Parks and Recreation

- ARE YOU GETTING READY FOR YOUR

NIGHTLY SKYPE DATE WITH ANDY IN LONDON?

YOU LOOK LOVELY.

- I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU A THOUSAND TIMES.

OKAY.

WHAT THE HELL?

- * SOMEONE'S BACK FROM LONDON, NO, IT'S NOT THE QUEEN *

* SOMEONE'S BACK FROM LONDON, IT'S NOT MR. BEAN *

OH, MY GOD.

- * IT'S NOT THE ROYAL BABY, I THINK HIS NAME IS JEFF *

- STOP SINGING! KISS ME!

OH, MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I JUST MISSED YOU SO BAD, HONEY,

I BOUGHT MYSELF A TICKET HOME.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA NEED THAT COMPUTER AGAIN

'CAUSE I'M HOME FOR, LIKE, 19 HOURS.

- THIS IS SO SWEET. JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS.

- TAKE A HIKE, JERRY.

IT'S LARRY NOW.

OKAY, TAKE A HIKE, LARRY.

*

NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS,

COUNCILMAN JAMM PROPOSES BILL 949-C.

THAT'S RIGHT, STRETCH,

AND LOOKING MIGHTY FLY IN THAT SUIT, BROTHER.

OKAY, THIS EXCELLENT BILL ONLY ALLOWS

SOMEONE TO VOTE IN A PAWNEE ELECTION,

FOR EXAMPLE, THE UPCOMING RECALL ELECTION,

IF THEIR I.D. LISTS AN OFFICIAL PAWNEE ADDRESS.

- REALLY, COUNCILMAN? AGAIN?

THE RECALL ELECTION IS COMING UP,

AND JAMM KEEPS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WAYS TO SCREW ME OVER.

LAST WEEK, HE TRIED TO HAVE ME LISTED ON THE BALLOT

AS "LESLIE BUTTFACE HITLER THE FOURTH."

ALL YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IS DISENFRANCHISE

THE PEOPLE FROM FORMER EAGLETON,

PEOPLE WHO WILL MOST LIKELY VOTE FOR ME

BECAUSE I SAVED A LOT OF THEIR JOBS.

I MOVE THAT WE TABLE THE DISCUSSION

UNTIL AFTER THE ELECTION.

- SECOND. - THANK YOU!

- AH! - I'M SO SORRY.

I JUST GET EXCITED WHEN YOU LIKE ME.

I PUT MY CAREER ON THE LINE BY SAVING EAGLETON,

AND HE'S TRYING TO ROB ME OF THEIR VOTES?

THOSE ARE MY VOTES.

I'VE EARNED THEM! I WANT THEM!

GIVE ME THOSE VOTES!

I DON'T HAVE THEM ON ME.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE JAMM TRIED TO PULL THAT CRAP.

- I CAN. HE'S A HORRIBLE MONSTER.

BUT LET'S FOCUS ON THE MORE IMPORTANT ISSUE.

YOU WANT TO SQUEEZE IN ONE MORE PRACTICE SESSION?

OH, DO I?

TONIGHT, I AM THROWING BEN HIS DREAM BIRTHDAY PARTY,

A ROLLER SKATING BASH WITH AN EARLY '90s THEME.

BEN LIVES FOR THE EARLY '90s.

THE MUSIC, THE FASHION. IT'S HIS FAVORITE ERA.

AS FOR THE ROLLER SKATING--

- I HAVE A THING FOR WOMEN IN SKATES. OKAY?

EVERYONE HAS A THING, AND THAT'S MINE.

AS FAR AS THINGS GO, IT'S PRETTY INNOCUOUS.

COULD BE ONE OF THOSE DUDES THAT KISSES MANNEQUINS OR WHATEVER,

BUT I LIKE A WOMAN IN SKATES.

A LOT.

HEY, ANN, ANN CALLED.

SHE WANTS HER UGLY OUTFIT BACK. -

- WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS A PILGRIM?

- LESLIE SAID IT WAS A "COME AS YOU WERE IN THE '90s" PARTY.

I ASSUMED IT WAS THE 1690s.

- BABE, IF IT WAS THE 1690s, WE'D ALL BE MUMMIES.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK MUMMIES ARE?

SKELETONS?

- OH, BOY. - HEY.

I JUST CAME STRAIGHT FROM WORK, SO I COULDN'T DRESS UP.

- NO PROBLEM. YOU LOOK WIGGIDY-WIGGIDY-

WIGGIDY-WIGGIDY-WONDERFUL.

- WAIT A MINUTE. PANTS ON BACKWARDS.

KRIS KROSS, RIGHT? NICE!

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE TO PEE?

I ACTUALLY JUST WENT.

I HAD TO PULL MY PANTS ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND

LIKE A TODDLER.

NADIA, THE SUPER HOT DOCTOR,

HAS BEEN HANGING OUT WITH ME FOR THE LAST WEEK.

SHE'S DEFINITELY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

ACTUALLY, WE'RE NOT EVEN PLAYING THE SAME SPORT.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE SHE'S IN THE NBA

AND I WORK AT A MUFFLER STORE NEXT TO THE STADIUM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE MET JUST BEFORE

YOU HAVE TO GO ON YOUR STUPID VACATION.

- I'M DOING DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS, MAN.

I'M GOING TO RWANDA.

- EXACTLY. THAT'S A STUPID VACATION.

- OKAY, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU WIN ME THAT HUGE-ASS BEAR

AS A GOING-AWAY PRESENT?

