The Simpsons

Scientists have determined that the secret to a long life

is to drink lots of coffee...

or no coffee at all.

Now, it's time to kill time with

"This Day in Springfield History."

1906: We become the first flyover state

when the Wright Brothers ignore us

on a voyage from Ohio to Kentucky.

1945: Peace breaks out

and Montgomery Burns fires his female employees.

1961: As the rest of America rockets into the new frontier,

Springfield unveils a fleet of school busses.

These buses are bursting with American technology.

Grooved rubber mats, and an emergency door

that any child could accidentally open

and fall 15 feet to the street.

Lis, wish me luck. I'm going for the lunch-boxing middleweight title.

What does it matter?

You'll never unify the belts.

Okay, champ, remember your game plan:

lead with your Krusty, th jab-jab-jab with my Eeyore.

Work the vest and the head will die.

I'm taking care of this goldfish.

Don't drag me into your lonely song.

She?

Do we always have to have the TV on during dinner?

This is a special night, sweetie.

We've all been waiting for..

HOMER, MARGE, BART: Beast Blaster!

Welcome back to the U.S. Ninja Ultimate Beast Blaster,

where U.S. ninjas fight to become the ultimate beast.

By defeating the ultimate beast,

an obstacle course we call "The Ultimate Monster."

Well, I saw a cool girl from the bus today.

It's weird... I don't know her,

but I feel like we could be friends.

Yeah, you're right, I think Marcus is gonna take it all this year.

Mm-hmm. He's got the best narrative.

He's doing it for his buddies at MacDill Air Force Base.

MacDill!

This is your fifth attempt to slay the monster.

Can you give us the thoughts

that are going through your mind?

Hmm. Isn't the first rule of ninja

to be silent and invisible?

Shh. Watching other people live full lives

is our family activity.

That girl I saw out the bus window was playing the clarinet.

The clarinet.

The saxophone's cool black friend. Yeah...

Oh, my God, what a fail!

HOMER, MARGE, BART: Ooh!

I never gave up, and I taught my kids

to follow their dreams.

Oh, no. Daddy can't hug anymore. No-no-no.

Don't look up. This bus is too depressing.

Backpack attack!

Ugh. It smells like Milhouss back.

Lisa knows what my back smells like.

Hamster volleyball.

You lose. Lisa counts as floor.

That's it. There's gotta be a better place.

Otto. Stop the bus. I wanna get off.

You're the boss.

Can we get some ice cream?

I'm not that crazy. Yogurt.

Oh, my God. I'm in that other girl's neighborhood.

Without the baggage of being Lisa Simpson.

Yo. Sis-boom-blah. Little help?

Go. Go le.

Go love. Multiply.

Look at all these boutiques.

I've never been in a neighborhood

where the parking lots were behind the stores.

This is her house.

Hello? Hello?

Huh? Hmm.

Oh. Ooh.

Whoa.

Hello? It's me, the girl on the bus!

Um, I'm moving past the tasteful craftsman fixtures,

the eco-conscious lighting that turns on when I enter

and turns off when I leave.

And now the jade tree,

which I'm watering just a little.

Oh, no.

Hey. Don't be afraid. I'm Lisa.

I saw you from my school bus..i

At least, I think it was you.

- Why were you crying? - Because I just read

the Pacific garbage patch grew to 600,000 square miles.

So then I put on "The Dolphin"

by Stan Getz to cheer up.

But it was so beautiful I cried even more.

You are just like the friend I've described

to so many wishing wells.

By the way, I play the saxophone.

Here. Take one.

Wait a minute... this is gonna end badly, isn't it?

That's just what I was thinking.

We have so much in common.

So what do you do, Mrs. Monroe?

I'm a marine biologist.

I was in an improv group and asked the audience

for an occupation, and I just fell in love with the work.

I yes-and-ed myself into a career.

More seitan gumbo, Lisa?

The rice is conflict-free.

Yes. It's not to die for.

Oh, your mother keeps a journal of what you say?

She'll wear these pearls forever.

Oh, that's good.

Oh...

Mmm.

- I love you. - I love you.

You do not say "suck" at the dinner table!

But veggie loaf does suck.

It sucks a whole truck full of butts.

You leave trucks out of this.

Just eat your loafs.

How was dinner with your friend, honey?

Suck, suck, suckity, suck, suckity, suck.

- I'd say. It's, uh, a little different, - Suck, suck, suck, suck.

- Not better. Just different. - Suck, suck, suck, suck...

Can I ask a question?

Shh. I wanna see this.

Dina and Lucas have never met each other,

but by the time this roller coaster

goes down this final hill, they'll be married.

So, what do you do for fun?

I'm making a hammock of human hair!

Boy, pass the salt.

Coming right up.

Oh!

You did that on purpose.

Well, I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

Excuse me, I have a question.

Not now!

I like your hair!

Ah, get me out of here.

Oh, this is so good. Mmm. Oh, just the way I like it.

Mmm. Salty. So salty.

Aging rapidly.

Where's Chlie Rose?

Please, one simple question.

What is it?

Why do we have to eat dinner together every night?

Because it's good for the damn family.

Now, Lisa, I know you're a vegetarian.

Do you mind if we eat this in front of you?

Oh, no. No. Not at all.

And the fact that you would even ask how I felt...

I don't need dessert, because you being considerate

is sweet enough.

- Well put. - So well put.

Judging from you, I'm sure your family is just as delightful

and rinfrescante come la brezza del lago di Como.

Yes, my family.

I try not to brag about them.

More coconut water, please.

Such a shame that we'll never, ever meet them.

- How come? - We're going to be moving soon.

My research grant came through.

Sam's father studies the harmful effects

of family relocation on children.

Takes me all over the world.

So I guess you'll never meet my parents.

So we'll only know them through what you say right now.

Right. Now.

Well, my father...

works with his hands; he's a sculptor.

And your mother?

Mother is a chemist.

And I have a sister, too.

She's a professor of non-linguistic communication.

Has a high chair.

Fascinating. Do you have any brothers?

Nope.

My point is,

there are many scientists who have questions

- about global warming. - Well, that's

an interesting perspective, Congressman.

Ooh. You can tell Terry Gross is really mad at this guy.

Oh-oh-oh-oh, you can just let me off right here.

No, no, no. We'll go right to your house.

Maybe I can meet your father.

Ah, you sure can.

Hey, there he is!

Hi-diddly-ho!

Daddy!