOOT.

BUT WE'LL KEEP YOUR MONEY SAFE, BABY GIRL.

WHAT, YOU THINK I'M GONNA USE IT

TO PUT A NEW LIMESTONE SHOWER IN MY OFFICE?

YEAH, NOW I DO.

- I PROPOSE THAT WE TABLE THIS DISCUSSION

UNTIL, LET'S SAY, THE SECOND KNOPE IS GONE.

LATER, BUNHEADS.

GLASS!

VIDEO RON DEMAND.

WHAT YOU CARRYING, MY DUDE?

- THE TIME HAS COME TO SELL MY CABIN.

BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH LUCK FINDING A BUYER.

"FOR SALE. SMALL HOUSE.

FOREST."

IT'S A LITTLE WORDY, DON'T YOU THINK?

- "CURRENT OWNER WILL NOT CLEAN UP

SHOTGUN SHELLS OR ANIMAL CARCASSES."

THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SWANSON?

- FINE, I'LL CLEAN UP THE SHOTGUN SHELLS,

BUT THE CARCASSES REMAIN TO FERTILIZE MY BERRY PATCH.

- IF YOU REALLY WANT TO UNLOAD THAT LITTLE HORROR CABIN,

YOU GONNA NEED A PROFESSIONAL TO STAGE IT PROPERLY.

LUCKY FOR YOU, I RECENTLY GOT MY REAL ESTATE LICENSE.

SPLADOW!

CHECK IT.

"REGAL MEAGLE REALTY."

- - "FIND YOUR CASTLE."

FINE, I SUPPOSE I COULD USE SOME HELP.

- YO, DONNA, LET ME GET A LITTLE SKIN

IN THE GAME, MAYBE SPLIT THAT COMMISSION?

- ALL RIGHT. SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.

I'LL SPLIT THAT COMMISH.

both: * SPLIT THAT COMMISH

- THE QUESTION I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF IS,

WHAT KIND OF MOGUL SHOULD I BE?

FASHION MOGUL, ENERGY DRINK MOGUL.

I EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT DOWNHILL SKIING.

A MOGUL MOGUL.

BUT A REAL ESTATE MOGUL?

HMM.

THAT'S A HOT MOGUL RIGHT NOW.

- BEN WYATT, REPORTING FOR DUTY.

HOW YOU DOING, BARNEY? GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING.

DAD! HE'S HERE!

HE REALLY CAME!

HELLO, BEN. I'M FRANK.

I TOOK THE JOB WHEN YOU PASSED IT UP LAST TIME.

HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.

- WELL, ALL GOOD THINGS, I HOPE.

A LITTLE TOO GOOD.

LET'S SEE IF YOU LIVE UP TO THE HYPE.

I'M NOT JOKING.

OH.

FRANK SEEMS COOL.

- WELL, TELL EVERYBODY IN MICHIGAN I SAID HI,

AND TELL YOUR MOM THAT I LOVE THE BANANA CAKE

SHE POSTED ON PINTEREST.

OH, THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD IS HERE.

I HAVE TO GO. I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.

I LOVE YOU. - WAS THAT ANN?

I HOPE YOU WERE SPEAKING TO HER IN A CALMING VOICE

'CAUSE BABIES CAN HEAR EVERYTHING.

BABY, IF YOU CAN STILL HEAR ME, I LOVE YOU.

- THE PHONE IS HUNG UP. - OH.

- YOU GOT MY MESSAGE ABOUT JAMM BEING A DINKHEAD?

- YES, BUT AS CITY MANAGER, I CAN'T PLAY SIDES.

AND I THINK ALL OF OUR HEADS CAN BE

A LITTLE DINKY AT TIMES.

- FINE, BUT HIS IS THE DINKIEST.

AND I WOULD KNOW BECAUSE I'M KEEPING SCORE.

EVER SINCE I STARTED CITY COUNCIL,

I HAVE GONE HEAD-TO-HEAD WITH JAMM 112 TIMES.

HE HAS WON 56 TIMES, I HAVE WON 56 TIMES.

I WILL NOT LOSE OUR LAST BATTLE.

WILL YOU HELP ME?

NO.

OH.

THE WAY YOU STOOD UP LIKE THAT,

I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA GO A DIFFERENT WAY.

- NO, I CAN'T HELP DIRECTLY, BUT I AM ON YOUR SIDE.

AND I WILL ASSIST YOU IN ANY WAY THAT I CAN.

MAYBE I CAN MEDIATE, LIKE DR. PHIL,

ONLY QUALIFIED.

SO WHAT'S THE STORY, RON?

DIANE MAKING YOU SELL THIS PLACE?

NOT AT ALL.

RECENTLY, I PURCHASED A NEW CABIN

BIG ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.

I JUST CAN'T JUSTIFY OWNING FOUR CABINS.

TWO CABINS.

THE NEW CABIN I BOUGHT HAS A GREAT TIRE SWING

FOR THE GIRLS, ACCESS TO A LAKE

FOR ALL THE KIDS TO PLAY IN.

PLUS, IT DOESN'T HAVE THESE RAZOR-SHARP

PERIMETER DEFENSE PLANKS STICKING OUT OF THE GROUND.

- I USUALLY GET A 5% COMMISSION, BUT I'LL DO IT FOR 3%.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY DISCOUNT.

MAKE IT 5%.

I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING ANY IDEAS ABOUT US BEING FRIENDS.

- RESPECT. - DONNA, BABY.

FOR THE FIREPLACE, I'M THINKING FAKE ANTLERS.

BUT WHAT KIND OF SCARVES DO WE WANT TO HANG

OFF THE FAKE ANTLERS?

OH, DUH. CROCHETED. - MOST DEF.

THAT'LL LOOK LEGIT NEXT TO THOSE ANTIQUE "VISIT FRANCE" POSTERS.

MM.

RON, YOU WANT TO STAY OUTSIDE

AND DO NOTHING WHILE THEY MAKE

YOUR CABIN LOOK LIKE GARBAGE?

I'D LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.

WE CAN WATCH THE SHADOWS GET LONGER.

OKAY.

WOW, YOU GUYS SURE TAKE

THE START-UP PAPERWORK SERIOUSLY AROUND HERE.

- SORRY TO START YOU OUT LIKE THIS,

AND ON A FRIDAY NO LESS.

BUT IT'S OUR TOUGHEST CASE.

THREE COMPETING FAMILY TRUSTS, A CONTESTED WILL--

IT'S A REAL PUZZLER!

- SO LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT, GENIUS.

IF I'M MURDERED TONIGHT,

START THE INVESTIGATION WITH THOSE TWO GUYS.

- THE HELL YOU NERDS DOING HERE?

- WE'RE NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT THE LOCKBOX.

THIS ISN'T OVER.

AND I AM HERE TO MEDIATE.

- YOU CAN'T JUST SHOW UP AT MY DOOR LIKE THIS.

- LOOK, I KNOW WE HAVE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES,

BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.

AND I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE HASH THIS OUT.

I RESPECT THE MOXIE, KNOPE.

YOU CAN COME IN FOR A MINUTE.

SHOES OFF. THIS IS A HOUSE OF RESPECT.

- WELL, I DON'T NEED TO DO THAT. MY FEET ARE VERY CLEAN.