The Lady Vanishes

- - Hello.

- What's all this fuss about, Charters? - I'm hanged if I know.

Danke schön. Danke schön.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry.

The train is little bit uphold.

And if you wish to stay in my hotel, you have to register immediately.

Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?

Ah.

Oh, how do you do, Miss Henderson? How do you do, ladies?

- It's a great honor to have you with us again. - Nice to see you too, Boris.

- You haven't changed a bit since last Friday. - I see you haven't shaved either.

- Is everything ready? - Everything is ready. I didn't change anything.

Not even the sheets. We know. Lead on, Boris.

You see, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

- Well, our legs gave out on us. - That's odd.

- We had to do the last lap in a farm cart. - Oh!

I see we've got company. Don't tell me Cook's are running cheap tours here.

- What is it, Boris? - It's the avalanche.

- Avalanche? - Avalanche, Boris. Avalanche.

You see, in the spring we've got many avalanches.

You know, the snow goes like that: Bloop!

And everything disappear. Even train disappear under the avalanche.

But I'm going home tomorrow. How long before they dig it out?

By morning. It's lucky for you.

You can leave by this train instead of your own.

How you said it? Is a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.

Talking of wind, we haven't eaten since dawn.

- Serve us some supper, Boris, in our room. - I could eat a horse.

- Don't put ideas into his head. Uh, some chicken, Boris. - Yes.

- And a magnum of champagne. - Absolutely.

- And make it snappy. - Bandrika may have a dictator, but tonight we're painting it red.

Meanwhile we have to stand here cooling our heels, I suppose, eh? Confounded impudence.

Oh, third-rate country. What do you expect?

- Wonder who all those women were. - Hmm. Possibly Americans, I should think.

- You know, almighty dollar, old man. - I suppose we'll have to wait here.

If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.

I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted...

on standing up until they finished their national anthem -

Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott.

If I'd known it was going to last 20 minutes -

Well, it's always been my contention that The Hungarian Rhapsody...

is not their national anthem.

- In any case, we were the only two standing. - That's true.

- Well, I suppose we shall be in time after all. - I doubt it.

That last report was pretty ghastly. Do you remember? "England on the brink."

Yes, but that's newspaper sensationalism.

- The old country's been in some tight corners before. - It looks pretty black.

Even if we get away first thing tomorrow morning, there's still the connection at Bâle.

- We'll probably be hours. - Mmm, that's true.

Well, somebody surely can help us. Oh, sir.

Would you happen to know what time the train leaves Bâle for England?

- - Oh. Really?

Fella doesn't speak English.

Hello? Alex.

Champagne. Miss Henderson.

- Monsieur. -

- Here's one leaves Bâle 2120. - 2120?

- Yeah. - Twenty. Twenty. Twelve from 21 is -

- Twenty-one - - Eleven. No. Yes. Eleven.

I regret, sir, there is only left two single room in front...

or a little double room at the back.

- We'll, uh, take the two singles. - Very well, sir. Here is.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

At least you might have asked me which I preferred.

My dear, a small double room at the back in a place like this -

You weren't so particular in Paris last autumn.

It was quite different then. The exhibition was at its height.

I realize that now. There's no need to rub it in.

- We want a private suite with a bath. - Facing the mountain.

- Yes. - With a shower, of course.

- Hot and cold. - A private thingummy if you've got one.

Sorry, gentlemen. The only things I've got is the maid's room.

- The what? - Maid's room?

I'm sorry. The whole hotel is packed. Jammed to the sky.

That's impossible. We haven't fixed up yet.

You can't expect to put the two of us up in the maid's room.

Well, don't get excited. I'll remove the maid out.

Yes, I should think so. What? What are you talking about?

- I think I'd sooner sleep on the train. - Would you?

- There is no 'eating on the train. - No eating on the train?

Yes. I mean - Heating.

- Heating. There's no heating on the train. - That's awkward.

- All right. We'll take it. - Just a minute. With one condition.

You have to have the maid comes to your room, remove her wardrobe.

Anna.

She's a good girl, and I don't want to lose her.

We'd better go and dress.

- Rather primitive humor, I hope. - Grown-up children, you know.

That was rather an awkward situation over that girl.

- Pity he couldn't have given us one each. - Eh?

- I mean, uh, a room apiece. - Oh.

