The Garfield Show

Hee!

Well, the picnic basket's all packed.

Now, where again is this forest we're going to?

I have a map. It's a remote area.

Nobody ever takes care of the animals up there or feeds them.

You love feeding animals, don't you?

Ha! Look who's talking.

Speaking of which, where are...

Oh, Odie's watching a fairy tale on TV, and Garfield's upstairs asleep.

He should be waking up any minute now.

What a strange dream.

I was eating linguini and clams.

Usually, on Tuesdays, I dream about eating fettuccine and clams.

Let's see what time it is.

Oh no! I'm missing my favorite show!

…and searched the kingdom to find his true love.

Thanks, Odie. I almost missed Eddie Gourmand.

Huh?

Today, he's gonna take a look at spaghetti and meatballs.

Aww.

Welcome to my show, people! Welcome, welcome, welcome.

On today's show, we're going to look at spaghetti and meatballs!

Ooh.

Isn't this wonderful?

This is the best show on television, apart from mine, of course.

I've gained three pounds just watching it so far.

Odie, you'd rather watch some fairy tale

than look at spaghetti and meatballs?

Uh-huh.

Sheesh.

For the benefit of those of you who just joined us,

we'll be looking at this plate of spaghetti and meatballs

for an entire hour!

Oh, and tomorrow is Chinese food day.

We'll be looking at moo goo gai pan,

shrimp in oyster sauce…

…chicken chow mein...

…he had finally found…

Fairy tales are silly.

I could make up a better story than this.

…they lived happily ever after.

Liz and I are leaving.

We'll be back late. Enjoy yourself, guys!

We will.

And don't get into any trouble.

We will.

You want me to read you a fairy tale?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I have important things to do. Naps. More naps. Naps during other naps.

Huh?

- Oh, okay. Wait here a moment. - Hmm?

Oh!

Ah, ham and cheese on sourdough with brown mustard…

That picnic basket looked heavy.

It seemed lighter just now.

About the weight of a ham and cheese on sourdough with brown mustard.

Hmm.

Ah. This one will do.

Huh? What?

All right. Let's see.

"Once upon a time…"

I've read this story.

Hey, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Okay. "Once upon a time, there was an extremely handsome cat…"

You wanna know how handsome this cat was?

Uh-huh.

That handsome.

"He lived a quiet but happy life within the castle.

Sometimes he would eat."

"And sometimes he would sleep.

And sometimes he would eat and sleep."

Huh?

Saves time.

"The magnificent cat's life was good. Except for three problems."

"One was an extremely dim-witted dog

that was always asking him to throw a stick so it could be fetched."

Hmm?

That's what it says here. You think I'm just making this up?

Fine. Let's move on. Where was I?

Oh, yes.

"Asking him to throw a stick so it could be fetched."

All right. All right. Just to be rid of you.

For those of you who don't know,

this is called a catapult.

Catapult is an ancient weapon invented by Greek soldiers

to hurl boulders at their enemies.

But it's even handier for this.

See you sometime around Halloween!

So the dog with the long tongue was one of his problems.

Another was the prince's twin nieces.

There he is! There's the kitty cat!

Oh no!

- Wait, kitty cat! - We wanna play with you!

Stop! Kitty cat! Where are you?

We have designer gowns for you! Let's have a fitting!

- Let's give him a bath! - Two baths!

- Wash his ears! - Scrub his tail!

- Clean his eyes! - No! No! Ah!

There he is! There's the kitty cat!

I am so doomed.

Let's play dress-up!

Let's do his eyebrows!

No! Don't! Stop! Call the palace guard!

Call the royal babysitter! Call the fashion police!

Help!

- He'll smell so sweet! - He'll look gorgeous.

The worst part is I didn't even look good in this color.

Oh!

"And the cat's third problem was his master's problem.

Prince Jon had to find a bride,

and he needed one soon."

But I do not want to marry any of the

women at the royal ball last night.

Look, I'm just the royal food taster around here, but I know this:

Royal law says that if you don't marry by your 21st birthday,

the next in line becomes king.

And you know who the next in line is.

Huh?

"Next in line was the royal viceroy.

And he was not a nice man at all."

All right. Attention, peasants.

When I take charge, I'll be instituting some new taxes.

Let's see…

"Tax on inhaling, tax on exhaling,

tax on holding your breath, tax on not breathing at all."

I protest these taxes!

Tax on protesting these taxes.

"A tax on tying your shoes,

a tax on wearing loafers…"

What if we go barefoot?

Uh, a tax on going barefoot. Thank you.

All right. "A tax on thumbtacks,

a tax on putting ketchup on a cheese sandwich…"

His greed will destroy this kingdom.

Which is why you need to find a bride and soon!

Like, tomorrow.

Then marry, I shall!

Even if I have to marry the next woman who walks through that door.

Oh!

Huh?

Well, maybe I could keep looking for a little longer.

He doesn't look good in that color.

"He had been dining with every available maiden in the kingdom

and was down to the last three."

People say you gotta help humanity.

I say, "What has humanity ever done for me?"

Strike one.

Me, me. Me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me.

Me. Me, me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me.

Me and only me.

Must you speak all evening about yourself?

You are right, Prince Jon. Let us speak about you now.

What do you think of me?

Strike two!

So, tell me a little about yourself.

I'd like to get to know you.

Strike three!

She's out!

Boy, can you imagine trying to live with someone like that?

"It was then that the not-so-smart dog

got back with the stick."

Oh, hi. Well, it looks like the prince will never find a bride.

The evil viceroy will be our new king.

Bad for the kingdom, but I don't care that much.

Nothing that evil, power-mad guy does will affect me.

"A tax on watching cartoon shows,

a tax on blinking, a tax on dancing with a monkey."

See? That doesn't affect me.

"A tax on vigorous exercise."

See? That really doesn't affect me.

"A tax on eating pasta, tomato sauce,

or anything that contains cheese."

See? None of these things affect me.

A tax on pasta? No, no, no, no! Unfair!

Tax Brussels sprouts! Tax health food!

Tax anything with yogurt in it! Just don't tax lasagne!

Pup, we have to stop that man! We have to help Prince Jon find a wife!

"So the brilliant cat and the not-brilliant dog

were determined to..."

Oh wait. Time for a burrito break. Wait here.

Hmm?

And don't you go anywhere, either. I'll be back in one burrito.

"Once upon a time,

Prince Jon had to find a bride, and he needed one soon."

If you don't marry by your 21st birthday,

the next in line becomes king.

"Next in line was the royal viceroy.

And he was not a nice man."

Pup, we have to stop that man!

We have to help Prince Jon find a wife!

Mmm.

Good burrito.

Hope you had something tasty while I was gone.

Now, where were we?

"Add one cup of flour to eggs and

whisk thoroughly through until smooth.

Add heavy cream…"