Warehouse 13

Previously on Warehouse 13...

Quickly, we don't have much time.

Besides that, the De-bronze functions activated twice.

Who's our mystery guest?

Where were you exactly?

I was at the Warehouse.

You don't remember.

You've been having lapses.

How do you know that?

The pearl of wisdom.

MacPherson must have planted it in your inner ear weeks ago.

If a person uses it properly, they can control

your thoughts and movements.

Shipped in from D.C. what about my stuff?

Sorry, slick.

If you don't mind, I'm watching a movie,

and I don't have Tivo.

No way. Does this mean I'm an Agent now?

No, it means I can reach you any time of day or night.

Okay. Not as good.

These are the reason. Hello, Irene.

Mr. Valda, nice to see you again.

If MacPherson is out there--

he's out there, and he's planning something far worse

than any of you can imagine.

I know what the plan is. I'll tell you everything.

James?

James!

I'm sorry, Arthur.

Mrs. Frederic, you told me to let you know

if I--I experienced anything strange.

Secret Service. Find General Williams.

Tell him Buck Mendell from Warehouse 13 is here.

I have full authority

to shut down the Farnsworth demonstration now.

Thank you for coming.

Why are these out?

Claudia pulled them to learn more about her new toy.

She just wanted to spruce up her her far--

Right.

Um, I'll lock them back up as soon as you leave.

You were vague on the phone.

Tell me what you're feeling.

Edgy. Unfocused.

And the headaches?

It's all right.

Mr. Valda knows you've been through an ordeal.

Why am I having these headaches?

When MacPherson was part of your consciousness,

he may have left something behind.

An echo.

This is Taka.

She's here to help us find out.

I mean, I have, like, over 5,000 cds.

You don't have 5,000 cds. I do!

Good morning.

Here--ooh, I'm sorry. Can I help you there?

There you go. No, no, no.

You're welcome. That's-- have a nice day.

Yep, they still hate us. Why?

Maybe it's your cologne.

Well, I'm not wearing any.

Oh.

That's so funny. You're hilarious.

Look, making connections with strangers is never easy.

Just relax. It'll happen.

Hit the brakes, slick. The Post Office is closed.

Closed? Yes.

It's 10:00 in the morning. Government cutbacks.

Everything was sold off or shipped out.

Wait, wait, wait. What about my stuff?

I was supposed to come pick up my stuff this morning.

Try the branch in Featherhead.

Well, Featherhead is 90 miles away.

Take a bus. Read a book.

Now wait--wait-- wait a minute, lady.

Look, I'm in forced retirement.

Going to make popcorn and watch movies on cable,

'cause that's all I can afford to do

on my government pension.

What's left of it, anyways.

Thanks.

What? "Thanks"? Thanks for what?

Why do you people all hate us?

Okay. Relax, okay?

Just call the branch in Featherhead.

Okay, Farnsworth, let's pimp you out.

Claudia, where are the schematics

to the bronze section?

Got Farnsworth gak?

What the hell are you doing? You gave it to me.

You're tampering with perfection.

Those are Warehouse issue.

These things need color,

GPS, texting, and email is what they need.

Need? They don't need!

They have their own secure frequency spectrum.

They can't be cracked, hacked, tapped or--

well, can I at least give it a better ringtone?

Oh, just give it a better ringtone?

Yeah. No!

You know what you can give it? You can give it back.

No, no, no, no, no.

Well then, button it up and learn to live with it.

Fine. Living with it.

You see what happens?

Yeah, so if you could call me back,

I would appreciate it.

Thank you.

Featherhead voicemail?

One for Post Office, two for hunting licenses,

three for county maintenance.

So I guess they'll either find my stuff

or pump my septic tank.

Oh, great. Now this thing's on the fritz.

Okay, let's go for a drive, shall we?

Yeah.

I hear the middle of nowhere

is beautiful this time of year.

Ow!

Come on, men.

Let's kill what needs killin' and go home.

Hang on.

We're not gonna die today, you understand me?

Other guys are gonna die. A lot of 'em Tojo's boys.

But not us. Not if I can help it.

Follow me, boys.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

There's something wrong in town.

Why does Artie want us to meet him here?

I don't know.

You know, it was a terrible connection,

and all I heard was "barber shop" and "emergency."

Maybe his eyebrows are finally eating his face.

Uhh! How on earth did you get a driver's license?

Can you drive a stick shift? No.

Then take a lesson.

Oh, you're a menace!

Well, in a good way.

Artie, my Farnsworth is making weird noises.

You see what you did?

What? You busted my Farnsworth?

No! Now, who is a menace?

I only messed with mine.

Well, that's the bad news.

What? What was that? That is an alarm system.

If there's an artifact in town,

then that would turn purple, and it turned purple.

This town has artifacts? Not normally, no.

But over the centuries, towns that host Warehouses

have been given, well,

certain kinds of protection, just in case.

And given recent events,

an artifact may have been placed here

to distract us from more, well, pressing pursuits.

MacPherson. H.G. Wells.

Part of the plan? Maybe. We'll see.

First of all, let's get the artifact.

I want you to question the townies, find out

if anything particularly unusual has happened,

then snag, bag, and tag.

So you want us to go door to door?

We have a standard cover in Univille.

They think we're IRS agents?

And they think the Warehouse is an IRS storage facility

that contains every U.S. tax return ever filed.

No wonder they hate us. We're tax collectors.

I hate us.

Oh, you even have their tax returns.

Sure. Like that's a big stretch.

Okay, so while we're dodging tomatoes,

what are you gonna do?

S.I.S. Salinger inventory scan.

If an artifact is AWOL, the S.I.S. will I.D. It.

Salinger, like the author?

RTFM, dude.

"RTFM"?

Oh, read the f...manual. I like that.

Mr. Valda, I don't think employing the pearl of wisdom

is our wisest move.

You know better than I

the consequences that can come from using artifacts.

Speed is of the essence.

You're looking for trouble.

I'm looking for clarity.

Irene, if something is buried deep

inside Leena's subconscious,

if MacPherson has left a residue

that could help us understand what we're facing,

then we must dig it out.

And we risk a woman's life. To save many.

Mrs. Frederic, it's all right.

After all that's happened, I want to do this.

Leena. Thank you.

And if something should go wrong?

Taka will make it right.

Marines. You saw Marines?

Yes, but like from World War II.

Probably some guys playing dress-up

like civil war nuts.