Adventures Into the Woods: A Sexy Musical

There's something wrong.

- The machine has expelled all of its energy

directly into Emmanuelle.

What?!

- Emmanuelle is taking all of the energy,

which means the wormhole is forming inside of her.

That simple.

- Then, shut it off! It's that simple!

Dr. Blue?

Carla?

William?

Where am I?

I know this story.

What's my line?

Curiouser and curiouser?

Eat me. Drink me?

Drink me? Eat me?

Well, you eat something first,

and then you wash it down.

Right?

Well, I had a 50-50 chance.

Here goes nothing.

* Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo

* Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo

* Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo

* Doo-doo

Just go with it, Emmanuelle.

You'll wake up soon.

How's the tea, ladies?

- This is some good shit. (laughs)

Oh, hello!

We have a new guest!

Have you come to partake in my services,

insert name here?

Emmanuelle.

What's going on?

Oh, it's just a tea party!

My, you are scrumptious.

I'm tempted to do you on the house.

On the house?

Well, at least the table.

- How do I compare to your spider friend?

- He's not my friend. I don't like spiders.

What is that?

- That's Timothy, the tit mouse.

- And you're the Mad Hatter, I take it.

- Oh, you could take it,

if you promise to give it back.

The thing is it comes attached,

and the rest of me is part of the package, I'm afraid.

But most of the ladies don't seem to mind.

That's Goldilocks, who speaks when

three bears worth of experience.

- I can't take it anymore. I'm so horny, Hatter.

Do me. Do me now.

Me too.

What are you?

A gigolo?

Oh! You got it in one!

But let me further explain

this wondrous world you're visiting.

* Nothin' is nothin, and all is all

* Big is little, and short is tall

* In is out, and up is down

* The world is flat, and the sky is round

* So do the jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Dance with a gigolo

* Jiggle-jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Try to wiggle, wiggle-wiggle

* Go baby, go, go, go, go

* Go, go, go

* Do the jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Like a bowl of Jell-O

* Who knows what this is really all about

* Send us a postcard if you figure it out

* But never say never, and have no fear

* 'Cause all I know is it's great to be here

* Doin' the jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Dance with the gigolo

* Jiggle-jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Like a bowl of Jell-O

- I don't think you'll be needing this for a while.

* Jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

- If you bring good news, enter.

If not, go away and die.

The deed is done, my Queen.

Snow White is no more?

Her heart.

Excellent.

Now, we'll see who's the fairest of them all.

Fairest. (chuckles)

Why? What do you mean by that?

Oh, nothing, my Queen.

It's just that you had me kill Snow White

for her growing up to become more beautiful than you.

She didn't do anything wrong.

It was just, uh, genetics.

So, I'm not sure if that would qualify as

really being fair.

- Leave me, before I cut your heart out as well.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall--

- I'm actually not on the wall.

What?

- I'm a standing mirror.

I'm a good four feet from the wall.

So?

I'm just saying.

Fine.

Mirror, mirror, against the wall--

- Near the wall, not really against it.

Mirror, mirror, near the wall,

who's the fair--

Who's the sexiest of them all?

Who the fuck is that?!

- Her name is Emmanuelle.

She's just arrived in this land.

From where?

Another world.

You've gotta be kidding me.

First, I have to deal with this Dorothy bitch.

Then, this Alice chick pops out of a rabbit's hole.

What the hell's going on here?

Are they posting open house signs

at the edge of the kingdom?

Gregory!

I'm sorry, my queen.

Please don't kill me.

I couldn't do it.

I tried, but I ...

- What are you talking about?

I just found out yet another crazy bitch,

from another world, is infringing on my turf.

And now, I gotta get rid of her.

Oh. (chuckles)

So what is it you couldn't do?

- I couldn't figure out which way

to put the sheets on your bed.

I mean, do they go facing up or facing down?

Does the seam go in or out?

Does the pattern-- - Just fix it!

I'm going out.

I've got someone else to destroy.

- She doesn't know that Snow White is still alive, does she?

I couldn't kill her.

She didn't ask.

- Damn, Snow White is fine.

The things she does with those ruby lips.

You liked? Hmm?

- Oh, yeah. I sure did.

Wait.

You're not Snow White.

You're just an image in the mirror.

I know.

But, I'm a magic mirror

who has feelings, too.

Come through the looking glass,

and I'll show you a real good time.

Okay.

(moves into slow orchestra music)

Yes! (moans)

Wow.

That surely was magical,

Mirror.

That will be $500.

What?

- I'm a working mirror, here.

Nothing's for free.

Cough it up, buddy.

- Can anyone help me here?

That depends.

What kind of help do you require?

Who said that?

Look down.