Mercy

- Day one, 20 grand, until I knew the sewer line,

So I decided to go septic.

Put the tank in right over there.

You got real vision, hon.

Yes, real nice, mikey.

Anyone's looking for me, I'll be donating to that septic.

It's my housewarming gift.

Really, dad, seriously?

Is it important that we all know that?

- Hey, it's a dual-flush toilet, jimmy. Enjoy.

What the hell is that?

- Well, you gotta give the guy props for aiming high.

- If he nails her, I'll kill myself.

- You have the greatest job.

I mean, it must be such a rush

To run into a burning building.

- Yeah, yeah. That's-- that's totally true.

The adrenaline is kind of like, um,

Like a fifth element.

Hey, you should totally come do a ride-along sometime.

80% of the calls are medical.

You might find it, I don't know, educational?

Oh, yeah, that's cool.

- Really? I mean, cool.

- I got a jacuzzi from this job that went south.

Gonna drop it right into the deck once I run the electrical.

- I always wanted a jacuzzi.

- Well, now you've got one. Season pass.

Really?

I gotta look at my mom half-naked

All day long?

You should look this good

When you're my age, sugar.

What do you care?

You can't get into a hot tub when you're pregnant.

- Roni, is there something you want to tell us?

Um, it's true.

We--uh, we're trying. We're trying.

- That is one hell of a toilet, mikey!

The damn thing almost sucked me out to sea.

- Jim, roni and mike are gonna have a baby.

- Possibly, possibly. Not actually happening.

Okay. All right.

- Hey, who ordered the strippers?

Oh!

- Hey, fellas, I'm gonna have another grandkid.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, grab a drink.

Anything you want. - Hey, congratulations, jim.

Actually, we're here on business.

- Ah, noise complaint? Come on.

It's not even 8:30 yet.

- Well, we need to ask veronica some questions.

What's going on?

- A cinder block found its way through the windshield

Of a dr. Daniel harris.

You know anything about that?

I have never wanted to go to work

Less than I do right now.

So don't go.

- But if I don't go to work, people die.

So I have to go, right?

You know, I could cleash in the medicine cabinet.

- It's a toothbrush. It doesn't need a shelf.

No, but down the road.

- Down the road, a lot of things could happen.

An asteroid could split the earth in two.

We could be divided into tribes.

We could develop psychic powers.

Our heads could grow to twice their normal size.

Hit the toothbrush.

What is with this dog?

Every time I move, it snaps.

- His owner was a meth dealer.

That'll make a dog jumpy.

They were gonna put him down. I felt bad.

I mean, he didn't do anything wrong.

That's sweet.

But little crystal's gonna have to find herself a new crib.

Otherwise, I am liable to develop a severe dog allergy.

Sorry, buddy.

Yo, put on some pants!

- Did you see that naked dude?

[indistinct police radio chatter]

- Ma'am, step away from the building.

- Did you start the paramedics yet?

Yeah.

- Oh, crap. I'll get it.

You're okay, you're okay.

Just don't move. Can you tell me your name?

- Trevor. - Okay, trevor.

We're just gonna take you to the hospital.

Sound good? - Sure.

- You called the cops on me.

- You put a cinder block through my windshield.

- That could have been anyone.

But it wasn't.

They came to my house.

I was having a housewarming party.

I had to rent a car.

I'm driving a geo.

- No, no, no, I will not consent!

I am an attorney! I know my rights!

Please calm down, sir.

- Please don't tell me to calm down!

- Mr. Whitlow has sustained a compound fracture

To his right tibia in a car accident.

He needs surgery.

- Which, without my consent, would be vivisection,

Plain and simple.

- He says he won't go through with it

Until he finds out what happened to his wife.

She was in the car?

- Maybe you can find out more.

- Was your wife injured, mr. Whitlow?

- Yes. We were in different ambulances,

But they said she was coming here.

Please, she's pregnant.

- The e.R. Would have turfed her to o.B.

I'll find her.

- Promise me. - Yes, I promise.

Thank you.

- Yeah, perched up on the fire escape

Like some pasty junk-flapping- in-the-wind gargoyle.

He just went for it. He jumped.

- Okay, so let me get this straight.

You left half a cinnabon in the trash?

- Hey, sporty spice, you pulling half-shifts now?

- Oh, I have my fire department ride-along.

- You should put your boobs away.

These are firemen. Cover up and bring mace.

And valtrex.

- It's really not like that at all.

Veronica's brother invited me.

- I'm gonna go check on the gargoyle.

- Trevor wolinski, three broken ribs,

Concussion, 30 stitches in the legs,

16 on the arm.

You're lucky.

Most guys who try to off themselves

End up a lot worse.

- I wasn't trying to kill myself.

I'm actually anti-death, my own in particular.

I'm a somnambulist, which brings me to my favorite question.

Did you see my balls? - Yes, I did.

- I sleepwalk. I'm so sorry.

- Wow. So why the naked part?

Yeah, that's sort of

The cosmic pubic joke of the whole thing.

Again, I'm so--so sorry you had to see my danglers.

Apology accepted.

You ever consider pajamas? - I've tried.

I can't sleep if anything is on me.

It's constricting.

- Well, that is a perfect storm.

- Oh, my life is a disaster.

I'm an astronomer-- or I should be,

But I couldn't go to sleep-away college.

I should be working at nasa right now.

Instead, I'm a docent at the planetarium.

I refuse to be bitter.

Can I be alone?

Yeah.

- Carey whitlow, right? - Yeah.

- How's she doing? - Oh, lacerated liver.

E.R. Thinks they've stemmed the bleeding,

But I want to go in to be sure.

You're veronica, aren't you?

- Yeah. Hi. Just visiting.

Her husband is pre-op downstairs,

Holding the o.R. Hostage until I check on her.

Do you mind? - No.

- Carey, hi. My ne onica.

Your husband sent me to check on you

And let you know he's okay.

- Where is he? We got separated.

- They're setting his leg. He's downstairs.

He's fine. You'll see each other soon, I promise.

Are you okay? - I'm freaking out a little.

- Okay. I know you're scared, carey.

But dr. Jilani here just wants to make sure everything's okay.

- It's our first baby. I don't want drugs.

We have a whole birth plan.

- We do a lot of pre-term surgeries here.

The anesthesia is not gonna harm your baby in any way.

- She's right. - Okay. All right.

Wait, wait, no.

- There'll be a nurse down there for you.

- They keep passing me from one person to the next.

Please, stay with me.

- I'll go with you to the o.R.

All ready here, doc.

- Yeah, just give it a minute.

You're killing me.

I've got floor seats for the knicks.

Ah!

Mr. Whitlow,