Carol's Second Act

Ah, the hospital in December.

No one wants to schedule procedures,

people are leaving town in droves,

a hush settles over the OR.

And we can par-tay!

Oh, I can't wait for Jenny to get here.

I haven't told her about the mixer yet.

- She is going to love it. - Ah!

Kids are what make the holidays so special.

- Yes. - My children used to love it

when I'd dress up for Christmas.

As Jack Frost, of course.

What's a... that?

He's Old Man Winter.

He nips at your nose?

Come on, girl.

Don't get mad, I grew up in L.A.

It's 80 degrees at Christmas and everything's on fire.

Ah! There you are!

Merry Christmas!

- It's December 19th. - I know,

but we're not gonna be together on the actual holiday.

Oh, that's gonna be weird.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna miss you.

Yes. Me, too. Which is why...

We're not gonna be able to have our whole Christmas,

but we'll have the abridged version in the lounge tonight.

Carols and eggnog, joyful colleagues and Caleb.

Ooh! That sounds fun.

But can we do it after I get back from my cruise?

We can't do Christmas after Christmas.

But we can do Christmas before Christmas?

Yes, everybody knows that.

Dr. Kenney, I have a patient for you:

an 18-year-old admitted with alcohol poisoning.

Well, I have a 27-year-old admitted with Christmas spirit.

Tell me, is this gonna be my whole month?

- Oh, yeah. - Okay.

Okay.

You stay put, I'll get back as fast as I can,

we'll go to my mixer,

and we'll put your tinfoil blob on top of the tree.

Okay, um, but I can't stay too late.

I-I didn't know you were gonna do this.

I still have to pack.

The only thing you have to pack for that cruise are

several different facial expressions

for every time your father says, "All the food is free".

Are you sure you're okay with me going on this cruise with Dad?

Yes, I'm fine. I just want to spend

a little holiday time with you.

- Dr. Kenney! - Yeah. Okay.

Oh.

So, is that what you're wearing on our date?

No, I planned on changing into my formal scrubs.

Oh, you, uh, brought a suitcase.

This is moving a little fast for me.

Oh, I have to get this.

Hey, Dad.

Yes, I'm excited about the magic show.

Oh, shows?

Great.

Lot of pressure for this date with Jenny tonight.

You've only got one chance to make a good enough impression

to last her through her many days at sea.

I think I can handle it.

I don't know, there's gonna be a lot of Europeans stuffed

into a lot of Speedos on that boat.

But if you can handle it...

Oh, fine.

You think I haven't thought about that?

All I've thought about for weeks is hot dudes in Speedos.

I heard it.

That's why I need to make this date happen before she leaves.

If she goes on this cruise before we go out,

I'm done. No shot.

All right. I was just...

trying to mess with your head,

but clearly you don't need my help.

All right, everyone.

Listen up.

In the spirit of the season,

an entire accounting department has been admitted

after a food poisoning incident at an office holiday party.

The ER is sending up their overflow,

so we need all residents to stay on shift for as long as it takes

to stabilize and treat everyone.

We need all hands on deck.

No, no, no, no.

Ah, it's gonna be okay, Dr. Kutcher.

We're doctors.

I bet "all hands on deck" is gonna be

the theme for Jenny's cruise.

Okay, Harper, we're treating your dehydration

from the alcohol with IV fluids,

and we're giving you some analgesics

for your abdominal pain.

You'll feel better soon.

Oh, thank you.

I could've told you she had alcohol poisoning

when I found her throwing up on the carpet

in Izzy Phillipson's rec room.

- Sorry, Mom. - I bet you are.

She comes home from college for the winter break,

supposedly to spend time with her family.

And then I barely see her until I get a frantic call

from her friend at some party and find her drunk on the floor

like Liza Minnelli.

Who?

You're in enough trouble. Don't question my references.

- See how she is? - It's like they hit a certain age,

and everything else becomes so important,

they have no time for Mom.

- How old is yours? - 27.

It's a tough age.

Name one that isn't. Once they grow up,

all of a sudden you're not a priority anymore.

Oh, tell me about it. Before you know it,

you're eating an entire gingerbread house

on Christmas Eve all by yourself,

and they're living it up with their dad

at a holiday buffet on the open sea.

What?

It's an old saying.

You know, this food poisoning is the perfect metaphor

for the toxic excesses of the holidays.

I would say it's the perfect metaphor

for the perils of the potluck.

Because there's always an uninvited guest.

Bacteria.

I would've expected this kind of sloppy food preparation

from the sales department, but accounting?

Be better.

Can we focus?!

We all took an oath to treat people

as quickly as possible, so...

We'll start by testing for serious foodborne illness

such as listeria and E. coli.

If it's serious enough, we'll have to report it to the CDC.

These stool samples we've collected will go to

the lab for testing so we can identify the illness.

And off you go.

Come on, seriously?

Well, you got two hours till dinner.

Can't take Nurse Flash more than four

to shuffle those to the lab.

Screw this.

Sorry.

You're killing it, Doris!

Move, move, move, move, move!

Hey.

Hey. What you got there?

Oh, you know, just super-awesome doctor stuff.

Mm. You know, if you're too busy with work,

we can wait and go out after I get back from my cruise.

Unless, you know...

pirates.

It's-it's fine. I'll just have to meet you at the restaurant.

Okay. I just need some time to run home and get ready.

And I know that's poo.

Okay, Jenny, I'm back.

Let's go to the lounge!

It is a winter wonderland in there.

Well, I'm exaggerating.

It's more like a winter...

"Hey, this is better than normal" land.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,

you're not leaving already, are you?

Yeah, I told you, remember? I have to go.

Come on, I worked really hard to make it

so that we would have some holiday time together.

Mom, you've known about this cruise for weeks.

I don't know why you're making such a thing of this.

Because everything's just moving so fast,

and it snuck up on me.

And I've seen the bikinis you wear.

It's not gonna take that much time

to pack a piece of string, Jennifer.

Fine! Okay, the truth is...

I'm not leaving to get ready for the trip.

I have a date.

Oh, so you're seeing somebody?

Well, no. Tonight is just a first date.

So, first you ditch me for your dad, and now

you're deserting me for some random guy on Christmas?

I am not deserting you.

And it's not even Christmas.

It's Christmas Eve Eve

Eve Eve Eve Eve.

I'm sorry.

Is it so wrong to expect 30 to 45

to 50 minutes with your mother?

Oh, wow, okay?

I'm going on a cruise with Dad and a guilt trip with you!

Well, that kind of attitude is not even welcome at my party.

Mom, you can't just spring things on me like this.

I have a life, too.

So apparently now I'm the bad guy for wanting

to spend a little time with my daughter before the holidays.

She's the Grinch.