Friends

Do you realize we're getting married in four weeks?

Four weeks, baby. Four weeks!

Do you realize you get louder each week?

There's still so much to do! Have you written your vows yet?

I figured I'd just buy those. "Pat, I'd like to buy a vow."

You know I've no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.

- Right. Have you written yours yet? - No, but I know what I'm gonna say.

Do you happen to know exactly what I'm gonna say?

Let's do it now. It won't be hard.

Say what's in your heart.

Look at her go. She must love me more than I love her!

What's wrong with me? Don't open that door.

The One With The Vows

"Monica, there are no words..."

There are no words! This shouldn't be this hard!

You've done this before. What did you say in your vows?

With Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die.

She made no such promise.

I'm so pathetic. Monica knows what to say. You should have seen her writing.

What's the emergency?

You have to help me. I'm supposed to write my vows and all I have is this.

I like the pretty drawing of you in the wedding dress.

Except your breasts look kind of small.

Those are my eyes!

- Those are my breasts. - Oh, yeah, okay.

Why don't you just start with something simple, like:

"Monica, from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you."

I'm not sure I can do that.

Everyone, this is Chandler.

Hi, I'm Ross' little sister.

Okay.

Okay, okay. Maybe you could start with:

"Chandler, even though we were friends...

...there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."

All right, there's a nuclear holocaust. I'm the last man on earth.

Would you go out with me?

Are we allowed to lie in the vows?

Maybe you don't talk about your feelings back then.

Just say something about all the things that he's taught you, like...

Or all the things you taught him.

Everybody knows the basic erogenous zones.

You got one, two, three...

...four, five...

...six and seven.

There are seven?

- That's one? - Kind of an important one.

I was looking at it upside down.

Well, you know, sometimes that helps.

Okay, now, start out with a little one...

...a two, a one-two-three...

...a three, a five...

...a four, a three-two...

...two, a two-four-six.

Two-four-six, four, two...

...two, four-seven...

...five-seven, six-seven...

...seven, seven...

...seven, seven, seven, seven, seven...

...seven!

I got it! How about saying something like:

"Monica, when I look back over our time together..."

- Yeah? - I can't do everything.

Look back over your time together.

Oh, look, twins!

No fair! I don't even have one, how come they get two?

- You'll get one. - Yeah, when?

I'll tell you what.

When we're 40, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I have one?

Why wouldn't I be married when I'm 40?

Oh, no. No, I just meant hypothetically.

Hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?

No, no.

What is it? Seriously, is there something fundamentally un-marriable about me?

Well?

Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!

I'm getting married today!

Do you think he knew I was here?

Nice try.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Look, Monica...

- This is not gonna work. - I bet this will work.

You are so great! I love you.

What?

Nothing! I said, you're so great, and then I just stopped talking.

- You said you love me! I can't believe this. - No, I didn't.

- Yes, you did. - No, I didn't!

- You love me! - No, I don't!

Stop it! Stop it!

You know, I was thinking, what if I unpack here?

Then all your stuff would be here.

Well...

What if all my stuff was here?

Then you'd be going back and forth all the time.

Doesn't make any sense.

Okay.

What if we live together, and you understand what I'm saying?

You wanted it to be a surprise.

Oh, my God!

Chandler...

...in all my life...

...I never thought I would be so lucky...

...as to fall in love with my best...

My best...

- There's a reason why girls don't do this! - Okay, okay, okay! I'll do it.

I thought...

I can do this.

I thought...

...that it mattered what I said or where I said it.

Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you...

You make me happier than I ever thought I could be.

And if you let me...

...I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.

Monica?

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!

Come in! Come in!

- We're engaged! - Yes!

- Hi. - What have you guys been up to?

We were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out...

...because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.

How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass" inappropriate?

How's Monica doing?

Let's say it's lucky she's got a sweet ass because she's not so good at the writing.

I can't believe in four weeks they're gonna be married!

Let's just hope it works.

Nine out of 10 marriages end in divorce.

Phoebe, that's not true.

Yeah, you're right. How's the missus?

I can't believe they've been together 3 years.

That long?

Maybe it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long.

Hey, it's me. Coming in.

I've had a very long, hard day.

- I'm gonna get some chicken. Want some? - No, thanks. No, chicken. Bye, then.

Are you okay? I'm sorry. He wouldn't leave. He kept asking if I wanted chicken.

Chicken?

I could eat some chicken.

Hey, Joe!

Can I get a three-piece, some coleslaw and some beans and a Coke?

Diet Coke.

- I don't know why they didn't just tell us. - It's not like we weren't cool about it.