Hill Street Blues

Coming tonight on Hill Street Blues...

Rosa Lombardy.

Her name in Christ, Sister Anna Carmela.

Raped, beaten with fists and a blunt instrument,

mutilated.

Get me out of here!

You guys did it.

I'll shut up and wait till my mouth gets here.

Take your time, Sister.

I don't know.

You will be signing a death warrant.

Call the judge.

Item 7. Stakeouts.

As I was saying, Item 7.

Stakeouts continuing are Hertle Avenue Market,

Ten Planets Video Arcade opposite Massey High School,

and in concert with our brothers from the Treasury Department,

Ramirez Check Cash, 140th and North.

We also begin an operation at the Allen Street bus terminal...

concerning the commercial activities of, uh,

gay gentlemen of pleasure in the depot men's room.

In this regard, I call to your attention the currently voguish brown-bag maneuver,

in which one of two caballeros sharing a men's room stall...

stands with his feet in a shopping bag...

Thus convincing passing law enforcement agents...

the stall has only a single and legitimate tenant.

Would that we could address our problems of urban blight...

and inflation as resourcefully as we satisfy our passions.

Item 8.

For those of you double-shifted at the Dee Dee Cleveland concert...

at Memorial Auditorium tonight are listed on the upstairs board.

Be aware that for reasons unknown,

vandalism and theft, among those leaving Ms. Cleveland's concert in the past,

have tended to focus on shoe stores,

especially those dealing in your more exotic...

and reptilian styles of contemporary footwear.

Alligator, lizards.

Item 9 is a memo from Chief Daniels...

Regarding profanity...

in our dealings with the civilian populace,

which memo is also posted on the upstairs board.

People, I recognize downtown's tendency to be unrealistic in these matters,

but consider a complaint I took yesterday from a elderly woman...

who had been rendered assistance with a stolen vehicle by one of our uniforms.

Here was one of our own, going the extra mile in the performance of his duty,

yet he was so accustomed to certain patterns of speech, that in arriving at the scene,

he cheerfully inquired, and I quote,

"So, what the bleep's wrong with your car, ma'am?"

Said bleep allegedly causing complainant a severe episode of migraine.

Now, I've assembled some terms you might try substituting...

for the swear words in question...

as you move through your daily routine.

Now, they won't come trippingly to your tongue at first,

but with time and usage, you could find them becoming second nature.

Your recourse to obscenity will then be fresh and vital...

when you encounter those situations and individuals...

for whom only obscenity will suffice. -

Now, the officer in question could have used the word "Heck."

Other more suitable terms... drat, shoot, fudge...

Instead of the more common expletive usually associated with your street patois.

Fudge patois. Yeah, fudge patois.

Item last. Starting today, and continuing for the next six weeks,

Sergeant Esterhaus will not be supervising the activities of the front desk.

He will instead be conducting an experimental,

six-week orientation class for senior cadets at the police academy.

In his absence, his duties upstairs will be divided between...

Officer Schnitz and Sergeant Goldblume.

I will, however, continue to deliver the morning roll call.

That's it. Let's roll!

And, hey, let's be careful out there.

And, people,

let's show a little restraint in defacing the chief's memo.

God, it's hot! You know, I could rub ice cubes all over you.

It's not enough they issue a new procedure every goldarned week,

it's not enough that we're up to the seat of our pants in policy,

in everything from personal hygiene to choke holds.

Will you get outta my way! Excuse me!

Now, they're trying to regulate my expression!

Tell 'em to fudge off. Morning, Lieutenant. That's easy for you to say.

Bates, Coffey, robbery-shooting. A bodega at 4139 Jefferson.

Hill, Renko. Domestic beef. 9260106th Street, apartment five.

Let's go! You'll have to wait.

They're not gonna regulate my facilities. Ah, your facilities!

Don't look at me like that, sweet-face boy.

Use it! Why are we so stern?

Last name first. DuBois.

First name? Blanche.

Dispatch. We have a 9-11.

Armed robbery in progress.

See surplus store, corner of People's Drive, 124th Street.

Somebody's trade got a little rough, huh?

Some of us know how to incite passion.

Can't you change that to lascivious carriage? It's a tonier kind of bust.

You were soliciting, pit breath.

