The Big C

Previously on The Big C...

I'm your "cancierge," remember?

Atticus Sherman.

It was Dr. Sherman's office.

He added a spot for me in the clinical trial.

My parents got called by our church to do missionary work.

You should come live with us.

Maybe they're cutting these new bipolar drugs

with fairy dust or something because I feel fantastic.

- I'm Emily. - I'm Adam.

You're kind of the "it" guy around school right now.

Does all this cancer stuff scare you?

Scared shitless.

Well, I for one think you're a pretty brave bitch.

Is that thing keeping you up?

I couldn't sleep anyway.

Ugh.

Oh, my fucking God.

I'm gonna rip that fucking skeleton apart

bone by bone.

He's unnerving you. He's doing his job.

How do you know it's a he?

Can't even tell the gender of a skeleton.

That's what makes them extra creepy.

I think females have wider pelvic bones.

I love you dearly, honey,

but I can't analyze this right now.

Fucking neighbors.

The skeleton keep you up too?

What? No.

I'm just bedazzling my Halloween costume.

You still dress up?

Hell yeah.

I love Halloween.

I remember when Adam was about four,

it was the first year he ever really got Halloween.

We were done trick-or-treating in about an hour.

He came home, he dumped his bag on the floor,

tore into the candy,

fell asleep right there.

The next morning,

I found him waiting by the front door

dressed in his little Pocahontas costume

ready to go again.

He was Pocahontas?

He was obsessed with her.

Paul was sure he was gonna be gay.

I'll give you 20 bucks if you have a picture

I can torture him with.

Seems like such a long time ago now.

So what are you making?

I usually just start creating

and then see where my inspiration takes me.

So I'm thinking a sparkly ghost,

or a sparkly bird,

or a witch, but sparkly.

Fucking pagan holiday.

Paul, you cannot steal their decorations.

Oh, don't worry.

I left the entire interactive tombstone display

with the ghoul that says,

"I've lost my head. Have you seen it?"

Every time I get in my fucking car.

God damn psycho neighbors.

They're infatuated with death over there.

I think he's a little nervous

about my starting the clinical trial today.

Are you?

I'm excited.

I mean, I have a game plan.

Granted, it involves needles and hospital smells,

but still, kinda excited.

Well, I was gonna leave this out as a surprise,

but since you're up.

Oh!

I love it.

Mmm!

I feel braver and bitchier already.

Good morning to you.

Everyone else is making their houses look scary.

Yours is starting to look positively inviting, sir.

That's the whole point.

Neighbor kids think this house is haunted,

and Marlene really put the nail in that coffin

when she, you know, put the nail in the coffin.

Well, you'll probably get two or three

little treaters tonight.

Hopefully more as the years pass.

Yeah, kids dressed up as lions and princesses

and Charlie Chaplin, that's what I want.

Then someday I'll dress my own kid up

as one of the seven wonders of the world,

and we will go around begging for sugar.

You still sleeping in the yard in that scenario?

Nope.

I promised Rebecca I'd be moved back inside

by the time she got back.

I slept on the porch last night.

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

Plan on joining her in bed upon her return.

I hope my new drugs help me

as much as yours are helping you.

Jesus, those were some hairy strands of DNA

our shithead parents tried to string together.

Happy Halloween.

You're gonna do great today.

Oh, hi, honey bunny.

I can't believe you guys call each other that.

What are you doing? Get out of here.

I can't. I live here, remember?

Yeah, that doesn't give you the right

to just barge into my room.

Unwad your bikini briefs.

I'm just 'cause your mom wanted me to tell you

that breakfast is ready.

Tell her I'll eat something later.

I'm not your messenger.

You're not my boss.

Look, bitch, I just think it'd be nice

if you gave your mom a good luck hug or something.

Then she'll get all weird and start crying.

So?

She can't cry with all the shit she's going through?

Why do you care? She's not your mother.

Your mom moved thousands of miles away

and let you stay with a bunch of strangers, remember?

You look stupid in that shirt.

Oh, come on, guys, we went over this!

Everything okay?

Ugh, I just gotta get this project turned around

by tomorrow,

and every possible thing that could go wrong

is going wrong!

Would it be sexual harassment if I called Jeff a douche bag?

It might be.

Jesus, this parking lot is packed.

I hope I'm not late.

Thanks so much for being designated driver, hon.

I gotta get these emails out,

and I just wouldn't want to upset Oprah

by, you know, texting and driving.

- Oh, there's a spot. - What? Where?

Missed it.

Okay, you cannot be a backseat driver

in the front seat while texting.

- It's just not-- - There's another one!

Get that space.

Oh, my God! You ran over somebody!

You scared me.

Are you okay?

Oh, my-- I am so, so sorry.

I didn't see you.

- Oh, it hurts. - Where, sir?

Can you--can you tell us where?

Okay, I--I-- I don't see any blood.

Okay?

What if he's bleeding internally?

No, it felt like I barely tapped him.

Why don't you look where you're going for--

You're the one that told me to--

Why are you laughing?

That never gets old.

Wait.

Are you fucking with us?

That was not funny.

That was very funny.

I mean, you have to be a really bad driver

to hit someone in a parking lot.

Oh, that doesn't happen every day.

You scared the shit out of us.

Boo.

Have a nice day.

Fucking freak.

Jeez!

You knock much?

As if you could hear me knocking

over your shitty taste in music anyhow.

Cathy asked me to bring that to you.

Oh, diabetes in a bag.

Thanks. Did you open this?

You didn't expect me to bring it all the way over here

for free, did you?

Can I ask you something?

Do you hear a thumping noise?

Not now, but when you came in?

- What do you mean? - Okay, shit.

I keep hearing these noises,

like a thumping or something.

It comes from over here,

and then it's over there.

But when I try to follow the sound,

whoo, it goes somewhere else.

I'm kind worried that I'm going crazy again,

hearing ghosts or something.

Oh, my God, it's Marlene.

Yeah, right, good one.

I'm serious.

Sometimes when people die at home,

their spirits get stuck.

It happens all the time.