Garfunkel and Oates: Trying to be Special

The show felt pretty good.

Yeah. I think I nailed that dance.

Yeah.

What do you want for dinner?

What are our options?

Vending machine dinner or no dinner.

Um...

I'm too tired to decide.

What city are we in, again?

Uh, I don't know. I always forget to look.

Hmm.

-Hey, Kate? -Hmm?

Do you think maybe it's time to do something different?

I mean, look at our lives.

We are 36 years old,

we have no husbands, no kids, no real jobs.

-Our lives are amazing. -I know!

The only thing that would make our lives better

is if we had our own comedy special.

Yeah.

But comedy specials are expensive.

How are we gonna afford it?

-Guess we have to find a way to raise the money. -Yeah.

We could have a bikini plane wash

or a bikini train wash

or a bake sale.

We don't know how to do any of those things.

Yeah.

Oh, I know.

We could put on a show!

A fundraiser concert!

Yeah, yeah, we can have one of those giant thermometers, you know.

And then, the more money we make,

the higher the temperature gets.

Oh, I can totally picture it.

Hi. This is very exciting.

I can't believe this is actually happening!

We have a sold-out show and a big thermometer!

-I know. -I've seen bigger.

Tonight is gonna be amazing.

Can you guys keep it down?

I'm trying to watch sports in your green room.

-Our bad. -Yeah, sorry.

So what are you girls doing tonight, songs?

Still doing that?

Yep. Songs.

That's cool.

Oh.

Shouldn't you go out there?

Oh, I don't go until they start chanting my name.

But you're our opener.

(CHANTING) Anthony! Anthony!

Sounds like they're ready for me.

-(CHANTING CONTINUES) -Good luck.

Have a good set.

Welcome to the musical comedy of Garfunkel and Oates

or as I like to call it, "Music."

Are you guys big fans of Garfunkel and Oates

or just the same song 100 times?

Why did I eat so many hot dogs?

Get out, get out.

Oh, this is bad. The thermometer hasn't moved at all.

You can't handle comedy.

I am comedy, you can't handle it.

Pieces of shit. I mean, come on!

You know what I like about Garfunkel and Oates?

Nothing.

Ladies and gentlemen, there are some performers

who come along once in a lifetime

and change the way you think about comedy.

And then, there are people who have to use guitars.

-(LAUGHTER) -Here's the latter.

Please welcome Garfunkel and Oates.

Uh! Another flawless victory.

That is a great crowd.

You guys are gonna have a lot of fun.

Really? 'Cause it seemed like they hated you.

I'm an artist.

You ready?

Yeah.

Fuck them! Fuck those stupid motherfuckers!

Who gives a fuck what they think?

They can go fuck themselves in their stupid audience faces.

So fuck them! Fuck them forever!

(EXHALE) Radiate sunshine.

Hugs. Get weird. Spit in the mouth of the wolf.

-(BOTH SPIT) -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Hey.

Hey, guys!

Thank you for coming!

-Oh, my gosh! (CHUCKLES) -Hey, everybody!

-Thank you to The Neptune for hosting our fundraiser. -Mmm-hmm. Yes.

Because we're pretty sure that...

Well, we're hopeful that someday we'll be able to have a special.

-Yeah. -(SCATTERED WHOOPING)

And if you guys donate tonight,

the thermometer will go up and up and up.

And if we reach 100%,

we'll get to make an hour-long comedy special.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -(CHUCKLES) Yeah!

So is anyone in the audience pregnant?

You are?

What's your name?

-Jenna. Jenna?

-Yeah. -Well, Jenna, this song is for you.

So, do you want a boy or girl?

Oh, doesn't matter as long as it's healthy.

Really? 'Cause I don't feel those two things are related at all.

-You never have to... -No, no, as long as it's healthy.

So, is it a boy or girl?

Oh, we know, but we're not telling.

What you're gonna name it?

-Oh, we know, but we're not telling. -Who's the father?

Oh, we know, but we're not telling.

Yeah, I've a lot going on. I got my degree, I moved, I wrote a novel.

Gosh, you know, everything seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant.

I also built that nuclear fusion reactor.

You know, I can't even really remember

what I did before I was pregnant.

Everything just seems so meaningless. Ha-ha-ha!

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Thank you.

Oh, my gosh! You guys, look, It's already going up.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Thank you!

We had a woman in the front row once,

and she was like, "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant."

And she was holding hands with this guy.

And I was like, "Oh, are you the father?"

And he was just like...

Yeah, Kate was trying to be positive, she goes,

"Are you in the running?" He's like...

-What a supportive dude, you know? -Yeah.

-Kate and I were both like, "My kind of guy." -(LAUGHTER)

So this next song is about when you run into someone,

and they know who you are, but you don't know who they are.

And they call you on it.

'Cause everyone's a bad actor.

You're like...

And they are like, "You don't remember me, do you?"

You're like, "No."

And then they get mad, and you're like, "I don't like this feeling."

-(LAUGHTER) -Like, it's about that.

So we have a theory as to why that happens.