I've never tricked for anyone I wouldn't have done gratis.

Belker. Mickey, it's Mom.

Hi, Ma.

Ma, come on. So what if he was on the lawn. He likes the fresh air.

Well, it's warm, see?

Okay, so he forgot to put 'em on.

Next time you'll lay 'em out where he can see 'em better.

He did what? He peed on the oak tree.

No, he didn't! Yes, he did.

On Mrs. Caridi's oak tree?

He was sleepwalking. He's senile.

Don't say that. Don't use that word!

He was sleepwalking and he had to make water and that's all.

He does not think he's a dog. That's probably a deep cough.

I'm not gonna... We are not gonna speak if you continue to say that word.

Senile, senile, senile!

I'll talk to you later. I will call you later on.

Give my love to Pop.

So, feed him!

Put it down there for him.

How old is he? None of your business!

He's 82.

Senility is nothing to be ashamed of, you know. He is not senile!

It's part of life. Will you button it?

My grandmother was senile. She had such fun on her birthdays.

She'd open her present, then drift off.

Then look down, see her present, and get happy all over again.

That's what my father does with his breakfast cereal.

Frank. Frank.

I have a tax audit this afternoon. The I.R.S. has called me.

Receipts? Yes.

Frank, I'm really worried.

Rosa's sister bought us a lottery ticket in New Hampshire last summer.

We won $2,500. Now she won't talk to us.

And you didn't report the income.

The man at the service said they'd never check.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

He said deduct a portion of our rent.

He said don't declare what Rosa made selling dress patterns.

Is he gonna go with you to the audit? That's what they advertise.

Their office says they are trying to find him.

Morning, Frank, Ray. Morning.

I have a tax audit this afternoon. It's probably just routine.

Oh.

Iverson got 18 months. Who is Iverson?

He didn't file a return for seven years, Howard. Who is Iverson?

He's a lieutenant, midtown.

They let him do his time on the weekends.

All right! I cheated with Rudy. I'm that way!

I'm a creature of passion. But am I worth going to prison for?

Am I worth murder?

Rudy! Rudy!

It's the police, Carl! Do you want them to shoot you...

like a dog because of me? Nobody's gonna be shot, ma'am.

Just tone down your language. Is it the police?

Yes, sir. It is the police.

Oh, my goodness! Sir, just take it easy, okay?

My head's stuck! Get me outta here!

Now, Carl, give me that hammer.

Ow! He's steppin' on my hand!

Get off his hand, Carl.

Now, will everybody please take a minute...

and tell me what it is that is happenin' here.

I came home to find my wife, that slut there,

in my bed with my former best friend, Rudy, who I'm gonna bust up real bad!

Give me the hammer, Carl! You haven't hurt anybody yet. Now, come on!

Now, cousin, can you tell me how it is...

that you happened to get your melon wedged in here like this?

I don't know. He slipped climbin' outta the window.

I want him outta my bathroom!

He will get outta your bathroom, if you give that hammer to Officer Hill.

I'm not worth being killed for! Ma'am, please!

Give the hammer to Officer Hill here!

Attaboy, Carl. Way to go.

Did he give him the hammer? Yeah, I got the hammer, sir.

Will you forgive me, sugar? Take it easy, okay?

Now, what we have to do here is...

Be careful now. Don't do that!

I can't breathe. I can't breathe!

I think we got a problem here, son.

Let's get a little room here. Excuse me.

He gave everything. He didn't fight.

Why did they shoot him?

Would you like to sit down?

Do you remember anything else at all about the way they looked?

They're white. They have...

I don't see them very well.

Mrs. Rodriguez, there are gonna be some detectives...

that are gonna come back in a little while to talk to you.

There's gonna be some men also that will try to get some fingerprints.

So you're gonna have to keep the store closed and just don't touch anything at all.

You catch them?

Do you have someone to come stay with you?

My children will be home for lunch.

We got a call for Saint Mary's Church.

Sounds pretty bad. Crowd control.

Get back.

Get outta the way!

Keep it clear!

Get down!

Get back!

Can we just get a word with you?

Captain Furillo.

Lieutenant Calletano.

Uh, Rosa Lombardy.

Her name in Christ is Sister Anna Carmela.