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Good morning, greendale!

As you know, it is April fool's day.

Just kidding--it's the day before April fool's.

Baba booey, baba booey, baba booey.

You know what, leonard? Strike two!

Anyway, just reminding you to keep any April fool's prank

Physically safe, politically balanced,

And racially accessible.

When in doubt, check the guidelines

In our college pranks literature.

i>- "guidelines for school-sanctioned pranks."

Huh, reminds me of my favorite college comedy.

- Oh, which one? - Exactly.

See, the dean doesn't get it.

The point of a practical joke is to shake up the system.

For example, who wants some of these?

Cool, yeah.

Looking for something?

- Nice. - Oh!

They allow student volunteers for campus security

During times of heightened shenanigans.

- Oh! - I want to be security.

Ooh, let's do it together. We can be partners.

That's a buddy cop movie I would watch.

But I wonder which of you would be by the book,

And which of you would be the bad-ass.

Oh, abed, you're so silly.

I'd be the bad-ass.

Greetings, mortals!

Morning! Snake in a can?

Oh, no, thanks. I'm fasting.

My buddhist church

Is having its annual ascension ceremony,

And I will be becoming

A level six laser lotus.

I know. I was speechless too.

Anyway, I have to detoxify for the ceremony.

I get all the nutrients I need with salt water and honey.

Even better if it goes down the wrong--

The wrong pipe.

So what happens in level six?

Well, nobody in my hive has ever seen a six.

But, uh, from what I hear,

I'll have immunity to germs,

Heightened psychic ability,

And improved night vision.

i>- Any bonuses to your kombat score?

I assume I'll fight better if I can see more.

Dumb ass.

Hey, pierce, I just remembered.

Right before you got here, some guy was delivering

Level six ceremonial robes?

What?! Why didn't you tell me?

Maybe if you run, you can catch him.

Way to use your brain, winger.

Abed, how fast can you run to the theater department?

37 seconds.

Don't come back without something ridiculous. Go.

Got it.

Guys, you realize you're exploiting the naivete

Of a man who is being brainwashed by a cult?

i>- Oh, well, it sounds a lot less fun when you say it.

Everything does. She's a buzz kill.

I'm not a buzz kill.

- Mm. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that doesn't really describe it.

You're more of a fun vampire,

Because you don't suck blood, you just suck.

He wasn't there.

Oh, I think abed found him.

Hey, give me that.

Ohh. It's amazing.

Wow!

It is absolutely gorgeous.

How do I look?

Yeah?

- Magical. - Great.

Of course, the only one who doesn't like this is britta.

Do you ever get tired of being a buzz kill?

?T× I can't count ?T×

?T× the reasons I should stay ?T×

This is gonna be exciting, ladies.

I hereby deputize you

As campus security for 48 hours.

Your windbreakers.

Your whistles.

Oh! Oh, okay.

Okay, now, I only have the one pepper spray.

It's mine.

But I'll just get my groceries

In a better neighborhood this week.

I'll carry it.

Between the two of us, I'm sort of the bad-ass.

You are? Uh, how do you figure?

I don't know, shirley. How did you figure I wasn't?

I guess I didn't figure because I was too busy

Being the obvious bad-ass.

Sounds like we're both pretty convinced.

I guess we'll find out who's right once we're on the job.

Hmm, I guess we will.

I'm sorry, what is going on here?

A twist on a classic formula.

Normally, with buddy cops,

One's a straight-laced stickler,

And the other's a renegade.

But these two have equal claim to both roles.

And why are you here?

Well, short answer:

My cable went out.

hey... Can I run something by you?

?T× I was thinking of pulling a little prank tonight ?T×

All right.

For April fool's, a prank.

So you know how they have live frogs

In the anatomy lab?

Oh, yeah.

So I was gonna sneak in there, get a frog,

And then tomorrow,

When se?±or chang's class is coming in,

There will be a frog on his desk

Wearing...

Ta da!

Oh, you're done.

Did you read the hat?

- Se?±or chang. - Yeah.

Oh, you don't get it.

- I guess I don't. - The frog is chang.

Okay, I did get it. It's funny.

I know it's funny. Oh, wait, I forgot--

It's not your kind of joke. It's not at anyone's expense.

Britta, why waste your time envying my gift for levity

When there's so much you could be doing

With your natural talent for severity?

You know what?

My prank is gonna cause a sea of laughter,

And I am gonna watch you drown in it.

That a girl!

Seven.

That's right.

Jeff, I can read minds.

No way.

What color am I thinking of?

Pink?

What the hey?

Must be the robe.

Yeah.

Hey...Cookie crisp.

Cookie crisp.

Is he talking to me?

i>- No. No.

Hey, pierce, that guy came back that brought your robes

And said he forgot to deliver...This.

What is it?

He said it focuses your powers?

Is that a cookie?

Maybe it's a piece of meteor.

Buddha arrived on a meteor!

When was the last time he ate?

I am the coolest guy

In the world.

Ugh. Hello, mr. Frog.

Can I just borrow you for a second?

"I'm se?±or chang."

Now tell me that's not funny.

aah! Oh!

Wait!

here froggy, here froggy.

Here froggy.

now real quiet.

Aah!

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Yaaah!

ohh.

aah!

Oh, that's horrible.

Oh, god, that's horrible!

Someone dropped a dead body out that window.

Is this was a brand-new sign, so...

I just don't want this to tarnish

Our school's reputation.

Don't worry, your school's reputation

Is way worse than this.

oh...

Here's our campus security.

Yeah, just stop right there.

Oh, ladies, don't pull up on that--

Ooh.

Oh, annie.

Mornin', boys.

I'm annie edison.

People call me "psycho"

Because I had a nervous breakdown in high school.

My partner's a christian housewife.

Can we help you?

Actually, can we not help you?

I tend to play by my own rules.

She loves rules. I only have one.

Stay out of my way.

Stay out of mine more.

You know what? This is misdemeanor vandalism.