Animals.

Okay, this is, uh...

It's a big step.

This is a... Oh, no. Optical illusion.

That was a regular step.

But here we go.

Phil, Phil, Phil.

What you do to a hole.

Da... Dad?

Philly boy!

It's your pop, Larry!

Long time, no see!

Hey, can I use your bathroom?

Listen, I know it's a shock to see me,

but what did we used to say when you were little?

"I wish I never had you and this was a mistake"?

I can't believe you remember that.

- I know. It's pretty... - God, that brings me back.

What is this? Can I have this?

- Where did you go, Dad? - Oh, I just went over here

- because I thought this was a quarter. - No, no, no.

When I was a kid, where did you go?

Why did you leave me and Mom?

You know, I'm a homing pigeon.

- Right? - And that means I just have

a whole ming of things I wanna do with my life.

What about a home?

- What about making a home? - I don't think that's what it means.

You know, with, like, a mom and a little boy?

No. It's not in my nature.

I mean, here's the thing. When I left you,

when you were just out of the egg...

I was so young.

I remember looking at you and thinking,

"God, look at the wonder in his eyes!"

I know, and I still have it. Check it out.

You know?

- He wants to see the world! - Yeah!

And I gotta tell ya, it was contagious.

You know, like, I wanna see the world.

Ah. It's so crazy 'cause this is just hurting me more.

I mean, I'm sure it hurts to get it in,

but it feels so good to get it out.

What is that other thing that hurts going in

but feels good going out?

- I'm not sure. - A light bulb.

Where do you put your light bulbs?

Well, you're a young man.

You have yet to discover the wonders of your cloaca.

But I'm not here to teach you about sex.

You got a girlfriend or...

Not right now actually. I was actually married

- to a guy for a bit and then we... - That's great. Listen.

I've got a business opportunity that I think

in many ways you'd be perfect for.

I always say I'm perfect for business opportunities

- and nobody believes me. - Fantastic!

- How much money do you have? - Uh...

Okay, look at that Jacob, huh?

He's growing up before our little eyes.

I know.

- Oh, honey, you're so big now. - Oh, my God, you're so big.

- You know what? - Your handkerchief

just needs a little...

I look like a dork in this outfit.

Well, the good news is only four more badges

and you, my friend, are a Scout leader.

I don't even know if I want to be a Scout leader, Dad.

- Hey! - Why not?

The only reason I joined is 'cause everyone said

you got to play with a knife.

You don't need a pocketknife when you've got

"The Seagull Scout Knot Manual."

You don't need to cut anything.

You just untie.

I am gonna side with Jacob on this.

Everybody else in his troop has a knife.

- He needs a knife. - I... Uh... No.

Give me the knife.

I'm holding... I'm holding firm on this.

Honey, when I was in the Shegulls,

I was the highest ranked knife master in my...

Okay. I'm sorry.

Meghan, I'm gonna stop you right there, okay?

This is not the Shegulls.

Let's leave this one to the Seagulls.

Hey, Jacob, did you hear that?

Can I get my laptop out of the cabinet?

Sit down.

We're beatin' this guy. He owed me money.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And it turns out it's his mother we're beating.

That's... Mike, hey, buddy! How's it going?

- Hi! - You remember my dad, right?

Uh, hey, Mr. Matarese.

- How's it going? - Wait a minute.

- This is not the butter boy. - Okay. Um...

- This is the little fatty. - The one and only!

What? No! This is hilar...

When he and Phil were squabs, he'd come over to our house.

- He'd eat butter as a snack! - Yeah!

And you'd always wear

those dorky little Seagull Scout neckerchiefs.

So dumb looking!

He actually made the news.

He was the youngest bird ever to have a heart attack

and we used to call him Butter Fat.

Little fat fuck.

We used to call him Butter Fuck.

You were a fat fuck?

- I mean, it was hilarious. - Yeah.

If it wasn't so hilarious, it would have been tragic.

Honey, why did you never tell me this?

Well, uh, I don't think it pertains to who I am or...

Okay, why are you both in my house?

Oh. Dad and I are actually going in 50/50

on a cool little business opportunity.

It's not 50/50, but we're trying something out.

- It's an opportunity. - You know, it's like a business thing.

We're still sort of work-shopping titles.

I was thinking maybe, like, Father and Son Co.

Or Daddy and Boy Inc.

Maybe, like, Papa and Baby LLC?

Feel like I've heard it. How about Larry...

Well, why overthink it?

- I mean, why don't we... - Larry and Phil?

LarriCo.

LarriCo.

LarriCo and Son...

Days we're closed.

- Ouch. - What do you think of that?

I thought it was going somewhere else,

- but that's fine. - Well, that way we have the day.

- No. - Well, you go in on Sunday.

I'm not going in.

Fuck it. I'm not gonna kill myself for this thing.

That's all we do at LarriCo. That's not why I started it.

Anyway, Mike, why we're here is we need a briefcase

'cause I'm gonna empty out my bank account

and I need somewhere to put all the money when we start the business.

Phil, can I see you in the other room for a second?

Sure. Whatever you want, weirdo.

- Hey, Phil? - Yeah?

Ask him about the briefcase.

Okay, where is it?

Jesus, you have so many pairs of socks.

- Phil! - What?

Your dad suddenly appears out of the blue

and convinces you to hand over your life savings?

Okay?

Have you forgotten this asshole abandoned you and your mom?

Mike, I was a very needy child.

Water, food, love, attention. I mean, I get it.

Anyway, he's forgiven me and I've forgiven him,

and now we're business partners

and also a dad and a son who love each other.

Okay, what is this business anyway?

Well, it's, uh, pretty complicated,

but try to follow along here.

- Check it out. - Okay.

So there's a cage fight coming up, right?

- Where my daddy, Mr. Matarese to you, - Got it. Yeah.

Knows for a fact that this dude is taking a dive.

So, we're gonna bet on this guy to win.

I'm so excited.

I could just squeal!

It's like the beginning a Facebook or something.

Phil, do you not see that he's taking advantage of you?

Don't raise your wings at me, buddy.

You've only been with him for five minutes, okay?

I've been with him for, like, 30 minutes.

He's different now and he loves me,

and I'm sorry you can't see that

because this house is filled with hatred and resentment.

- Okay. - I'm getting the fuck outta here.

So let me get this straight.

That kid came out of that body?

That just doesn't add up to me! You look too good.

Yes. And he can hear you.

Boy, you're lucky kid, I'll tell ya.

You've been in places I can only dream.

Oh, you heard about computer camp?

It was amazing.

- I mean, I feel really fortunate. - Come on, Dad. We're leaving.

Okay. Meghan, sext me.

No! No!

Come on, Kaitlin. I'm not talking to you.

- Kaitlin... - I'm not talking to you right now.

- Come on. - Don't look at me.

What did I do this time?

I swam away for two seconds

to get a couple pellets, and when I came back,

somebody had shit on my lily pad.

Who do you think that was?

I didn't know it was your lily pad.

There are two lily pads in this terrarium.

I thought we shared them together

- No, we... - 'cause sometimes I

like to be closer to the wall.

I'm just not interested in talking about it anymore.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.