Frankie, Maniac Woman

All right, my friends,

we got two tickets to Raging Waters up next.

But first, let's talk about the gruesome murders

happening in East Los Angeles. Sergeant Carolla stated earlier this week

- that the bodies were found brutally murdered.

The only suspect they have right now,

in the old-fashioned way, Craigslist.

Looks like we got ourselves a man with some Mommy issues, folks.

So, hang on to your dildos, ladies, it's gonna be a long summer.

- You done with that? - Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, you gotta wipe that down.

What do I use?

Oh, it's over there.

Oh. I'm sorry, this is a private event.

-List only. -I'm, uh, I'm with the band.

The band's already here. Um, if you can,

just please, just move out of the walkway.

-Thank you. -The band can't be here because I am the band.

You two.

Excuse us.

I get it. They're on the, um,

you-want-to-fuck-them list?

What the fuck did you just say to me?

I think you heard what I said.

Why don't you get the fuck outta here?

Francis. Hey. Where the fuck have you been?

- Man, it's okay. She's with me. - Come on.

Fuckin' unreal, man.

Did you just get back from the gym?

Girl, I can smell you from here.

Hey, guys, let's kill it tonight, okay?

And, Francis, the owner is here.

And if the owner likes what you do, we could get a residency.

Residency is money.

I'm gonna need you to look a little bit better than this, though.

I mean, how's the, the diet, the fitness?

Have you lost any weight at all?

I'm working on it.

Great. Great!

You guys have a great show. Break legs, okay?

Let's do this.

- All right, Francis, you smelly, fat fuck,

let's do this.

Did you bring the fucking

long stand again?

You can't even sing, you worthless, obese bitch!

Hey.

Oh, my God, how could she be so beautiful?

Look at her. Look at her.

...to break up the fat before you suction--

You ugly, fat bitch. You are not a model. You are not a model.

You will never be a model. You are never gonna look like that.

You're never gonna look like that. You're gonna be ugly the rest of your life.

- You're gonna die alone. - Nobody's gonna want you...

Suck that wart out, you worthless piece of--

I just wanted to be like...

...all the other girls.

- Hey, Francis. - How's it goin'?

- How's life? - I'm doing great.

- Listen, about that bar gig the other day...

...don't worry about it. But, hey, I got this dope audition

for this Wilson Phillips cover band,

and they're looking for the fat one.

-Yeah, I, mm... -I'm joking, I'm joking.

Anyways, been reaching out to music producers. There's this guy named Harland,

he's looking for diversity, and since you're fat and some sort of Mexican,

I think it could work. Diversity is everything right now.

Wait, are you gay?

Would you kiss a girl?

-Great. -Hello? Are you there?

Hello?

I have a gun.

Fuckin' asshole. Come on!

Oh.

Hello.

-Hi. What-- -So I'm a fuckin' asshole?

What? No, I just--

I thought you were a fuckin' coyote.

What are you doin' up here?

Killing yourself?

As a matter of fact, I was. Would you like to come watch?

-Why kill yourself? -Well, fuck you, man. What are you doin' up here?

Conjuring the devil.

I'm Jerome, by the way.

I'm Francis.

I know that.

But you can call me Jerry.

You can call me Francis.

You've seen me before.

Nah, man, I don't think I have.

It's because you don't pay attention to things.

Yeah, well, have fun, uh, jerkin' off or whatever.

We'll meet again.

Excuse me. Hi.

-Hi. Are you a dancer? -Yeah?

A dancer? No. Why?

You have the body of a dancer.

Oh. Mm.

You come here every night around this time?

Um, no. Not usually.

What's your name, by the way?

Um, it's Gabby.

You know, I could train you, Gabby.

Um... I think I'm doing

pretty good myself. Thank you, though.

Hey, you don't know me. I'm a, I'm a professional trainer.

Oh. Yeah, I don't know you.

Hey, if you don't want me to train you, that's okay.

But you could still give me your number.

Yeah, I don't feel comfortable giving you my number.

Come on. It's how people meet each other here.

But my boyfriend wouldn't like that, so...

You're not that pretty anyway.

Where's your boyfriend?

You know, where is he?

I mean, I wouldn't let you out at this time if I was him.

That's none of your business.

Shoo!

Call him.

-Call him. I want to meet him. -Could you back up?

Call him, tell him he can suck my dick.

Suck my dick.

So, Francis, you're down to suck a little dick?

Hey, um... you're a trainer, right?

Why?

-You train dancers? -Are you a dancer?

- You don't look like one. - Yeah.

Yeah. You know what? Um... no, but I've--

I heard I'm supposed to come over here and suck your dick.

What? Who the fuck are you?

You know what?

No, fuck it. Um, it's probably too small anyways.

I'd have to use two fingers up and down, up and down,

and wouldn't want to use too much spit

because, you know, it might drown it, so...

You know what I could do to you?

You might be this fat fucking dyke bitch,

- but I could hurt you pretty badly.

Is that what the little boys at school used to tell you?

Huh.

Oh, you're not my,

you're not my usual type.

- I can make an exception, though. What do you say?

- Bet you don't get too much dick, do ya?

Shh.

You know, it is true about us fat girls...

...we are into some kinky shit.

Oh.

Kill this man now.

If you like that, you're gonna like this.

Hi.

You are beautiful.

-I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I didn't mean to-- -Uh, it's okay. Thank you.

-Bye. -No, no, no, no, no. Wait.

Oh.

-I am so sorry. -Look, I just came over here to let you know

that you don't have to be scared of that gross-ass beefcake anymore, all right?

-That's all I wanted to say. -What?

Oh, my God!

My name is Gabriella, by the way.

Thank you, Gabriella.

But you can call me Gabby.

You know, I never really liked broccoli.

It always reminded me of a tree that I fell out of once.

I'm more of a carnivore myself.

You know, like a T-Rex?

You're creepy. You know that, right?

Yeah, I know.

You better watch out.

You might end up on the back of a milk carton.

All right, now, Jeffrey Dahmer,

-calm down. -Oh, no, no, no, I'm more of a Ted Bundy kind of girl.

You know? Hot, yet deadly.

Oh. So you get creepier?

No. I'm just...

Francis.

I'm sorry.

Francis.

Are you okay?

Mm.

I'm sorry.

Uh...

I've just seen a lot in my life.

I gotta go.

Hey, Francis, I think your purse...

She knows too much. Kill this bitch.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna rip your flesh, I'm gonna rip your flesh.

- I wanna see what you look like inside. I wanna skin you.

I wanna see what it looks like when it's open.

I wanna be inside you. I wanna see inside you.

Rip it open.

Fuck you, Gabby. Stop lookin' at me, you fucking bitch!

Oh, yeah, you're all smiles. Yeah, you're smiling

while those fucking worms eat your fat ass?

Oh, she was such a good person.

Now she's dead. Gabby's dead.

I wanna be a pretty girl.

I'm sorry, we're all sold out.