Jane the Virgin

Welcome back, friends.

You'll recall our Jane was dealing with quite a doozy

because Michael came back from the freaking dead,

only he was just a little different.

Actually,

I go by Jason now, ma'am.

You see, it turns out Rose,

aka Sin Rostro,

kidnapped Michael and gave him amnesia.

You don't remember me?

And her former lover Luisa

was determined to find out why she did it.

I know, straight out of a telenovela, right?

And speaking of telenovelas,

Jane's father Rogelio was excited

to launch the American version of The Passions of Santos,

and his costar... The fabulous River Fields,

who he had a rocky relationship with.

Also navigating tricky relationships... Alba.

See, she had a quickie wedding to her ex-boyfriend Jorge

to help him get a green card. The only problem...

Her fake marriage had Alba catching real feelings.

And speaking of feelings, our Jane vowed to help Michael...

My bad.

Jason get his memories back, but she refused

to let it interfere with her relationship with Rafael.

I want to move in with you now.

I love you, Rafael.

Which, my friends, is where we left off.

When Jane Gloriana Villanueva

was two months, 12 days and 18 hours old,

she received her first sacrament

in the Catholic Church.

And as she moved through her religious life,

these were her touchstones,

her holy rites of passage.

In the name of the Father...

And of the Son

and of the Holy Spirit.

Some were solemn,

some were joyous.

Amen.

But they were, above all,

eternal.

Or until death do us part.

Or so Jane thought.

It wasn't the lawyer. It was a telemarketer.

I guess she doesn't have a ton of experience

with husbands who come back from the dead.

I just want an answer. I mean, yes or no?

But I love that lamp.

I picked it out

and I forced you to buy it.

That's right,

while Jane was moving out,

Jorge was moving in.

Temporarily, of course.

Like I said. And...

Abuela, you okay?

But it could still be confusing.

You know I finally had my mind off of that, right?

Mom!

I can't find the blue pieces from my building set!

Oh. It's the lawyer.

Hello? Hi. Yes. Uh, so, am I married or not?

Still no answer?

No, it's crazy.

She's consulting colleagues,

a conflicting legal precedent, blah, blah, blah.

Your grandma let you have this?

The point is, I might not know

if I'm married or not for a week.

I deserve that lamp.

And for you...

Ooh. A color-coded calendar.

What is the occasion?

It's how I'm gonna help Jason get his memories back

without letting it interfere in our life.

I am liking this calendar.

Right? Mateo's blue. We have to keep them apart, obviously.

Agreed. What is, uh, CCD?

Catholic classes until his first Communion.

We talked about this. You said yes.

I just don't want Mateo thinking

every time he does something wrong, he's going to hell.

That is not what the Church teaches...

at first.

Look, my husband just came back from the dead.

Can you just agree to what you already agreed to?

Is this what Catholic guilt feels like?

- Yeah. Is it working? - Yes.

Thank you. By the way,

You don't leave for work for half an hour,

and Mateo's at school.

Oh. So we have a window?

Oh, we have a window.

Oh.

Hey.

Unfortunately, they also had a door,

which had been accidentally left open.

Sorry I'm early.

It's just I get up with the cock's crow.

But if it's a bad time, I can come back later...

after.

No, no, it's okay. Let's get you moved into the Marbella.

I just need to find my shoes.

And underwear.

So, how was your visit with your dad?

Any memories?

Nope, but I had a real good time.

What did you guys do?

Oh, you know, just

caught up on episodes of NCIS.

You guys watched television?

It was nice.

Quiet.

But I'm back and ready for you and all the talking.

And from one amnesiac

to another.

But more sexy.

I play a sexy amnesiac, so maybe this hair...

goes on this side, huh?

Like I forgot how to part it properly.

You'll recall Rogelio was launching the American version

of The Passions of Santos.

Hey, you.

Why are you calling again?

I just want to make sure

you don't feel too lonely at home.

For the last time, I'm fine.

Because I can delay it until after chemo.

Please don't say you can delay until after chemo.

I'm serious, Rogelio.

Stop feeling guilty. I'm great.

You're finally shooting The Passions of Steve and Brenda.

Now go have a great first day,

and don't call again.

And stay professional.

Remember, you got to a good place with River.

Don't mess it up.

I won't.

And, friends,

it's important to note: that was his plan.

Good morning, Mr. Co-President.

Good morning, Madam Co-President.

Shall we run lines?

New script pages, hot off the presses.

Oh. Great.

Ooh, fun.

Oh, they made my monologue even juicier.

Well, I better get these babies ready to emote.

I thought we were running lines.

First, I want to have a word

with those tasteless, talentless hacks

who call themselves...

Writers!

The finest wordsmiths

in Miami and my very favorite people.

So, I found...

Uh, Mr. De la Vega, this is the production office.

I see. Okay.

Well... good producing.

Take two.

Writers.

My favorite people in the whole world.

I noticed my monologue was missing

from the latest script. Not to worry.

I'm sure that omitting the most powerful moment

in the pilot was just an oversight.

It's sweet but not too sweet.

You think it's coconut sugar?

What are those... things?

River boats. She gave 'em to the whole crew

to celebrate the first day of shooting.

I didn't know River had a cookie line.

She's just so nice.

Agreed.

So... very nice.

You just seem sarcastic when you say that.

Oh, no. I'm very glad to have this crazy calendar.

Why did the vendor send Chardonnay

when I specifically ordered Chablis?

Weren't you on the call when I placed the order?

I told you, always be on my calls,

taking notes so situations like this are avoided.

Find me the Chablis.

Now!

Turns out "temp" is just another word for "incompetent."

Anyway, welcome to the Marbella.

Yup, looks like

someone's still crushing on Petra.

Well, thanks for putting us up.

He could use a walk. Come on, Bo. Come on.

No one said anything about a dog.

Can you make an exception?

Think of him as like an emotional support animal.

Emotional support for what?

For coming back from the dead!

He so much as lifts a leg in here, he's out.

And that goes for Jason, too.