Nurse Jackie

Please step away from the gurney transfers

and the heavy lifting. And for the love of all

that's good and holy, get an M.R.I.

I almost don't want to see the damage.

We want to launch a citywide campaign

featuring you as the face of All Saints.

Dr. Cooper, pay attention!

You need to pay attention!

- ( Screaming ) - Dude! Dude!

- What the hell? - ( Both grunting )

You know I'm fine.

You don't need to stay here.

This machine is a piece of shit! ( Kicks )

I'm gonna begin interviewing for a pharmacist.

I've already put in a call to Eddie Walzer.

- Awesome! - Eddie kind of lost it when the Pill-o-Matix came.

- It's not that he wasn't good at his job, but... - All right. I hear you.

Grace, open the door!

Honey.

- Oh my God. - ( Grace crying )

Hi, is Dr. O'Hara in yet?

Great, can you get her for me?

I'll wait. I got it. Thanks.

Here you go, sweetie.

Good morning. How are you?

Um, listen, can I steal you for a minute when I get in?

Okay. Great, thanks.

- O'Hara: Who's seen this? - Jackie: Half of ortho.

The main spine guy is in Barbados.

Meanwhile, my follow-ups keep getting pushed.

Yeah, well fuck that. You need to see a specialist.

Well, I am the least of my problems.

Grace is pulling her hair out.

Oh God. I'm really sorry, Jackie.

Eddie used to give me some oxy.

You know, between cortisone shots when it would get really bad.

I... I could do that if you like.

Give you a couple of oxy.

Yeah. You know, I guess that would...

short of banging you over the head to put you out of your misery,

I don't see what else I can do.

All right. Great. Just let me know.

I'll stop by and get a prescription.

- Oh... - No, because you know what happens

is it flares up and I haven't...

you know, never mind. It's beating a dead horse.

Who came up with that anyway?

The same awful people that like to kill

two birds with one stone, I imagine.

You know who I like?

People who let sleeping dogs lie.

What qualifies you for the position

of emergency department pharmacist?

What qualifies me?

Seriously?

I did this job for 10 years.

You also came in here drunk,

not to mention you had to have your stomach pumped.

One might think these incidents would disqualify you

to run a pharmacy.

Oh man, either you want me back or you don't.

Cook me or sew me back up. This in-between shit...

I need some assurance that you're stable.

Both things happened after I left.

My work was impeccable for 10 years.

Plus I... I still have a lab coat.

So you save... right.

Now you're going to tell me you'll get back to me

and I'll be checking my messages.

Or I might just say

welcome back to All Saints.

Yeah? Really?

- I'm gonna rock this shit. - I wish you wouldn't.

- No, it's just an expression. - Still.

Eddie!

It's gonna be like old times, bro! I'm telling you.

Hey. Hey. This is the man!

- No... listen, Coop... - This is the man right here!

Coop... Coop, listen, I... I gotta bounce.

Yeah yeah yeah, later. Bounce.

Bounce.

Hey, got a minute?

Actually, I don't.

Yeah well, we got a wack job coming in five, so...

I'll keep it brief.

Emotionally disturbed person, Dr. Cooper.

Here's what it is.

I think I was part of a very successful campaign.

- You were. - So how come they're taking the posters down?

- ( Clattering ) - Stop that!

I mean, why not keep a good thing going?

- Right? Seems to me... - All Saints rented the ad space for six weeks.

- Those six weeks are up, Dr. Cooper. - ( Pager buzzing )

- I... - please answer your pager.

You heard that? It's on vibrate.

- Someone may be dying. - Oh, the nurses will keep them alive until I get there.

It's their job. So, uh...

what needs to happen

in order to keep the campaign going?

I mean, I'm... sorry. I'm totally willing

to keep the, you know, campaign going.

I'll... I'll... I don't know... pay out of pocket.

I could... I could pay for the ad space.

- If it helps... - Very... that's a very generous offer, Dr. Cooper.

Well, I'm a very generous guy.

So, uh...

seems like a win-win, right?

- What do you think? - ( Pager buzzing )

I can hear your pager vibrating, Dr. Cooper.

I know. I know. Whatever.

Just... can you think about it?

Hmm? Gloria?

- ( Sighs ) - 30-ish male,

altered mental status. Found disoriented and naked.

Wack job. Got it.

E.B.P. psych eval.

Dude started peeling his clothes off at the grocery store.

They usually call the police; The police called us.

Jackie: No, stay here. Give me the keys.

- Thank you. - Cooper: Get his arms.

Someone tell the cops to stop dumping their disorderlies

at All Saints.

On my count. One, two, three.

You're all right. You're okay. We're right here.

Cooper: Let's keep him sedated. Give him five and two.

He's not agitated and he's not resisting.

B.P.'S 110 over 70.

Cooper: I want to stay on top of it.

Start the line. Hey, buddy. Hmm? Buddy?

You know where you are?

- No. - No.

You're at All Saints. Can you tell me your name?

No? I'm Jackie. Don't worry,

we're gonna take very good care of you, okay?

He smells like fresh laundry.

Hey, Marco?

Can you tell me how you got here today?

No.

- Do you know what year it is? - No, ma'am.

It's 2010.

Thank you.

Can you ask around and see if you can find some family?

I thought I recognized you, Marco Prince... linebacker!

Right? Wow. This guy's famous.

It's an honor to meet you.

Brotherhood of the broken nose, right?

Hey, kill the h. And a., he's cool.

Marco, we're gonna take good care of you.

Are you having a rough day?

Yeah. Dude got picked in the first round.

Linebackers never get picked in the first round.

Mm-hmm. Florida gaters, I know. I'm gay,

I'm not a girl.

Sam's calling around. Also, there's a lady in three.

She's 49. She's having pain in her swimsuit area. I'm thinking it's an appy.

- Can I take it? - It's all yours.

Let's get this guy an M.R.I., full blood and spinal tap,

rule out infection, brain tumor, bleed,

treat him like a king, Hmm?

As opposed to a "wack job"?

Marco Prince... fantastic.

Low-Er

We've been through this already.

Just being thorough.

- Are you sexually active? - No.

Pretty much just lie there.

No, I meant, um...

ah, a joke, got it.

- Hello hello. - Lower quadrant. Uh, C.B.C. came back...

white count's high. We're in line for a beta

and waiting on a cat scan.

I'm telling you right now my appendix is dead and rotting.

So how about a Valium drip and a nice Merlot?

I'm not saying no.

I do think your appendix has ruptured.

All right. Rule out pregnancy,

get her into C.T. and call the O.R.

Oh my God... the two of you.

Seriously?

I'm forty-fucking-nine years old, okay?

- May I help you? - I'm looking for Marco Prince.

Hi. Are you his wife?

There's my guy.

Hey, baby.

- I'm sorry. - What are you sorry for?

Jackie: Would you like to eat something?

- We have some meal trays right over here. - That would be nice.

Okay.

You know what happened?

Someone called the police. That's all I know.

Janelle came looking for you, but you were already gone.

Oh. Where did I go?

Supervalue.

What did I do?

Took off your clothes.

- Oh God... - Baby, no.

It's not a big deal. Good looking guy like you,

you made their day.

Look, you had to leave work again.

You know what I say to that?