A Patriotic Man (Isänmaallinen Mies) (Isänmaallinen mies)

Finns weak on World Ski Cup opening day

A PATRIOTIC MAN

Hats off, viewers!

Here's the hope and future for Finnish skiing:

Aino Turpeinen.

A new wind of success will blow -

and it will be pretty and fresh like Aino Turpeinen.

Here's your golden handshake. - Better jobless and drunk -

than just jobless.

The Soviet Union's Galina Lazutina...

Lots of excitement, I see.

And we're talking about a female athlete.

On the home stretch now, Marjatta Karhumäki.

No chance. - Over half a minute behind.

Marjatta is eighth.

There's the Finnish maiden.

Aino is twelfth. A poor performance.

What now? Formula One?

There's Head Coach llmo with his explanations.

We had to ski for him in school.

If you forgot to bring your skis, you had to 'ski' without them.

We'll see better runs, I'm sure of that.

I could keep some sheep here.

Liverpool vs Arsenal on Saturday.

Oops! I'll shower at work.

I hope today will be easier.

Yesterday a real Superman was born.

He came out fist first, ripped everything on his way.

The mother will never again fart without pain.

She needed two litres of blood. - Please.

What? Too squeamish for blood and farts?

The blood bank needs blood. You could give blood.

Do something useful. I'm going now.

Bye! - Bye.

My goodness.

What? Am I anemic? - No, on the contrary.

The drop spreads on top if the hemoglobin is too low.

Have you given blood before? - Only from the nose, in my youth.

Peltola.

Rich fuel, you've got.

Hemoglobin around 200.

These high values often run in the family.

How about yours? - I don't know about my father.

He died of a heart attack at 50.

Was it because of his blood? Is it dangerous?

Not anymore. There are new treatments now.

Many athletes would kill for such blood, though.

Especially since your blood type is O negative.

Compatible with anyone, right? - Exactly.

I have an old sports injury in my left knee.

Let's see...

I dabble in sports too. With the national ski team.

Our coach llmo needs reliable locals for the team.

Former athletes.

Sounds grand. But I know nothing about skiing.

I used to kick the ball around. - Can you hold a pair of skis?

I could put you in touch with the Ski Association's surgeon...

If we see more of each other, in skiing situations.

I have a special task for you.

Take these to the Karhumäki siblings.

The ski racks are labelled.

The shorter ones for Risto, -

the longer ones for Marjatta.

Careful! These skis brought home an Olympic medal.

I told you: long for Marjatta, short for Risto.

What are you babbling about?

We've often used each other's skis.

Even in competitions. - It's no big deal.

Two of a kind. They have the same tricks and cocktails.

But so cheap that on trips they share a razor.

Hello.

So here's our new man.

I'm llmo and you'll get to learn my ways...

...I hope. I like straight talk.

Know what dialectics means?

I enjoy a bloody good debate.

If dialectics get you in trouble, find yourself a lawyer.

I give a discount to the ski team.

Chairman Kataja. Welcome.

Toivo.

Hi. - Hello.

Can't you read? We can't have bubbles in the bottle.

If I drink bubbles, I'll puke on the first climb.

Sorry, I didn't realize.

Look, let's start over. I'm Aino.

Toivo. I'm a bit lost here, this is my first time.

I remember my first time. He was cute.

I remember mine too. She was drunk.

Turns out it's good you were fired.

Not if the team is sinking into the sunset.

I never understood where you find that positive attitude.

Don't start. - We're not starting anything.

Your mother knows everything.

It would be a sin not to share that wisdom.

I've had it. - We have dessert, to celebrate.

I used curd cheese for cream. It's lighter and fresher.

It's great to get into a team like that. Plus a trip. - Yeah.

The Finnish-Russian Border

Remember, boys: we're now on a raid.

If we sell all this, we can wipe our asses with rubles.

I thought Finland was a leader in servicing and waxing.

Excursions are always useful, as my ex-wife said.

How's the knee? Was the operation a success?

Sure. They even gave me crutches on doctor's orders.

Three.

Did you visit a pharmacy? - This is a scientific whorehouse.

Condoms are in the bag -

and this stuff will keep Ludmila's crabs at bay.

I'm a veteran of three divorces, see.

Let's go. I'll introduce you to a few people.

I don't like to pay for it. - These are hairy-assed guys.

Hello.

Gennadi and Meelik. Say strastui, Toivo.

You're a new face.

Gennadi and Meelik are our old partners.

We're co-operating again. - I hope it will be good.

What are we having? Champagne? - It's coming.

Maybe caviar. Let's celebrate tonight.

Relax. Don't do it. - Hope not.

Cheers.

Hi there.

You remembered the crutches. Good.

Brutal crabs out here.

Unscrew the crutches and we'll see what fits in there.

Fits in? What?

All you need to know is -

that we'll bring Finnish skiing back to the top.

You'll carry one briefcase and the crutches.

No, it's not in my job description.

You know what?

I hate nothing more than the kind of men -

who say they're patriots and love Finnish skiing -

but when it's time to act, they start to cry.

I'm crying now.

If you don't want Gennadi and Meelik to pay you a visit, -

keep your mouth shut about this.

What are you doing here?

We're all here for national success.

I have one question for you.

Are you a patriotic man? - Me?

Don't bumble. Answer. Are you or are you not?

I am. I'm a patriotic man down to the wrinkles of my balls.

That's why I'm here.

Do you know what paradox means?

My life is a paradox.

I'd rather be at my cottage, -

enjoying Finnish nature and the morning mist, -

tossing pure fresh lingonberries into my mouth.

Instead, I travel with brats and bubble-headed idiots.

But I have a reason.

I do it for my fatherland.

I have big plans for you.

An important task.

Are you chickening out?

My morals don't...

Your morals? Do you know what morals are?

Morals are for the weak.

For those who have no goal in life -

and who need rules set by others.

Me, I have a goal.

The best for my country.

And my conscience, it's clear.

I sleep like a baby.

Don't babies wake up every half hour, crying?

Exactly. But haven't we talked enough?

Let's look at some photos.

Here's morals for you.

How do you think she got those shoulders?

The goal with scientific coaching is -

to get even near this level.

In many countries doping is part of organized training.

We're far behind.

And we're offering you a big role.

Your blood.

Your blood is pure dynamite.

The name of the game is clear:

The better the blood, the better the oxygen goes around.

You can have an important national role in this.

You'll tour with the team. When needed, -

your fine, powerful blood will be given to the skiers.

Money does not play a big role in these matters, -

but we'll offer you a competitive remuneration.

Plus a car, with all the goodies.

Are you our man?

Hi! You're home.

Was it a good trip?

What's wrong? - It was an eventful trip.

I almost left the team.

Left?

We didn't agree, morally.

Morally? Didn't you like the hours?

Are you going to pay the bills with your morals?

Don't, honey. I'm exhausted.

We're okay, I'll keep working for them.

I'd like to be proud of you just this once.

Don't start crying now. I can't take it.

Do you realize my life's full of bursting mothers?

And screaming babies pushing into the world?

Is it too much to ask to have a man at home?

I'm going jogging with Pauli. - Pauli?