Mega Snake

Boys? Ya'll ready yet?

Yes, ma'am.

I'm ready.

Where's your brother?

Ohh.

Les, honey. I can see you breathing.

I don't wanna go!. I don't wanna!

Ohhh.

I don't wanna go!. I don't wanna!

It ain't up to you to decide.

I don't wanna!

The Lord says you're ready.

I don't wanna go!

Now, Lester, enough of that. Come on.

You best not let your daddy see you cryin'.

Come on, get in the car.

We're all set. Let's go.

SIide over, boys. There we go.

Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Behold! I give unto you the power

to tread on serpents and scorpions.

Nothing by any means shall hurt thee! Rise!

Rise!

Go over, son.

Come on, Les.

Here, Les. You take him.

Praise God!

T rust God. Don't you fear that snake!

Agh!

Oh! Oh my God!

Dad! Dad! No! Dad!

No! Dad!

It's okay, son.

Have praise! It's God's will!

Somebody help him!

He's dead!

What are you doing?. Help him!

Call a doctor! Somebody help him.

Les? Coffee, honey?

Don't do anything you don't want to.

Just come sit in the pews.

It's gonna be a real nice service.

It'd mean a whole hell of a lot to Ma.

I got to get to work.

Well, just this once, Les.

It'd be a decent thing to do to honor your daddy's memory.

Ma, best thing I can do to honor Daddy's memory,

is stay the hell away from snakes.

If you feared God half as much as you feared that snake,

Dad would still be alive.

That's enough, Duff.

Your praying couldn't save Daddy.

Maybe a little medicine could've.

Les, you copy?

Yeah. Les, here.

We got something down by the river.

I'm on my way outside! Where are you?.

Morning, partner.

Morning, Faye. You got the keys?.

Sure. Oopsie. And a good morning to you too.

I got a girlfriend, remember that.

My brother James,

I was climbing a tree when he pulled me down.

Don't blame me, boogerfoot. You just fell.

Mr. Jensen, you can't Ieave your garbage

out like that.

I was gonna clean it up.

Not only are you ruining the environment,

but you can be attracting wild animals.

Young lady, I spent six years in a Vietnamese prison camp.

I think l can handle a few animals.

That ain't gonna take stitches now, is it?.

A couple of Band-Aids will do the trick.

See, ya mother him too much.

"He's gotta go to the hospital."

"You gotta call an ambulance."

Actually, you might want to get him to a hospital.

It could be a concussion or even worse.

Thanks, Doctor. Walk it off, Billy.

I feel like fishin'.

Poor baby.

Erin, wait up.

I've got work to do.

Alright, l get it, I get it.

Sorry about the other night.

We both said things we didn't mean.

I meant every word I said.

Okay.

Les, I love you but I'm not a kid anymore.

I wanna get married, I wanna have a family.

I don't understand why you're so afraid of growing up.

I'm not afraid!

I can't wait around for you forever.

If you're not ready to be a man,

I gotta find someone who is.

You got a lot of other offers on the table right now?.

Many offers.

Yeah? Like who?

Oh, so many. Like, for example--Bo.

Bo?.

That's Big Bo to you, Pinky.

Nobody calls me Pinky anymore.

Big Bo does. Why don't you run along?.

Me and the little lady here have a lunch date.

I'll see you in town, Erin.

Big Bo?. You gotta be kidding me!

Come on, Erin. Give me another chance.

Hey.

Hey, dude! What the hell?.

Never touch another man's horse.

You must be lost, white man.

You, uh, you Leonard Screamin' Hawk?.

Who's askin'?.

Duff Daniels. Holy lnspired Church of Christ.

Snake wranglers?.

That's right.

I'm in the market for some very-- specialized products.

Come on, Officer. What are you?.

Parks and Rec?. A nosy ranger?.

No, no. I'm cool.

Hell, I'm one-tenth Cherokee.

One-tenth?. Tell me, white man,

what kind of products are you lookin' for?.

Specifically, some, uh, Carolina pygmies.

I've been to every wrangler in town.

They all say you're the only one who has 'em.

Carolina pygmies, huh?.

Very deadly snake.

Well, that's kind of the point.

This way.

How many pygmies do you want?.

Just a couple.

Fifty bucks each.

You should really stop by the church some time.

We'd welcome you with open arms.

Your faith is an insult to nature's power.

Now, what's this?.

That--is called "Unteka. "

Killed a lot of my people.

Unteka?

Why have I never heard of this?.

Because my people are brave enough

and strong enough to have killed them all.

Almost all.

You're telling me this little guy did all that killin'?.

Unteka grows a lot-- and very quickly.

If it's so deadly, how come you don't just kill it?.

To have Unteka is to have great power.

It is a symbol of pride to my people.

Yeah, but isn't that a Iittle risky?

Not if you observe the rules:

it is harmless.

What rules?.

What does it matter?.

Prr. That's what I thought. You're making this stuff up.

There are three rules.

First,

never let Unteka out of the jar.

Second, never Iet it eat anything Iiving.

And finally,

never fear the heart of the snake.

Alright. Alright, you sold me.

I'll give you, uh, 50 bucks for it.

You're making a mockery of my ancestors.

Okay, er, 75.

Unteka is not for sale!

It has been a plague on the land for centuries.

A curse from an angry god!

Fine. Fine, 85 bucks,

but we're talking blood from a stone here.

Stupid white man. It is not for sale!

Take your snakes and go!

Oh, hi, babe.

Yeah, I know. Okay.

Well--yeah, okay,

I have the bill right here.

Thanks for taking the ambulance back, partner.

Sure. Les?.

If you feel lonely, me and friends are goin' out for drinks.

Oh, thanks, I don't feel much like having a drink.

Well, if you just want to talk, I'm always up late.

Call me.

Thanks.

Hey!

Bow wow! Bow wow!

Hey! What the hell is that?.

That?

That is the newest addition to the family.

Les, meet Unteka.

Unteka, meet Les.

Unteka, you say?.

Mm. It's an extremely rare,

extremely deadly, extremely awesome snake.

It killed a whole bunch of Indians.

Yeah, only the truly wise and powerful men can possess it.

Y eah, well, no snakes in the house. Don't make me tell Ma.

Duff, put it away.

You big baby.

Come on.