Adult World

Oh, Sylvia.

This is suicidal plagiarism.

"Oblivion receding,

"the abyss opening,

"the screaming dirt of chaos

blinding."

Strong meter, Amy.

Strong words.

Thank you.

Mazel tov.

Josh?

You're up next.

Good.

I love your words.

This is Emerald Ambrosia:

An ode to absinthe.

Picture it with no punctuation, because there is none.

- I think we're the best poets on campus.

- Your turn. - Oh.

Whoa! - Yep, just...

If you yank it...

You still a virgin?

No, no, I'm not, actually.

It's beautiful.

Your poetry is really beautiful.

It's like I can see inside of you.

I want to be inside of you.

Here?

Mm-hmm.

What was that?

Nothing.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just relax. Just relax.

- What are you doing? - Hey, take it easy, easy!

Come on! It's art!

Stop! Stop! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Amy.

Your dirt metaphor's a cliché.

And your poetry sucks.

I hate that song.

Me too.

- By the way, what a misogynistic pig.

You should have castrated that guy.

- I don't even care anymore, you know?

I'm resilient.

I'd like to share something with you.

"Amnesiac magazine grins,

"feeding from the mall,

"polyblend combustion burning

on the escalator to nowhere."

- Oh, my God, I think I just got my period.

- So haunting, so ahead of its time...

it's practically ancient.

1989.

Shit.

- Soon we'll be free of this hellhole.

As the days died early,

she longed escape from her cage.

Thanks, mom!

- Here, honey. These were in the printer.

You have a lot of submissions.

- There's a small reading fee for a few of the reviews.

Small? How small?

Well, um,

a lot of the reviews have prizes.

Like, The Finger Lskes' prize is $1,000, and I'm a shoo-in.

I mean, you're only eligible if you're

an unpublished female poet

under the age of 25 from upstate New York.

So... hello.

Hello!

Hello.

- Dad, can I get some stamp money?

- Amy, you know we believe in your talent,

and we know how special you really are,

but, um, we can't afford

to subsidize your poetry career.

Okay, I know it seems

like I'm not really doing anything right now,

but I am writing nonstop, all the time.

Things are pouring out of me

you wouldn't even believe.

I-I could have a volume of poetry in a week.

I mean, I'm feeling a lot.

I'm thinking a lot.

I'm... I'm inspired, Dad.

I'm inspired.

- Sweetie, you've got $90,000 in student loans,

and you've already spent a couple of thousand

on these submissions.

So we can give you an extension for another week,

but after that, no more.

We just... we just have to cut the umbilical cord.

So...

let's see what happens with those.

And there's some stamp money...

Just until you win the Pulitzer.

I love you.

Thanks, Dad.

I will suffer through this.

I will suffer through this!

So...

you majored in poetry.

Yes.

- Twice a week would be wonderful.

I could pay you $4.25 an hour.

It was a sign,

literally and figuratively.

Hi, hon.

Need some help?

No, I-I...

I didn't mean to come in.

You come about the job?

- No! No, no, no.

No, not at...

Sorry. Sorry.

It won't bite you.

Oh!

Ew.

Nope. Sorry.

We're not hiring. - I would be a real asset here.

I know everything there is to know about poetry...

Rat Billings is doing a signing here at this bookstore?

Yeah, you like him?

Like?

The Squalor of Splendor

is one of my favorite poems ever written.

He was 18 when he wrote that.

It's the best thing he ever did.

He's a good training wheels poet

if you're not ready for the great ones yet.

Rat Billings is the great.

Salinger worked in a meat processing plant.

Stanley,

this nice young woman

has come in about the job.

My friends know where I am.

Sorry.

O-come on.

Go on. Don't be afraid.

- Got any experience working retail?

Actually, no.

Oh.

Are you at all familiar with our...

our inventory?

More or less.

Tell her about our insurance.

Insurance?

Does this mean I got the job?

- We try to take care of our people,

so we provide some basic health coverage.

Thank you.

My darling.

- Pretty much a mom-and-pop operation.

Mary Ann likes to do the ordering.

I know the merchandise better.

I had a... I had a question.

When... when do I...

You get paid on Fridays,

every two weeks.

Great.

Hi.

I'm Alex. I'm the manager.

- Amy. - Nice to meet you.

And I'm Rick.

- Hi. - Rick.

We talked about this.

Rick doesn't work here.

And you should probably wash your hand.

I'm just kidding.

Okay.

I got a job.

- That's great! - What?

- See, Todd? - Oh.

That's wonderful.

Welcome to the adult world.

- So aren't you gonna tell us what it is?

What are you doing?

- It's kind of an underground art magazine type of thing.

- I... I don't like you working downtown after dark.

That's racist.

- I just want to take a minute to explain

our filing system here

called SPARFS.

It's, uh, sexual preference,

age, race, fetish, size...

kind of like the Dewey decimal system for erotica.

Anyway, this, uh...

this one right here,

uh, they're old;

they're black; and they're gay.

But they wouldn't go in the "old" section.

They'd go in the "gay" area,

'cause they're gay.

Uh, that's the sexual preference.

- Oh, my God. - And then...

You know, and then it'd go in the...

the "old" section and then the "black" section,

uh, the "black" subsection of the "gay, old" section.

Anyway, like any great rule of thumb,