Single Parents

Which one? I can't decide.

Definitely... neither.

Anyway, who cares? You and Tracy are just going to a restaurant.

Yeah, that serves breakfast for dinner.

Dressing for breakfast, I get.

Dressing for dinner? Double duh!

But dressing for a place that blends the two?

Impossiblé.

Look, you guys have been dating for a year.

If there's a sweater left that she hasn't seen,

you got too many sweaters, my man!

We actually haven't gone out on a date in, like, over a month.

Between the holidays and Sophie joining bell choir,

we just haven't had that much time together.

Well, does bell choir need to meet five days a week?

I don't know. Do they want to make regionals?

Okay. Let's go to your closet.

I'll pick something.

Don't make eye contact with Rory, or he'll try to join us.

Will and Tracy are going to Night Yolk?

That's a hot rezzie.

Just thinking about it gives zaddy a hankering for pancakes.

Listen to me, dinner tonight is gonna be bad.

No, you listen to me.

I am the taste maker of this friend group,

and I won't remind you again.

It's not that.

My dad's not just having dinner with Tracy.

Tonight, he's gonna get dumped.

I was with him at KZOP,

trying to kill time before his segment...

You're a bad bitch forecast freak!

You're a bad bitch forecast freak.

I was going to see if the satellite truck guys

were rolling dice.

That's when it happened.

I'm tired of trying to make it work.

I feel terrible all the time.

Will and I are going to dinner tonight.

I'm gonna end it there.

Well, would you look at that.

Sisters!

I feel like I know the stool he's referring to.

Rory!

A breakup will kill my dad.

Or at the very least,

send him into another long phase of sad baths.

What makes you think your dad's gonna overreact?

A caramel shirt, Poppy?! Really?

What's next? You want me to put on nougat pants?!

You guys want juice?

02x13 - Chunkies

I can't believe it's happening.

Sicily's own Graham D'Amato is finally meeting Papà Derek.

Hold still. Tony's got pins,

and he won't hear you if you scream.

I hope my new look doesn't get messed up.

You know, when we're doing guy stuff,

like watching the big game

and eating queso with our shirts off.

Big day.

- - Big day!

I am not on antianxiety meds, and I am pumped!

Big day.

How do I look?

Dynamite.

Like a rich kid going to court for murder.

How do you feel?

Excited.

But also cold and sweaty and weird.

Okay, Mom, when Derek gets here,

I want to be in my room doing a 3-D puzz.

So if he asks, I 3-D puzz all the time, 'kay?

'Kay, buddy. It's your backstory.

- Okay, so, here's the plan. - Oh, no, thank you.

Last month, I promised Graham

that he could meet his dad, and today is the day.

But that kid is easily overwhelmed,

so I have designed this weekend to run like a corporate retreat.

We'll exchange names, a few fun facts,

and then we all go home with a tote bag

and an opinion of Houston that remains 100% unchanged.

Living together has brought us closer this year.

I regret that.

See, I have broken down this weekend

into digestible 90-minute chunks, okay?

I call them "chunkies," because a chunky is just long enough

for Graham to get a sense of Derek

but not so long that he gets attached.

Okay, well, I have a date

with Sky TV's all-day marathon of Brexit news,

so enjoy this oddball family reunion.

No, no, no, no. This is not a family reunion.

- - Okay, this is a structured event

that will repeat yearly

until Graham is in college or Derek kicks it.

That's boundaries, baby.

And to set 'em, Derek is not allowed to go

anywhere near my bed or my bod.

Easy, Tony.

Hi. I'm Der...

Don't care.

Sorry I'm late. I lost track of time finishing a 40-piece puzz.

Were either of those guys Graham?

I have to find a way to cancel dinner.

I'd have you pretend to be sick,

but you don't have the acting chops.

I've heard your fake cough.

What?! I can fake-cough.

Cough!

- Oh, sweetie. - Whatever.

I have a move that always works.

Prepare to be dazzled.

Okay, Tracy's on her way,

so if there are any outfit notes, it's too late.

Dad... you can't go.

Because I've been struck by...

vertigo.

What? Soph!

As Will rushes to his daughter's side,

Rory reacts, impressed.

Perhaps he misjudged her after all.

Okay, did you girls get the TV up and running yet?

It's a big day for Brexit coverage.

I just love seeing that stupid country fall apart.

There's no easy way to say this.

The TV's dead.

But... you said you could fix it.

We did everything we could, but it was just her time.

Poor thing.

- - She was never the same after

Time Warner became Spectrum.

Hey, guys, check this out... Dwayne's in a car commercial!

Don't bother. She's gone.

Leave the corpse alone.

Which reminds me, take your time when making arrangements.

Yeah. Trash pickup's not until Tuesday.

- - Come on down to Dwayne's,

where you'll find the car of your dweams.

You did it!

Miggy!

What'd I do?

You fixed the TV.

Even the twins couldn't do it.

But you did.

Um, Amy?

What the living crap?

Don't talk to me. I'm processing.

- Hold my hand, Father. - Oh.

I feel bad for Sophie,

but am I the only one who can't stop thinking

about breakfast for dinner?

Girl, you basically look like a waffle to me right now.

You get it.

I'll be here with these dancing spots.

Hey, is this really what vertigo looks like?

Who knows? It's the vaguest sickness of all time.

Why do you think I picked it?

You're evil.

- - Marry me.

- Hey. - Hey!

Team Bagels-After-Dark.

Ready to hit the road to carb town?

Is everything okay?

I am so sorry, but we're gonna have to play dinner by ear.

Sophie has vertigo.

It's a thing where you get dizzy.

Oh, I've had vertigo my whole life.

I had to wear a helmet to my prom,

and I was still voted queen.

Imagine how good my boobs had to be.

Sorry. Forgot my audience.

Point is, I am a vertigo expert.

Enter Tracy Freeze.

Cheap shoes, decent purse, and a hell of a plot twist.

Focus, all right?

I am the captain of this ship.

And before you meet the only important passenger on board,

I need to know you understand the rules.

- Aye aye, captain. - No!

The ship stuff is only for me.

Rule one... you can only ask Graham

the pre-approved questions I e-mailed.

Ho'd up. What's in the bag?

Gifts. Turns out it's hard to shop for a kid I don't know.

"He's a boy with brown hair" was not enough information

for the guy at Target.

- Bouncy ball? - Mm-hmm.

- Slingshot. - Mm-hmm.

And what is this, shorts?

Did you bring my son a pair of shorts?

Are shorts no good?

That's okay. I've prepared for that.

I also have capris in my van.

How about we push gifts till Chunky Number Two?

Hey, hey, before we go in there,

I just want to say thank you for this.

I'm gonna meet my son.

No bod!

It's showtime.