Tirza

Hi, this is Tirza's voice mail.

Leave a nice message and I'll call back as soon as possible.

Sweetie, you forgot your iPod.

Call me to tell me where you are and I'll send it to you.

Let me know. Have fun and take care of each other.

Welcome to Vodafone Voice Mail. You have no messages.

So what do you say?

Well? Jörgen?

What should I say? I would have liked to stay, but...

Of course, this is also...

No, fine.

True culture, Jörgen, is nothing but the power of numbers. Superfluous.

He's been on the long list for the Nobel Prize for years.

You know what I was thinking? -He's the only Eastern European...

Strange perhaps coming from someone who has worked with books his whole life...

The most beautiful things in life aren't books...

but children.

Your daughter... Where is she again?

In Namibia. -No, the other one.

Ibi? -Yes, with that French boyfriend.

In Saint-Rémy. -Why don't you go to Saint-Rémy?

You'll have grandchildren soon. Great, isn't it?

Take them rowing, surfing, canoeing, water biking. Kids love water.

There's no water biking in Saint-Rémy.

Asshole.

Superfluous...

Those wooden spoons can't go in here. How often do I have to say that?

Ibi did that.

Where's Ibi? -No idea. With Jean-Loup, I guess.

Is she staying the night? -Don't know.

Dad...

When will I lose my virginity?

What? -My virginity.

You know everything, don't you?

Not always.

Things happen for a reason.

In my class no one is a virgin anymore. Except for me.

Perhaps you haven't met Mr. Right yet.

Bullshit! What counts is doing it.

Dad, I want you to help me.

Tell me who I should lose my virginity to.

I'll call out names and you say "stop!"

Stop this nonsense. -I just can't choose.

This is... -Are you ready?

No. -David, who has slick brown hair...

He has that scooter, you know? Reinhart is gorgeous with his big eyes.

So who should I ask?

What's wrong, dad? What are you thinking about?

About that bitch again? -No.

They are scared to death.

They're afraid of everything.

Especially of you. -What?

Boys. You have to put them at ease.

How? They act so weird.

Exactly. When you've picked a boy, take him along...

And then you should...

touch him gently. And then you say...

"I'm Tirza and I love you."

And then?

Then you embrace him and hold him tight.

I am Tirza and I love you.

Tirza? -Your doorbell doesn't work.

Is this a bad time? -I'm busy cooking, so...

What's a bad time?

I thought I'd come and see how you are. And the girls.

Has Tirza completely recovered? -Yes.

What about Ibi? Is she still with...? -Jean-Loup.

Yes, a Bed & Breakfast in Saint-Rémy. Changing filthy sheets.

And that with her brains. -Maybe it makes her happy.

Shall we go in? Or is someone else here? Are you seeing someone?

No.

Are you staying for dinner? -I'm not hungry.

What about work? -Fine. Busy. Autumn presentation.

You're smoking again.

Is this one for me? -Yes.

Around the corner here there are often wine-tastings on Saturday.

Sometimes I go there with Tirza. -How romantic.

She threw a huge party for her final exams.

Two As, two B+s, nothing below a B. -You must be very proud.

Where is she? Is she hiding from me? -Yes. In Namibia.

Pardon? -In Namibia.

Does she still hate me? -Yes.

She's a little witch. Always was, even when she was a toddler.

She never liked me, even when she was a baby.

She doesn't have to like you. She's your daughter.

I know a mother isn't supposed to say this: It's bad...

but I can't stand her.

Yuck. What a stench.

Why don't you kick her out right away?

You don't kick a woman out. Let alone one with whom you have two kids.

She abandoned you, dad. -No, she didn't abandon us.

She had to find herself.

Find myself?! I couldn't take it anymore here.

What are you doing here? Get lost. Dad and I...

I was suffocating. I was longing for space. -For sex!

Sweetie, no one could stand it here. No one normal, at least.

Fucking bitch!

Squeeze out those tears, why don't you?

I wish you were dead!

You learned to cook, I have to admit.

Thank you. -Did you miss me?

You did, right?

What do you want?

My life.

Maybe it's still here, somewhere.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Am I disturbing you? Should I leave? -Are you disturbing me?

