In Living Color

New this fall on Fox...

it's Kung Fu Master '91: The Adventure Continues.

Grasshopper, when you can grab this pebble from my hand...

it will be time for you to leave.

Sorry, not this time.

Oh, come on, Ancient Master.

It's been almost 20 years. I gotta get outta here!

Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we just say I grabbed it?

We don't have to tell anybody. It'd be my little secret.

I cannot do that.

Remember, as it is written:

"Life is a mystery.

"Everyone must stand alone.

"I hear you call my name...

"and it feels like home...

just like a prayer."

In other words...

you don't graduate until you grab this pebble.

All right. Wow, look over there.

- It's Julia Roberts and Jason Patric! - Where?

Nice try.

- Now let Aikido have his turn. - Good luck.

Are you still on pebble grabbing? Damn. Watch it, Compton style.

Congratulations, Aikido!

You are now ready to move on.

All right, what do you want? A hundred? Two hundred? Lakers season tickets? Front row!

I'm sorry, Grasshopper. But as it is written in the ancient scroll...

"It's it, and that's that."

Okay. I didn't want it to come to this.

Gimme the stone!

Right now!

- Whoo! - I got it! Uuh!

Remember, somewhere between love and madness lies obsession.

Yes! Yes, Master!

I understand now. I'm ready!

Master? Master?

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

- Aah! -

You always fall for that one!

Now, Grasshopper, go serve the other students their lunch.

- All right, already! -

Aah! Aah!

Ow, that's hot!

Ohh!

Join us next week for more exciting adventures of...

Kung Fu Master '91.

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

Ah, Minister Farrakhan, I'm certainly looking forward to the game today.

Well, Al Sharpton, the regular manager of the baseball team is sick today...

and the owner wants you to fill in.

And it's important that you become familiar with all the players' names...

especially since some of them are a little strange.

- Oh, I'm down. - That's right. I'm Down is sick, so you'll be taking his place.

- Say what? - Saywhat's over in right field.

- So who's on first? - No, Jews on first.

- Says who? - The owner, Whitey.

- Whitey's on the team? - That's right, with Jews on first...

Theman is on second, Mr. Charlie at shortstop, and It's Aconspiracy at third.

- Now, wait a minute. Who's at shortstop? - Mr. Charlie.

- But, now, isn't that a conspiracy? - No, Aconspiracy's at third.

- So then, who's at first? - No, Jews on first.

- Preach on. - Preachon is pitching.

- Say what, my brother? - Saywhat's right field. Mybrother is catching.

So, now, Mybrother's catching.

Right on. So where's Aconspiracy? Preach on.

No, Righton is in left field, Aconspiracy is at third, and Mybrother is catching, Preachon.

- Preach on? - That's right, Preachon.

- Amen. - Is playing center field.

- Say what? - In right field.

- Says who? - Whitey.

- Preach on! - Preachon is pitching to Mybrother.

So, uh, Jews on first?

- I'm down. - I thought you said he was the old manager.

- No, I'm just saying, "I'm down." - I'm Down, what? Is at first?

- No, Jews on first. - So, Jews on first...

Theman is at second, Mr. Charlie is the shortstop, and then It's Aconspiracy.

- Amen, my brother. - Center field and catcher.

- Say what? - Amen and Righton. Now, that takes care of the outfield.

- Righton and Amen. - So, where is the conspiracy?

Between Mybrother and Theman.

- According to who? - Whitey and Jews.

See, this is all the work of Whitey's and Jews.

Now, I understand Whitey, but why theJews?

- BecauseJews is also captain. - Over Mybrother?

- Right on. - And amen and preach on, my brother.

This is more confusing than the Tawana Brawley trial.

Johnny? Johnny, is that you?

Oh, Johnny, it's been so long. I thought you'd never come back.

- Why, you're notJohnny! - Yeah, I know.

Tell your story walking, pal, or I'll have the hotel dick up here so quick, you'll...

Look here, babe, you better chill, all right? You better chill, 'cause I will...

l... Baby, I will brush you to death.

Baby? Why, no sentimental sap on earth...

would call me baby, except one person alone... Johnny.

He sent you, didn't he? Oh, of course. I should've realized.

Oh, what did he say? Tell me everything. I want to hear every word.

Uh, he said for you not to call the police...

no matter what you do, and just forget this ever happened.

Oh, nuts. I could never forgetJohnny.

Why, I'm the only one in the world who really understands him.

Oh, take me to him, won't you? You've got to.

Oh, tell me everything. Tell me what he said. Tell me what he needs!

Well...

Well, actually, what he need is, Johnny needs some money.

Money? Why, is that all? The big lug.

No, not just money. He need, uh, credit cards, VCRs...

uh, camcorders, and he been cravin' for this Rolex.

Well, I suppose I do have a few baubles, a few trinkets, a few shiny souvenirs.

They may seem meaningless to you...

but they've brought a handful of happiness to this lonely heart.

Hey, hold it. This ain't one of them Totally Hidden Video things like that, is it?

Oh, Johnny. I remember the day he left as though it was yesterday.

He stood right at that door, and said to me, " Velma...

I'm going out for a dozen roses, a pack of cigarettes and a quart of gin."

Then he slipped me five bucks and told me to buy myself something pretty.

I've been waiting here ever since.

You don't have that five dollars with you, do you?

Oh, take it. Take it all.

Don't you see? Nothing means anything to me butJohnny.

Oh, I miss him so! Oh, Johnny!

Oh, Johnny! Oh!

Oh, Johnny!

I'm Oprah, girl. Let it out, girl. Caller, you say...

- Oh, Johnny! - Oh!

Ah, Johnny!

Johnny!

You will take me to him, won't you? You've got to.

I simply won't take "no" for an answer.

I'll just get my wrap and be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Hey, listen. Hold on, sweetie. Look, look. I'm gonna run and get some roses...

and some cigarettes and a quart of gin, and I'll be right back for you, all right?

All right, kid.

You don't have to spell it out for me.

I wasn't born yesterday, you know.

Hey. Here's five dollars.

Go get you something pretty.

That's right, kid. Go on without me.

It's better that way. I'll only slow you down.

But give a message toJohnny for me.

Tell him I love him. Tell him I'll wait right here.

I'd wait a thousand years.

Oh, Johnny.

I'd wait forever for you.

Now, let me get this straight:

You're looking for someone called the Gibberish Killer...

who leaves nonsensical notes on his victim's bodies.

That's correct, which is why I need to speak to the doctor immediately.

He could give me a psychological profile of this nut so we can catch him...

- before he murders again. - Oh, my darling Ms. Starling.

Let me first say this man is very dangerous.

If you're not careful, he could...

psychologically destroy you.

My four years at the academy weren't exactly a charm school, Doctor.

- I think I can handle him. - Well, here we are.