Grace and Frankie

Grace.

I think I'm falling in love with you.

Oh...

That's all I've ever wanted to hear.

Have you seen my neti pot?

What?

Have you seen my neti pot?

Grace? Grace? Hello.

Have you seen my neti pot?

I don't know what that is.

Neti pot. About yay high.

Well, that does nothing.

It's a Himalayan vessel, shaped like an elephant head.

I use it to flush mucus out of my nasal cavities.

It was on the kitchen sink.

Well, then hopefully I threw it away.

My anxieties go straight to my nose.

I need a flush before everyone gets here.

It's your family, Frankie. What's the problem?

Coyote's got news. When has that ever turned out well?

Well, on the bright side, if it's bad news,

it'll take the sting out of the lube disaster.

It wasn't a great week.

How's that book, Grace?

Oh, it's very good. Very good.

You can't fool me. You're on the Isle of Phil.

Yes.

Fine. Yes.

I am thinking about him, but also Elaine.

What are you gonna do?

At the end of the day, he's still married.

Right. So, it's a non-starter.

Well, it's not fair to her. You know, she's a person.

- And she's his wife. No, not fair. - He takes such good care of her.

Super guy. Phil's the best.

Would you stop agreeing with me and help me?

Well, stop making such excellent points!

God, this is torture.

Oh...

Tell me what you really think.

OK. Here's what I think:

You get married, the vows say,

"In sickness and in health."

Change is all around us.

The ducks are molting.

I got my license back and...

you got your license back. What a year, huh?

We're all in different living situations and... Dad, how's your new place?

It's nice. It's fine.

A little somber. I try not to be there, I get depressed.

For the love of God, just tell us!

Do you have a gambling debt?

- Is someone gonna break your feet? - No, no, no. It's nothing like that.

No one's gay. No one's on drugs.

I contacted my birth mother.

Wow.

That is big news.

Everyone breathe. Let's all breathe.

You OK?

You need Dad to press on your sternum?

- I'm not allowed to do that anymore. - Not allowed.

Coyote, that is great.

I always knew this day would come and I'm glad it's here.

- Really? - Yes.

I mean, how did it go? What did she say?

It was good.

She lives in Baton Rouge, her husband is a doctor.

She sounded cool.

She was happy to hear from me and...

she wants to meet me.

OK. OK.

We can process this as a family. We'll take some time,

maybe a few weeks or months.

We'll have a therapist come in.

She's actually flying in tomorrow.

OK. We can accelerate our process. We are flexible people.

But it's just for the day.

This is great, Coyote.

If you want, after you've spent some time with her...

bring her over here. I would love to meet her.

Wow.

Thank you, Mom.

You must be a cauldron of emotions.

You want to walk us through the first five?

- I'm fine, honey. - Dad, how do you feel?

Well, let me check in.

Nope, never mind, that was scary.

Not about you. I'm OK.

And I want to meet her, too.

Oh, my God.

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, Mom.

Oh, this is the best thing for you. I'm so excited.

What if he's building up unreal expectations about her?

What if he's imagining a natural blonde,

soprano, tiny little feet, who hums to birds?

I'm pretty sure he knows his birth mother is not a cartoon princess.

Oh, who knows who's gonna walk through that door?

What if she's a stripper? Or a climate denier?

She could have... She could have pica.

Like that woman in Britain who eats only old tires.

This from a woman who uses shampoo on the floor.

It smells better. I checked online.

What are you really worrying about? Aside from the floor having dandruff?

This could trigger Coyote.

Here. Stop.

Look, give him a little credit.

You know, he's doing well. And give yourself a little credit.

You've raised a moderately successful young man.

Well, successful is the wrong word. Uh, sweet.

You're right.

- I need to have a little faith. - Yeah.

I'm gonna pray to the Nordic god, Frigg.

Frigg.

Yeah, she-she rules motherhood and wisdom.

I would never pray to a female god, especially one named Frigg.

Well, she works for me.

If you want to use your misogynistic God with his fire and bullshit, go ahead.

Well, we've had a falling out.

All right.

If you want me to hook you up with Frigg, let me know.

She's a god but you'd never know it. Zero pretense.

Wait a minute, what about the floor?

Oh, it's OK. I feel better.

Can't we just walk around the block? Why do we need to go to a dog park?

Because Tina needs to be socialized and so do you. Come on, let's go.

- This place is like a mausoleum. - A mausoleum sounds tranquil.

Oh, Robert, I'd love to feel sorry for you,

but that job's been taken by you. Now, snap out of it.

There's a whole world out there.

And the doctor said you need more exercise.

How do you know what my doctor said?

Is there a doctor that suggests less exercise?

Wait. Mmm. You're not going like that.

What? Is there a dress code at the dog park?

People make an effort. And tucking is over.

You can half-tuck, as of 2010.

Why don't I full-tuck and just stay home?

Fine. Come on. Let's go.

Do we take the car or ride the dog?

Tina is not laughing. She is very self-conscious about her size.

- The bagels are toasted. - Bagels are toasted.

Is there a reason we don't have knives out?

- Yes. - Ah.

Is this appropriate food for a birth mother brunch?

I don't know. It's my first.

You know, Bud, if you ever wanted to... we would host a brunch for you, too.

Thanks, Dad.

- Do you want me to stay? - No, I'm fine.

This is not about me, Grace. This is about Coyote.

Well, the good news is you found your neti pot.

- Where? - You're serving nuts in it.

- Oy. - You OK?

You know, I can stay, you know. This is a big deal for you.

No, no. The Bergsteins can handle anything.

Yeah, if there's a shaman and a team of astrologists on call.

Oh, Shaman Earl said that I was gonna feel something powerful,

and a week later I saw The Notebook,

so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I think I'll stay until she gets here, at least.

Why? What are you avoiding?

Nothing.

Phil.

I took to heart what you said yesterday.

I can't keep seeing him.

I'm so sorry.

But at least you know you're doing the right thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always doing the right thing. Little Miss Perfect.

Never got a B, never forgot a Thank You note.

Fuck me.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather just call him?

It would be the easier way.

No, if I'm gonna do the decent thing, I have to do it a decent way. In person.

- They're here! - Oh!

You're gonna be fine.

Of course I will. I've got the goddess of love and openness on my side.

Yeah, well if you need the goddess of numbness and Xanax,

I have some in my purse.

Hey, everybody. This is Krystle.

Oh, my Lord, you are exactly how I imagined you.

- Well, I'm not... - That's not...

Oh, my goodness, you're so beautiful.

- Well, thank you. - I'm back here. I'm Frankie.

- Hi, there. - Oh.

I'm Grace. This is Coyote's mother.

Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry. Of course you are.

- So nice to meet you. Oh! - Oh!

- Oh, ooh! - Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

That was your toe.

- Toes. And they're all fine. - Are you sure?

- Uh-huh. They're perfect. - Hi, there.

Nice to meet you.

Now I don't know much, but I know you must be Sol and Bud.

You got that right. Some people don't.

I'm gonna slip out. Leave it to family.

- It was very nice to meet you. - Oh, you too.

- Come sit. - Here, here.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

- Oh, my gosh! - Yeah, it's pretty, isn't it?

- Is that the ocean? - Yeah.

She's great. Coyote's gonna be fine.