I, Iris Matilda Henderson...

a spinster of no particular parish...

do hereby solemnly renounce my maidenly past...

and do declare that on Thursday next, the 26th inst., being in my right mind...

I shall take the veil and the orange blossom...

and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringail.

Can't you get him to change his name instead?

The only thing I like about him is his mustache.

You're a couple of cynics. I'm very fond of him.

Well, I'm fond of rabbits, but they have to be kept down.

Rudolph, give me a hand.

Have you ever read about that little thing called love?

It used to be very popular.

Child, the carpet is already laid at St. George's, Hanover Square.

And Father's simply aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label.

To Iris and the happy days she's leaving behind.

And the blue-blooded check-chaser she's dashing to London to marry.

The blue-blooded check-chaser.

I have no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything.

I've eaten caviar at Cannes...

sausage rolls at the docks.

I've played baccarat at Biarritz...

and darts with the rural dean.

What is there left for me but...

marriage?

Oh!

It's this hanging about that gets me.

If only we knew what was happening in England.

- Mustn't lose grip, Charters. -

Come in.

- Did you follow that? - I did.

Tell her this has gone far enough.

No, uh - No change, uh - change here.

- Um, outside. -

- She doesn't understand. - No. Come on.

Oh!

Nothing newer than last month.

I don't suppose there is such a thing as a wireless set hereabouts.

- Being in the dark like this - our communications cut off in a time of crisis. -

Hello, hello, hello! London?

You want Mr. Seltzer? Yes. Hold on. I'm going right to - to find where he is.

London.

Go on. Risk it.

Hello. Hello. You. You in London.

Huh? No, no, no. I'm not Mr. Seltzer.

Name's Charters. I don't suppose you know me. What?

Well, you needn't worry. They've just gone to fetch him.

Tell me. What's happening to England?

"Blowing a gale"? No, you don't follow me, sir.

I'm inquiring about the test match in Manchester.

Cricket, sir! Cricket! What? You don't know?

You can't be in England and not know the test score.

- Fella says he doesn't know. - Oh, silly ass.

Hello. Can't you find out? Nonsense. It won't take a second.

Oh, all right. If you won't, you won't!

- Wasting my time. The fella's an ignoramus. - Mr. Seltzer...

at last your call come through to London.

Hello. Hello, hello. London.

Huh? London.

- Thank you, waiter. -

- What do you say to a grilled steak? - That's a very good idea.

- Well done for me, please. - On the red side for me.

- - These people have a passion for repeating themselves.

- I - I beg your pardon. - Mm-hmm?

He's trying to explain to you that, owing to the large number of visitors, there's no food left.

No food?

What sort of place is this?

Expect us to share a blasted dog box with a servant girl on an empty stomach?

Is that hospitality? Is that organization?

Oh. Thank you.

- I'm hungry, you know. - What a country. I don't wonder they have revolutions.

You're very welcome to what's left of the cheese.

Uh, of course, it's not like beefsteak, but it's awfully rich in vitamins.

- Really. Thank you very much. - I'm afraid they're not accustomed to catering for so many people.

Bandrika is one of Europe's few undiscovered corners.

Yes. That's probably 'cause there's nothing worth discovering, I should think.

You may not know it as well as I do. I'm feeling quite miserable at the thought of leaving it.

- After you with the cheese, please. - Certainly, old man. Why not?

- So you're going home? - Tomorrow.

My little charges are quite grown up.

I'm a governess and a music teacher, you know.

In the six years I've lived here, I've grown to love the country, especially the mountains.

I sometimes think they're like very friendly neighbors.

And their nephews and nieces. Not quite so big. With smaller hats.

Right down to the tiniest hillock without any hat at all.

Well, of course, that's just my fancy.

- Oh, really. - I like to watch them from my bedroom every night when there's a moon.

Do you hear that music?

Everyone sings here. The people are just like happy children...

with laughter on their lips and music in their hearts.

- It's not reflected in their politics, you know. - I never think you should judge any country by its politics.

After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?

You'll excuse me if I run away. Good night. Good night.

Queer sort of bird.

Trifle whimsical, I thought.

Well, after six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical.

Oh, I don't think so, old man.

- She was very decent about that cheese. - Mmm.

I see she's finished the pickles.

- Listen. Someone's serenading. - Oh, let him. Nothing will keep me awake tonight.