Satan's Little Helper

10 points. 50 points.

Bonus points. 100 points.

Mom, he's ripping his guts out.

Oh, guardian angel. Crap.

Oh, no, God's getting us.

Mom, there's a blind man. Oh, nice.

Yes. Cool.

50 points.

10 points.

50 points.

I'm getting so good at being helper...

Dougie, shh, I'm on the phone.

Can I play online, if all my homework's done?

Yeah, Betty.

No, I'm in the car.

I'm going to pick up Jenna at the ferry.

She came home to spend Halloween with her brother.

Is that true love or what?

Jenna's my girlfriend. I'm gonna marry her.

- He says he's gonna marry her. - Yeah!

I don't think they got up to the word "incest"

in the third grade yet.

- You said "sex." - I said "incest."

And don't be so snoopy. Play your game.

She always takes Dougie out on Halloween.

She doesn't want to break the tradition.

I know.

When Jenna takes me, we're gonna find Satan,

and I'm gonna show him what a good helper I am.

There really is a Satan, right?

That's why I was calling you. I do have a costume.

I'm putting together this Carmen Miranda

and Chiquita Banana type thing.

It came to me in a dream.

Actually, I was stoned.

Huh!

- So is there? - What? Is there what there?

A Satan in real life?

Um, hey, Betty, can you hold on a sec?

Well...

ah, for man,

Satan represents evil.

And evil does occur here and everywhere in the whole world.

And so, in that sense, Satan does exist,

except that he doesn't look like anything.

He...

He doesn't go running around with horns and a tail.

Unless, of course, he's wearing a costume

like this little helper does.

Yes!

Hey, Betty, I see the ferry.

Jenna!

Jenna!

Jenna!

Jenna!

Dougie!

- Ahh, Dougie! - Jenna!

- - Oh, I missed you so much.

Okay, we're gonna find Satan when we go trick-or-treating.

We are? Let's see the costume.

Oh, Satan's Little Helper. That's so cool.

- Mom made it. - She did?

Well, then we better find Satan.

And I can do karate.

Oh, I'd better watch out.

Oh, Mom.

- Where's Dad? - Oh, he's at work.

On a Saturday?

Well, it's either that or he's having an affair.

Mom.

Show me your hands. Come on, show me.

- Oh, you're biting them again. - Don't embarrass me.

Mom, Dougie, this is Alex.

- Hi. Hello.

Dougie, I've heard so much about you.

We met up at school, then we discovered

we're both from Bell Island and both theater majors too.

- Kind of a Kismet thing. - I'll say.

And since I was coming home for Halloween

and it's Alex's favorite holiday too,

I figure we can all go trick-or-treating together.

- No! - Dougie.

He gets kind of possessive.

He's had his heart set on marrying her.

Now, you're a competition.

Listen, I don't have to go trick-or-treating with you guys

if it's gonna ruin your plans with your brother.

No, no, he just needs to get used to you. I'm sure he'll be fine.

So, how is it that you guys never met before, I mean,

at least in high school?

Uh, I didn't go to Bell Island High.

So what? You went to boarding school?

- Boarding schools suck. - Dougie.

Believe me, boarding school was not my first choice.

His dad forced him.

Forced him? That's not very nice.

By the way, am I taking you home?

Actually, he's coming to our house. He might stay over. We're not sure.

What? Oh.

Dougie, where are you going?

To find Satan.

And without you.

Wait!

What's with all this Satan stuff all of a sudden?

Oh, your Dad got him this new video game called

Satan's Little Helper.

He's got it on this, on his computer.

- - Whoa, ha-ha-ha-ha.

- Mom. - What?

The door?

Take this, please.

Alex, our house. House, meet Alex.

Nice. Very homey.

You don't have to do that.

Oh, I can't help it.

When my dad divorced my mom,

he took one of his girlfriends with him to Japan.

Brought back the whole "no shoes in the house" policy.

Beat it into my head ever since.

Can't wait to see what you've got for costumes this year.

Actually, we don't have anything.

We've been totally racking our brains but can't come up with a thing.

Theater majors, shame on you.

I know. It's totally weird.

Would you like to wear what I made for myself last Halloween?

A Renaissance slut?

I still don't know what you were thinking.

Alex, help me here, will you? She is an actress, isn't she?

Last I heard.

Mother, that is so not me.

Come on, I still have it all in the attic. You get undressed.

I'll go look for it. Alex, make yourself at home.

Hmm...

And as soon as we're finished, I'll see if I can help you out.

If you get bored, play with this.

- No, Mom. - Come back here, you.

Come up the stairs.

What the heck are you supposed to be, Whooly?

Satan's Little Helper.

That is so gay.

Just wait till I find Satan and he sends you all to hell.

- Let's see how you laugh then. - Yeah, right.

Duh.

Ah, that is great.

That looks so real.

Haa. Ohh.

Oh, my God, they're like melons.

Yep, you are a lusty wench.

I can't let Alex see me like this. We just met.

I mean, you know, started dating.

Actually, it's our first official date,

and I can't believe my own mother's trying to turn me into a whore.

What is this about Alex not wanting to go home?

He doesn't get along with his Dad.

He didn't even tell him he was coming.

- Why? - Same old.

He doesn't want him acting.

Wants him to take over his toupee business.

His toupee business. His toupee—

You look at... look at yourself now.

Want some cider?

Isn't that a bit too much makeup, my lady?

Nah, the more, the better.

Not that the blokes be looking at me face

when they got these tender morsels in their hands.

Trick or treat!

Ahh!

Well, what do you think?

Wow!

- You look stunning. - Really?

I can't believe your mom wore that for Halloween.

I know.

Well, what you gonna be for All Hallows Eve, eh?

You know, I was just thinking.

Your brother's so into this game, maybe I'll dress as Satan

for him for Halloween.

Oh, that's a great idea.

I figured, I've lived with Satan all my life.

It should be easy to draw from him to get the character down.

- Hey, Alex. Cider? - Sure.

Mom, Alex got his inspiration. He's going to be Satan.

Oh, that's nice.

I bet this will make Dougie really happy.

I'm sure he'll start warming up to you.

I hope so.

Ah!

Hmm...

Oh, there! How the hell does he do that?

Crap, that is so cool.

Awesome.