The Unicorn

- Hey, Wade. - Hey.

Uh... what's up?

Place where I rent my backhoes says I owe them,

but for some reason I-I can't find the invoice.

Oh, I can think of one possible reason.

- This is a huge disorganized nightmare. - Oh, yeah.

You're right. Jill used to handle my paperwork for me.

But I have a system, and the system works, okay?

Is this a box of rocks you got here?

No, those are rock samples.

Will you please put them back in the rock department?

- Okay. - Do you want us to help?

Yes, that would be great.

It's a-a pink invoice from Cramber Equipment Rental.

- What's it look like? - It's paper. It's pink.

It's a rectangle.

Do you want our help or not?

Oh. Sick burn.

I'm-I'm sorry. Look, Nat, I'm a little stressed.

I just landed this big project,

and I've got to get all my ducks in a row.

You guys remember Denny and Jeannette?

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah. We love Denny and Jeannette.

Yeah, well, he left her.

Good.

- Phew. - Oh, my gosh.

- He sucks. - What a dud.

- Boo. - Yeah, well,

he also just hired me to do his new house.

- Oh. - Hey, look at you.

- Oh, he's gonna be fun. - How about you, Forrest?

How's your job search going?

Oh, great. Great.

Yeah, there's just so many different kinds

of opportunities out there, you know?

I sent out three résumés this morning.

- Oh, wow. Hey, good for you. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. He's getting really into it.

Did you, uh, follow up with any of them?

No. Just sent 'em out this morning, so...

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. No, it's just, it's just good to be proactive.

True. For sure. But trust me when I say

you just don't want to come off as too aggressive.

Well, I'm sure you're right.

- I am. - Okay.

Are you sure?

Yes. Sure am.

Oh, wow, there's a spider in there!

- Where? - Spider! Spider!

- Oh... - Hey, buddy.

- Let's get you outside. - Yeah.

Oh, hey. Hey, look at that.

He's sitting on top of the pink invoice.

Good for you. Get it out of here.

Yeah.

No, no, no!

Jeannette and I had a great run,

but I'm kind of ready to get back in the jungle.

Back to my primal instincts.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Uh, so is that a, uh...

is that a yes or a no on the juniper?

You're the expert.

See, I got that new Porsche right there.

Damnedest thing. Everywhere I go,

it leaves a trail of panties behind.

Yeah, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna yes.

That's a yes on the juniper.

Yeah, okay, now over here,

I, um, I definitely want to take out the fountain.

- Mm-hmm. - And I'm thinking about a-a baby red maple.

Now, trust me,

it's gonna look so beautiful in the fall.

Right on.

So, you've been single for what, about a year now?

- Yeah. - Where have you been going to meet chicks?

I-I-I don't... I don't know, Denny.

I guess I met some really nice women

at the PTA meeting last night.

Hot mamas, huh?

I'm guessing, to crack that posse, you have to have kids.

Why didn't Jeannette and I have kids?

Well, I don't know that that's a-a great reason to have kids.

But-but, hey, you know what,

let's, uh, let's talk about fruit trees.

- Let's... - Hey, I got an idea.

Is it in any way related to the landscaping?

Come on, of course.

I suggest we meet at a bar

and discuss plants and crap over drinks,

and you can give me tips on dialoguing the hardbodies.

Uh, look, Denny, I don't really dialogue anyone,

let alone the hardbodies.

And I, uh, I have to meet

a couple of clients later on today.

Great. To be continued Friday at the clizzub.

- That means club. - I know what it means.

I just can't believe you said it.

Hey. What's up, Meg?

- Thanks for watching the kids. - No problem.

Dad, did you know that if you go to prison,

you get to go to the gym for free?

What have you got my kids watching?

A documentary on the justice system.

This is Passion on Parole.

Well, I put the closed captions on,

so at least they're reading.

Okay, catch me up.

Okay, so this lady cheated on her husband,

and then her husband went to jail.

And then she was like, "I'm gonna murder this lady..."

- No. - Come on.

Oh...

Okay, so how was the game?

- We won by two, and I almost made... - Uh-huh.

Really? Oh, you got to stop.

That's enough sports talk for me.

I don't like sports. It's bad.

I could, but you know

- it's gonna take a very long time. - Hi.

Pizza! Pizza!

Yay!

Look, the check is in the mail.

No, I know that the check is not in your hand, Jack,

because it's in the mail.

Okay? Okay. All right, bye-bye.

Oh, man, I got to put that check in the mail.

I just got to find it.

Hey, Wade, if you need help, you know,

Meg is a bookkeeper.

- What are you doing? - What do you need help with?

I don't know that I need anything, necessarily.

Sure you do.

And she'll hook you up with the friends and family discount.

- Right, Meg? - Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Oh, okay, yeah, Meg, I could... I could use your help.

- Mm. - Wade,

you don't have to use Meg

just because Ben asked you in front of her.

I feel like I kind of have to.

Do you see what you did?

I thought you'd be happy. She's your sister.

She had your kids watching prison shows.

That doesn't make her a bad accountant, baby.

That just makes her a bad babysitter.

And she wouldn't even be here except for

you didn't want to pay Grace.

Don't say that in front of Wade.

I can't believe you. Why don't you try thinking

before you start talking?

I was thinking.

I was thinking that she wanted a job,

and you wanted a free babysitter.

It-It's so much fun coming over here.

- Yeah, it's nice. We're having... - Right? It is.

- Yeah, it's fun. - Yeah.

Hey, how are my books coming?

Sorry I let it get so out of hand.

Got a question.

- Who is Norwood? - Mm.

He's one of my guys.

You have given him seven advances on his salary.

The way you throw cash at this guy, I was like,

what, is he blackmailing you?

Y'all commit crimes together?

- You can tell me, I'm not a narc. - No, no, no, no.

He's a good man.

His elderly parents just moved in with him,

which is why he, uh, misses so much work.

He misses work, so you pay him more?

Well, I mean, not for missing the work.

And this client has owed you $1,200

for eight years?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Mr. Anderson.

He's a great old guy.

He gave Grace his grandmother's old tea set

for Christmas one year.

That tea set worth $1,200?

God, I hope not.

We sold it at our yard sale for a buck-fifty.

Hey, everybody.

I'm... home.

- Hey, you. - Oh... ! Oh, good Lord.

- Hi. - Margarita.

Rocks. No salt.

And just a splash of naranja.

Oh.

This is my favorite drink.

At 5:22.

- Yeah, about that. - It's, uh,

great to have you at home.

Um...

I'm, I'm just gonna...

- I'm just gonna put that there. - Yeah.

- How was your day? - It was good. Good, good.

A little more ringworm than I would like.

Does it smell like, uh... pork tenderloin?

Yes, it does.