Riverdale

There's a town that exists at the borderlands.

A place of nightmares and dreamscapes.

A place where folklore and myth

carry the weight of fact and truth.

A place where superstition and their laws

overshadow the laws of science,

and a place where old traditions die hard,

if they die at all.

The name of this place

is Rivervale.

And though it might seem familiar to you,

like a town you visited before, I can assure you,

it is not that same town.

Don't worry, I'll show you around.

First stop, Toni and Fangs' apartment,

portrait of a couple in distress.

Baby Anthony finally fell asleep?

More like he passed out from exhaustion.

He can't keep going like this, Fangs.

He's literally crying 24/7.

Something's wrong.

We'll call Doc Curdle, get Anthony an appointment.

It's gonna be okay, I promise.

Ah...

There she is, Miss Tabitha Tate.

And that is our real estate agent.

And if I'm not mistaken, those are our...

Here are your keys.

Thank you, Ms. Gordon.

We are so excited.

Uh-huh.

So, is this your first time living with a beau?

Actually, yes.

I've never taken that step before.

I have always been too guarded, I guess.

Too nervous.

Of course.

This day and age, you can't be too careful.

Let's check in with Rivervale's premier power couple,

Reggie Mantle and Veronica Lodge.

I'm sorry, Mr. Banks, but if you hesitate,

I can't guarantee this opportunity will be here tomorrow.

You'd be getting in on the ground floor of a gold mine, Mr. Lance.

Yes, that is correct.

A casino right here in Rivervale.

Exhausting, aren't they?

Let's head over to Elm Street.

The Cooper house, where Alice is doing a lot better,

but her appliances, not so much.

Well... that should clear that up.

What was it, Frank? More chicken bones?

No, not this time. It was a, um,

dish rag.

Hey, I have quiche in the oven. Would you stay for breakfast?

Tempting, but let's go next door.

Where my old chum Archie Andrews

is living with my ex-girlfriend Betty Cooper.

Let that one sink in for a minute.

And while we're all good friends, I should probably end the tour here

and leave whatever is happening upstairs to your imaginations.

- -Arch.

You okay? Was it another nightmare?

-Yeah. Sorry I woke you. -No, it's okay.

Was it a bad one?

It was surreal.

We were talking up here in my room,

and we heard this ticking noise.

Mmm-hmm.

It was a bomb under the bed.

Oh, my God. That's awful.

Yeah, the weirdest part, we were living in a town called Riverdale.

-Riverdale with a "D." -Yeah.

Okay. No more Twilight Zone marathons before bed, okay?

Let's make all those bad dreams go away with some early morning delight.

Kev, what's going on?

Where are you?

I was jogging when I found it.

Whoa.

The way the deer's laid out looks...

ritualistic, like it was sacrificed.

And its blood was used to draw these runic symbols all over the stone.

Who would do that?

I don't know, but whoever did took the deer's heart.

Okay, uh, never gonna jog here again.

Nor should you, interloper.

You merry three are trespassing on the sacred sovereign nation of Thornhill.

Be gone from its borders immediately,

or else my pupils will shoot you full of arrows.

-Like who, girls? -St. Sebastian.

Mistress Blossom.

Cheryl, this is a crime scene so I need to collect all of the evidence,

including the deer.

You will do nothing of the sort.

My girls and I will assume possession of that carcass.

To do what?

We will make a stew from its meat,

a pelt from its hide and a paste from its hooves.

That's a little barbaric.

No, you sad, simple, she-child.

It's a part of a sacred circle of life and death,

of use, reuse and rebirth,

of paying respect to what the Earth gives us,

all of what she gives us.

Now leave my land, heathens.

Girls.

Toodles.

I'm afraid Baby Anthony has colic.

Colic?

It's quite common and can last indefinitely.

There might be gas in his intestines causing the discomfort--

What can we do, Doc?

Because he's crying 24/7.

It's agony for all of us.

I do know of an old folk remedy.

I'd like to put this toad in Baby Anthony's mouth.

It'll suck the colic right out of him,

absorb it.

No more crying.

I'm sorry, but there's no chance in hell

I'm letting you put a frickin' frog in my baby's mouth.

In that case, the only other recommendation I can make is ear plugs.

How many more boxes of comic books do you have?

Oh, it's just a fraction.

The rest is still in storage.

You know, to be honest with you, Jug,

I didn't know you were that into comics.

Well, what can I say, Archie? I contain multitudes.

Come on.

I really appreciate your help, Betty.

I hope you don't feel weird being here.

No, not at all.

Honestly, I'm very happy that you and Jughead are taking this step together.

Meanwhile, what about you and Archie?

Are you all in?

It's really weird, Tabitha.

Back in high school, one of the biggest questions in my life was...

"Am I going to end up with Archie or Jughead?"

And now it seems like we have a definitive answer.

Today's your lucky day, Cameron.

I'm wondering if you or any of your boys want to invest in a boutique casino

a colleague and I are opening up in Rivervale.

So this is what you've been up to, Veronica.

As usual, the she-wolf is making lemonade out of lemons.

I don't even know what that means, Cameron.

This casino or whatever is obviously a distraction

till you come back to New York, where you belong.

As usual, Cameron, you're totally wrong about everything.

I'm all in on the casino and Rivervale.

Tell me straight, Ronnie.

Do you want this casino or not?

Of course I do.

Ignore Cameron. He's an idiot.

So it's just not another stopgap till you get your old job back?

Reggie, I did want to go back to Wall Street initially.

But now...

I'm having a ball doing this with you.

And I think our casino is gonna be huge.

Everything happens for a reason, lover.

Everything that's meant to be finally is.

Jughead, spider! Spider, Jughead!

No, no, no! Jughead, Jughead, don't!

Oh, my God, Jughead. I didn't want you to kill it!

I wanted you to put in a cup and take it outside. You never kill a spider.

It's bad luck.

Come on, that's just superstition.

Maybe so, but we just moved in together,

and I don't want anything to jinx us.

Tabitha.

It's just an itsy-bitsy spider. What's the worse that's gonna happen?

It's not like we're cursed now.

And next on the agenda, we have an update,

on the town's reforestation plans.

Archie Andrews.

Thanks, Toni.

Yeah, basically, we're good to go.

As you may know, since Cheryl declared Thornhill a sovereign state,

we've lost our local supply of maple syrup

as well as the revenue that the syrup was bringing in.

-Aren't our trees already tapped out anyway? -They are, Tom.

Which is why I propose

we buy and distribute maple saplings.

One per family to be planted in each family's yard.

My crew and I will take point on seeding a grove of maple trees

that the town will own.

And have we secured the saplings?

We just got the shipment in, Alice.

And as we discussed, Frank and I will be setting up

a distribution center outside of Pop's.

Hmm.

Riveting.

You might find the discussion underway at Thornhill,

also about maple syrup, more interesting.

Today,

before we came upon those intruders in my forest,

I was pointing out our precious maple trees,

how dry and lifeless they have become.

I believe our maple groves have withered away because

we have forgotten the old ways.

Ah, the old ways.

Before we built our first settlement in Rivervale,