- NO PROBLEM. I'M A SKEE BALL MASTER.

- NO WAY! WHY DON'T YOU GO PRO?

- I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A CLICHE.

YET ANOTHER PROFESSIONAL INDIAN SKEE BALL PLAYER?

- RIGHT.

- NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL SHOOTING.

IS THIS A HUNTING GAME?

- YEAH, IT'S FUN. YOU WANT TO PLAY?

INDEED, I DO.

IF YOU'D LIKE, I COULD OFFER YOU SOME POINTERS.

HUNTING, DONNA,

IS ABOUT SILENCE, BALANCE, AND PATIENCE.

GET READY.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT THE DEER, RIGHT?

UGH!

GET IT TOGETHER, SWANSON.

WELL, THE GAME IS ABSURD.

THIS GUN IS LIGHTWEIGHT, THERE'S NO SIGHT,

AND WE ARE FAR TOO CLOSE TO THESE DEER.

WOULD THEY NOT SMELL US?

I WANT MY MONEY BACK. HOW DO I GET MY QUARTERS?

- OH, MY GOD! YOU ARE SUCH A SORE LOSER.

I AM NOT A SORE LOSER.

IT'S JUST THAT I PREFER TO WIN,

AND WHEN I DON'T, I GET FURIOUS.

EMPLOYEE!

WHOA! WATCH THIS.

OH, THAT WAS BRILLIANT.

SORRY. YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU AMERICANS SAY "COOL" WHEN SOMETHING'S COOL?

OVER IN LONDON, WE SAY, "THAT'S BRILLIANT."

SPEAKING OF LONDON,

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT WORK.

YOU STILL LOVE IT? - YEAH, IT'S AWESOME.

I'M KICKING ASS.

I'M LIKE CHUCK NORRIS, ONLY INSTEAD OF CRUSHING

BAD GUYS' SKULLS, I'M CRUSHING DOCUMENTS.

- THAT'S GREAT. - YEAH.

- NOW BE THE CHUCK NORRIS OF MAKING OUT WITH ME.

- I'LL KARATE PUNCH YOUR FACE WITH MY TONGUE.

- PROVE IT. - HI-YAH.

GET THIS.

I JUST ASKED THE DJ WHAT REM ALBUMS HE HAS.

HE'S GOT MONSTER, BUT NOT AUTOMATIC FOR THE PEOPLE.

- WOW! - I KNOW.

IT'S LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? A MID-'90s PARTY?

NO. IT'S AN EARLY '90s PARTY.

- OKAY, LARRY. TELL US HOW THIS LOOKS.

BEN WANTS TO DO A SYNCHRONIZED COUPLE SKATE

TO LOSING MY RELIGION.

HIT IT!

*

- LESLIE! LESLIE! LESLIE!

I'M SORRY, BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

HIS NAME IS JEREMY JAMM.

- WELL, AS NOTED IN ARTICLE NINE, PARAGRAPH TWO--

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

JAMM, I THOUGHT THIS BILL WAS TABLED?

- YES, AND I CALLED A SPECIAL SESSION AND UN-TABLED IT.

WHAT IS UP WITH THE ROLLER SKATES?

- I WAS ABOUT TO ATTEND A ROLLER SKATING BIRTHDAY PARTY

FOR MY HUSBAND, BUT THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT.

- YEAH, I DON'T CARE. I'M A BLADES GUY.

POINT OF ORDER!

THE COUNCILWOMAN WISHES TO SPEAK ON THIS ISSUE.

- WILL THE COUNCILWOMAN YIELD HER TIME

SO WE CAN VOTE ON THIS SUCKER?

NO, I WILL NOT YIELD.

NOR WILL I YIELD FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING.

A FILIBUSTER?

ARE YOU DOOKIN' ON MY CHEST RIGHT NOW?

NO! GROSS!

AND YES, IT'S A FILIBUSTER.

OKAY?

I AM NOT WILLING TO LET YOU DEPRIVE ME--

- SHE'S FILIBUSTERING ON ROLLER SKATES?

SHE'S GONNA BE STRAPPED INTO THOSE THINGS FOR HOURS.

- I KNOW THIS IS A DIRE SITUATION,

BUT I SWEAR TO GOD, THIS IS LIKE

A CRAZY SEX FANTASY FOR ME.

.

HOW GOES IT?

- PRETTY GOOD, EXCEPT I SUCK AT SKEE BALL.

- WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T WIN ME THAT BEAR,

YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.

UNDERSTOOD.

HEY, MAN, HOW MANY TICKETS FOR THAT BEAR, AGAIN?

- 40,000. - 40,000? OH, BROTHER.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE GONNA BE MY LOOKOUT FOR A SECOND.

- HEY, IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?

- NO! GET OFF THE RAMP, DUDE!

- HEY! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY LOOKOUT.

- I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNIER TO WATCH YOU GET BUSTED.

- HEY, YOU'RE A DOCTOR. YOU KNOW SNITCHES GET STITCHES.

- I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I VOTED.

I WAS IN MY BEDROOM, AND I WAS FIVE.

I VOTED FOR MILDRED, MY STUFFED PIG,

BUT MY CAT, PANCAKES, WON.

SHE HAD MORE FUNDING.

POLITICS, RIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN TALKING? THREE HOURS?

NO, EIGHT MINUTES. OKAY.

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD YIELD THE FLOOR.

MILTON DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME--