American Dad!

Aah!

You, you guys, Devon!

Devon is

: retiring!

Who the hell is Devon?

Who the...?

He's our mailman.

The only man who's delivered mail

to this house for my entire life.

His shorts were always the harbinger of summer!

I could kill you right now.

Weren't you supposed to quit crying for New Year's?

I'm sensitive!

It's a desirable trait in some cultures.

In France, maybe... Oh, my God! Move to France!

Go. The hell. To France!

Stan, you were supposed to give up yelling for New Year's.

But I love yelling!

It feels good and it's good for you.

That's why Sam Kinison lived so long.

I swear to God, you two.

Uh, Mom? Weren't you supposed to give up smoking?

Yeah, well, you were supposed to give up junk food.

Ah, it's okay, Mrs. S.

And you were supposed to give up hugs!

Is it such a flaw that I want to hug everyone I see?

If you're not a Special Olympian, then yes.

This family sucks.

We never do anything we say we're gonna do.

Just look at the popsicle stick White House

we started six years ago.

Mmm, popsicles.

Hey, let's all quit our jobs and buy an ice cream truck.

Just drive around, making kids happy.

That's a great idea! We are totally doing this!

I'm a kid! I'll Google it tomorrow.

See what a truck would cost.

Or maybe the next day. Tomorrow's kind of busy.

Gosh, it sounds really complicated.

You know what? We tried. Let's just forget it. Yeah, I don't really care.

I don't know what we were thinking.

Yeah, good idea, not a good idea.

Mardi Gras, bitches!

I'm having a party at my bar.

I got beads aplenty, so I want to see all your tatas!

Except you, Hayley. You have the worst boobs.

They're like 90% nips.

Like two dark castles with tiny little moats.

Mardi Gras.

That means Lent starts tomorrow!

This is our chance to give up our vices again!

What the hell is Lent?

Lent is the period between Mardi Gras and Easter.

It's a time of prayer and introspection.

People give up things for the 40 days of Lent

to get closer to God or remember Jesus' sacrifice.

I don't appreciate you tainting my booby holiday with God stuff.

Come on, guys. What do you say?

Let's give it another try for Lent.

No yelling.

No crying.

No junk food.

No hugs.

And I'll quit smoking.

And we'll really follow through this time.

I don't know. Too hard.

Not into it. I do what she says.

Okay, fine.

If you do this, I'll let everyone

get pee-in-their-pants drunk at Roger's Mardi Gras.

Yeah!

Let's get in line so we're the first ones there!

Deputy Director Bullock? What are you doing here?

Are you kidding me?

I hear this is the best party of the year.

What the hell, Avery? You didn't save my place?

I've been waiting with you for, like, three days.

When you went off to get your Frito Pie, I had time to think.

And my thought was I hate you.

Treme!

Etouffée!

Beignet!

You're gay!

Hooray! Hooray!

Last chance to get our vices out.

Oh, I'm gonna miss crying so much.

Am I drunk? What's in this cake?

Rum! It's also in this needle.

Another shot! The Prince of Mardi Gras demands it!

I'm yelling!

So do you and Greg plan to give up butt play for Lent?

Um, we don't consider that a vice.

It's an act of love.

Ah, well, there's the difference then.

I'm giving it up for sure.

Oo-ho!

I fell in love last night, Klaus.

Tell me everything... No! Tell me the highlights.

It was magical.

She had breasts like I've never seen before.

We danced all night, but when midnight came,

she ran off before I could get her name.

You were smashed, man.

You kept high-fiving that black guy.

He was not into it.

Klaus, this pastie... It's hers...

She was wearing it!

The most perfect bosom I've ever seen

wore this pastie last night!

I have to find the booby that fits this pastie

so I can spend the rest of my life

happily ever after with its owner.

Ooh, maybe she'll have a friend.

Yeah, and I'm sure she'll want to get with a fish.

Look, you got to start being more realistic, okay?

Now grab your heralding trumpet

and meet me in the pumpkin carriage.

I don't feel that hung over.

Guess I can handle my alcohol better than you guys.

Oh, yeah?

Pubic hair and mayonnaise ice cream.

Hey! That guy... that guy's gonna get a piece of my mind.

He's got glasses.

I'm gonna call him a nerd. Gonna start with that...

Stan. Remember, you're giving up yelling for Lent.

Look, we're doing this

and we're all gonna stick with it this time, right, guys?

Bleah!

Whoa, look at that?

Whoa...

American Dad cares.

Francine, maybe we'll all just give up

making you happy for Lent.

Would that make you happy?

Smiths! Good Lent to you!

How are the sacrifices going?

Yeah, it turns out we're gonna blow that off.

Hmm. I'm afraid that wouldn't be in your best interest.

You made a deal with me last night

to make sure I help you follow through.

Like you give a rat's ass what anyone does.

You've stolen babies and sold them

to underground dinner clubs.

How dare you That was pillow talk!

Oh, I'll admit it: I'm a degenerate.

I love drugs and drinking and gambling,

and my moral compass always points south...

Yeah...!

But during Lent I repent

and that makes up for the rest of the year.

This year my Lenten promise

is making sure you keep your Lenten promises.

You all agreed. You signed a contract.

What contract?

Ah, yes, you were quite drunk.

I was afraid you may not remember,

so I documented everything.

While this loads, did you guys ever think of this?

Sylvester Stallone's name is Sylvester.

ALL (chanting): Habet Bullock cultro.

Si non sequitur meo per votum...

My man! Up top! My dog! ...ego Lenten anathema seseque digitum.

That contract you signed says

I get to cut off a finger of the first person who cracks.

You're full of it.

You're not really going to cut off anyone's finger.

Ew, gross!

Yes. I started collecting when I was in Vietnam.

Two summers ago.

I was on a sex tour. Did not get laid.

Had zero game.

Just kept...

cutting off fingers.

You want to cut off our fingers?!

One finger.

The finger of the first person

who doesn't keep their Lenten promise.

I hope it's the boy. Why?!

I envy your youth!

Hey, hey, come on. This a good thing.

This is our chance to finally follow through on something.

And now there are real consequences

if someone slips up.

I've installed cameras all over your house

to track your every move.

And not to worry, Francine.

There are no minicameras in your tampons, so...

all good to go there.