It might have been better if you hadn't come. But you're here. It's fine.

You want to stay the night. That's fine too.

Do you know that I was never attracted to you?

Not even in the beginning.

Do you even know what attraction is?

My little girl...

Didn't you ever think: Jeez, this is weird?

How weird that I never gave my wife an orgasm.

How peculiar. Never, right? Never ever.

We produced two gorgeous daughters.

Isn't that more important than all the orgasms in the world?

How I had to try to stuff in that half-hard thing!

What I had to do to try and wake your beast from hibernation!

I'm not your type and you're not mine. Never have been. Too bad.

Whatever. The beast is dead.

But not in me, Jörgen. -Great. But in me it's dead as a doornail.

I conquered it. I'm stronger than the beast.

Is that right?

Just go to sleep.

Did you ever really look at me? And how I was doing?

Do you even dare to look? Here. Look. Look at them!

Did you miss them? Tell me: did you miss them?

Ibi! Come here.

Easy.

Calm down.

Bastard! -Where are you going?

None of you business. -Where?

To Andreas. -No way. You live here.

You live here! -What did you say?

Bossing me around just because you have no one else to boss around.

Stop it. You don't belong there.

My panties are still there. -Pardon?

My panties, you moron!

What's going on here? What's the problem?

That German asshole upstairs. He has to go.

You're the problem. You have been for a long time.

Tirza, get rid of that lollypop. It's bad for your teeth.

What have you done, for God's sake? -I threw that Kraut out.

That's no reason to hit him on the head with a lamp.

My daughter is not included in the rent.

How will you make up for this? -Yes, daddy, how will you?

Get rid of that lollypop. You don't even like it.

You can't treat your kid's friends like that. -Friends? How old is he? 40?

Don't you see what you're doing? -She could be pregnant.

I'm not pregnant, asshole. I'm on the pill.

Ibi, come here. -No one told me.

Do I have to search the medicine cabinet in case my daughter's pill is hidden there?

Or should I ask at dinner:

Who's on the pill, sweethearts? Raise your hand.

Who has a venereal disease, sweethearts? Raise your hand.

Who has been fucked in the ass at school today. Raise your hand.

Hofmeester. Tirza Hofmeester. With two e's.

Perhaps I should go there? -Don't get all dramatic.

She's been gone for 16 days.

Okay. You go there. And then?

She'll be raped and murdered by ten negroes. And there you are.

What kind of guy is that Choukri? Moroccan?

What does he do?

Say something. -He beat me at Monopoly.

When we were in Bladel. -What were you doing there?

Tirza wanted to show him the cottage on the way to the airport.

What does he do. Is he a student? -Something with music.

Classical guitar.

And something in Social Work.

He has good manners, I have to admit. He looked decent.

From a good family, I think. Not a religious fanatic. But Muslim, of course.

He's good for her. Nice guy. Absolutely. -But?

Why doesn't she answer my e-mails? -That's not the guy's fault.

She has other things on her mind besides e-mailing us.

Us? She isn't even aware you still exist. -Jerk.

You know what they're doing? -They don't need to go to Africa for that.

Your favorite daughter is just a slut. -Shut up. You're the slut here.

I get it. A hunky Arab. Yummy.

Welcome to Vodafone Voice Mail. You have one new message.

Hi, dad. It's Ibi. Have you heard from Tirza? I didn't. It's strange.

Call me when you have spoken to her. All right? Bye.

My Sun Queen.

Where are you?

Jesus Christ.

Hi, this is Tirza's voice mail. Please leave a nice message...

and I'll call back as soon as possible.

Sweetie, three guesses where I am now. In Windhoek.

Listen, I'm staying at the Thüringer Hof hotel.

Phone number: 61 22 60 31.

Call me when you get this message. Love, daddy.

I'm 40 now and living past 40 is not decent.

It's vulgar, immoral, Fyodor said. Who lives past 40?

I'll tell you: idiots and rascals.

Tirza, stop it. I often thought: what is...

Tirza! What is Hell?

I'm of the opinion that Hell is nothing but suffering...

caused by the fact of no longer being able to love.

Look. Beautiful isn't it?