The Middle

Frankie: Thanksgiving--

the early settlers discovering America,

the pilgrims and Indians coming together,

a celebration of the American spirit.

Or it used to be.

Now it's just a pit stop on the racetrack to Christmas.

There she is.

Ready for some midnight madness?

So ready.

Not to give anything away,

but since I have a job now and some potato money to burn,

some people are gonna be getting

some pretty great presents this year.

- Hmm. Axl: - Let me help you with that, mom.

- Mm. Mike: - You really want to go shopping

the night before Thanksgiving?

No choice, Mike.

The Pioneer Galaxy Mall

has moved Black Friday up to Wednesday.

Tonight, everything is 60% off.

We wait till Friday, it's only 30% off.

I keep talking to you, it's gonna cost me another 10%.

I can reach that for you, mom.

Oh, thanks.

Besides, Thanksgiving's not a big deal this year.

I got it covered.

Your dad and Rusty are not gonna be here.

Aunt Edie's in Branson. There's no Marines to offend.

It's just the five of us and my parents.

Oh, by the way, you got to go pick up my parents.

What?

My mom's got that foot thing again,

and my dad has decided he's no longer fit to drive.

Well, he isn't.

Well, I know, but give it a shot.

She'll steer. He'll step on the gas.

Let's be creative about this.

They're only going 10 miles an hour, anyway.

- Mike. - What?

He can't just decide this.

He's supposed to have a couple wrecks.

You know, back into a supermarket,

and then we have a family meeting, and we take his keys.

That's how it's done.

I'll pick him up.

Really?

Sure, yeah. No prob.

Oh. Okay.

Brick: Uh, I see stuffing.

I see potatoes.

I don't see any lime jello salad.

You said you were gonna make me lime jello salad.

When did I say that?

Mom, will you make me a lime jello salad?

I'm busy, Brick. I'll make it some other time.

- When? - Talk to me in 10 years.

Well, it's been 10 years.

Seriously, Brick? Are you kidding me?

You've been waiting for lime jello salad for 10 years?

Then you see the unfairness of the situation.

Ugh. Fine. I'll make it tomorrow.

Okay, Sue,

let's grab your can of potato money and hit it!

Yeah!

Oh, shoot. I forgot to walk Colin Firth.

I'll do it.

Got to go take the garbage out anyway, so...

- Okay. - Yeah.

"Let me help you with that, mom.

Let me reach that for you, mom"?

What are you up to, Axl? What's your game?

Okay, look-- I haven't exactly told them

I had to drop three classes yet, so...

- Oh, Axl, Axl, Axl. - What?

You can't just come out and tell them something like this.

You got to lay the groundwork.

Otherwise, they'll wig out and try to parent you,

so here's what's gonna happen.

I drive up to grandma and grandpa's house.

Then on the drive home, I get them on my side.

Old people have more perspective.

They don't get all worked up about stuff like this.

So I tell them. They tell mom and dad.

And if mom flips out, they remind her of some story

of how she screwed up when she was my age

and she turned out okay.

Mom and dad will soften,

grandma will kiss me on the top of my head, and boom.

Done.

- You seem pretty confident. - Mm.

I was confident 10 years ago

mom would make me a lime jello salad.

All I'm saying.

Yeah.

So, let me get this straight.

You can check your blood at home and then just call it in

and get all the information online?

Yeah, I can see-- I can see if my blood's too thick,

my blood's too thin, the size of my blood particles...

- Wow. - ...make sure they're fluffy.

- Yeah. - You want your blood particles fluffy.

He doesn't want to hear about your blood particles.

No, I find it fascinating.

I also love this article you clipped out of the paper for me

about dorm organization, grandma.

So many helpful hints.

Oh. Organization is so important.

I've been packing for our cruise,

and they only let us have four bags.

For God's sakes,

he doesn't want to hear about our stupid cruise!

Oh, and he was so riveted by your fluffy-particle story,

his eyes practically rolled right up in his head.

Oh, no. No.

I find all the things both of you say

very interesting.

So, uh...

Something going on with me.

Crazy story.

I was failing three of my four courses,

and I had to drop them, so now I only have one.

Now, I'm sure you guys have the life perspective

to understand that, in the scheme of things,

it's not really a big deal,

and you probably have a similar story

about something my mom did when she was my age.

You dumb son of a bitch.

Oh, my God. Axl, this is a disaster.

- What were you thinking? - He wasn't thinking.

That's why he's down to one class.

In retrospect,

Axl wished he hadn't told them in the first five minutes

of what turned into the longest three-hour car ride

of his life.

I mean, I can't believe it.

Hit him again.

Hey. How did it go?

Good. So good.

We got really great stuff. Didn't we, Sue?

Yep.

Uh, really great.

It'll be a good Christmas

and so on and so forth and what have you.

I have to go put this stuff away now.

What's up with her?

Oh, who knows? She's 16. Could be anything.

Boys, hormones, Justin Bieber did something.

So, what have you been up to?

Happy Thanksgiving!

- Hi! - Happy Thanksgiving!

- Oh! - Mwah!

- Mwah. - Nice to see you.

- - Well?

Get this. They said I have to tell them myself.

Turns out you can't count on grandparents for anything.

Sure, when you need fudge, they're all over it.

But you ever need something real from them, forget it.

But they did bring fudge, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Pat: Ohh.

There's my Suzy Q.

Oh! I brought something for you.

Now, I know that you like "Hunger Games,"

so here's an article about how it's being shown in Japan.

Oh, now this is about the dangers of sexting.

It's not good, Sue.

Thanks, grandma!

I'm sure I'll really enjoy reading these.

- Are you okay, honey? - She's fine. Right, Sue? Aren't you fine?

Yep! Yep. Super fine.

I'm gonna go to my room now for normal reasons.

What's up with her?

What happened to my sunshiny girl?

Oh, it's nothing. She's just tired.

She gets weird when she's tired.

Oh, you can't brush this stuff off, Frankie.

A change in mood is the number-one warning sign

for everything.

Parade had a story just the other day.

Here, let me find it.

Skymall.

Listen, Mike.

I want to tell you something on the QT.

You know that cruise Pat and I are going on at Christmas?

- Mm-hmm. - Not happening.

I gambled all the cruise money away playing online poker.

I lost it all, Mike. She's gonna kill me.

Ohh. You got to be kidding me.

For the first few months,

I didn't even realize I was playing with real money.

And by that time, I was 8 grand in.

And every time I thought about quitting,

this cyber girl comes up with a big rack

wanting me to buy more chips.

You know, this is the kind of thing

you might want to share with a blood relative.

It's bad, Mike. It's bad.

I'm afraid Pat's gonna cut me off in the bedroom.

Oh, geez. I don't want to know this, Tag.

It's too late. You're in it now.