Desperate Housewives

I'm getting married, and i don't wanna screw it up,

'Cause enough of those screwups, and you just end up alone.

Gaby discovered that old flames...

Yeah, that can happen.

Can leave embers.

Do you at least know why he steals?

I steal to hurt you. Bree's tortured marriage...

I'm not your wife anymore, orson. I'm your captive.

Don't you feel any remorse at all over that?

Guilt is a small price to pay for happiness.

Led her into an affair with karl.

What happened to the good girl?

She decided guilt's a small price to pay for happiness.

Lynette revealed a closely guarded secret.

No one else can know about this.

I'm pregnant.

You are?

Something's happened to julie.

And when a crime was committed...

How does a fish get caught? He opens his mouth.

A suspect emerged.

there's a certain kind of woman

You see in the suburbs.

She waits for the school bus in her bathrobe.

She stops by the post office with curlers in her hair.

She goes to the market in sweatpants and a t-Shirt.

This woman is a housewife,

And she doesn't bother trying to be beautiful

Because...

It's a waste of time.

I was trying to hit celia.

Well, get better aim!

Ana, help me clean this mess.

don't up your volume on me.

Juanita, finish those vegetables.

Don't make me count to three.

Oh, don't give me that look, you sawed off little--

Gaby?

Oh, my god.

John. Hi.

Wow. What a surprise.

I was so busy back in the kitchen

I didn't even know you guys were here.

How are you? Well, i'm usually better

When i don't have creamed spinach all over me.

Uh, so... are you working here?

Hey, nothing wrong with waitin' tables.

Could you get us some more bread?

You know, maybe i could bring you some dessert on the house.

I'll just go ask the owner. Oh, wait. That's me.

Honestly?You own this

I bought it with the money i got in my divorce settlement.

Really? You're divorced?

Yep. Almost a year now.

Oh, my god. Are--Are these your kids?

Yeah. This is celia and juanita, and this is our niece ana.

Hello.

Hi.

I can see the family resemblance.

She's my niece.

Wow.

It must've been a windy day when the apple fell from that tree.

Well, it was--It was great seeing you again.

You, too. (Chuckles)

Still don't see any bread here.

I'll be right back.

Yes,

There'

S a certain kind of woman you only meet in the suburbs.

She will try to look beautiful

If she has someone to look beautiful for.

On this street,

The day begins with a cup of coffee.

Most need it to wake up.

Some can't read their morning paper without it.

A few like to drink it on their way to work.

Then there are those

Who just want something to hold in their hands

While they discuss the neighbors.

Well, danny had me fooled.

He seemed like a pretty nice kid.

Yeah, except for the strangling.

Sorry. Oh, it's okay. I'm just happy that julie's safe

And they caught the guy.

Uh, susan.

Bob.

Go inside.

Go inside.

Hey, susan. I'm confused. The--The last i heard,

The police had danny bolen in custody. Danny was never under arrest.

The police were questioning him,

But they had no grounds to hold him. Okay, that sounds like his lawyer talking.

Are you his lawyer? Susan, you know how much i love julie,

But they have no evidence against this kid,

And i couldn't just let him sit there. If he didn't do it, why would need to fake his alibi?

Because he's a kid and he was scared. Angie, this is not a good idea.

I-I just gotta say this. Susan, please.

I can't even imagine what you've been going through.

I am begging you, as my friend and neighbor,

Don't defend him.

Susan, it's my job.

Then i don't know how you sleep at night.

Susan, wait.

Come on. Can--Can we please just talk about this?

We can go inside, just the two of us.

No.

You wanna talk about this?

Let's do it out here in the open. Hey, everybody!

Her son tried to kill my daughter.

And while he's here, nobody on this street is safe.

What is this?

Bacon and cheese burrito.

You couldn't find any croissants or pain au chocolat?

Sweetie, we're at a motor lodge on the interstate.

I was lucky to find a burrito.

People always talk about the moral hazards of cheating.

No one warns you about the food.

Mmm. Mmm.

So you want me to book this place for tomorrow? Mm, sorry, i have an event.

Oh, wait. You know, i think i do, too.

How's this then? We'll go to vegas for the weekend?

Las vegas?

Why not?

I'll lose my shirt in the casino,

And then we'll head upstairs, and you can lose yours.

I can't disappear for a whole weekend.

My husband would notice. Say you're visiting family.

karl!

I'm sorry, but i don't see us having romantic getaways.

That's the sort of thing

A woman does with a man she's in love with.

And we don't have those kinds of feelings. I get it.

But you are a delightful diversion.

And in order to keep things delightful,

I think it's best

We not put unreasonable demands on each other.

Okay. Fine.

You could've said, "pass the sugar."

I didn't want to make a demand.

So... i know you guys have been concerned

'Cause i've been so sick in the mornings.

Well, i wanted to let you know why.

I'm pregnant with twins.

Well, now that the celebration's over, any questions?

Yeah. Aren't you gonna be, like, the world's oldest mom?

No. There's a woman in mongolia who's got me beat.

Any other questions?

I have more of a statement.

You two are so irresponsible.

You should've been using birth control.

You're in college.

Do you know what the odds are now that you'll graduate?

Like, zero.

You--You have a new job, one that you'll have to quit

Once the baby comes. So i hope you're both happy.

You've just destroyed your futures

For a few minutes of pleasure.

Not to mention, it's so gross you're still doing it.

Penny, you're excited about this, right?

Yeah, getting two little babies to play with.

If they're boys, i'm outta here.

You have to understand,

Even though they've released danny,

It doesn't mean he's not still a suspect.

So what do we do?

Well, the police are gonna start digging into your background,

So i need to know what they're gonna find.

You're from new york, right?

Yeah.

But instead of wasting your time poking around in the past,

You just need to back up danny's story.

Right, just check out the liquor stores, see if anyone saw him. I will,

But the police are gonna talk to people in your old neighborhood,

See if he's got any run-Ins with the law, with girls.

Is there anything i need to know, danny? nope.

Not a thing.

Okay... but i still need to establish character.

So i'll need to get in touch with some old teachers, friends.

Nah, you don't need to do all that.

Look, what are we doing here?

I can't defend a client i know nothing about.

Why can't you answer just a few simple questions?

You wanna know why? Because this family has secrets! Danny.

Big dark secrets that we can't talk about,

Not even to our lawyer.

You know, who cares if it makes me look guilty, even if i'm not? Knock it off!

This conversation was privileged, right?

so i don't know if you heard,

But this morning the police released danny bolen.

I heard. You must be worried sick. I am.

clearly, he's unstable. Who knows what he might do next?

So what are we gonna do about it?

You ever hear about that old man on maple drive?

People found out he used to be an accountant for the nazis,

And they threw garbage all over his yard.

That's right. And he moved.

But then it was bought

By some ex-Hippie who painted the house pink,

So it was a pyrrhic victory at best.

Well, look, i'm just bringing this up