High Maintenance

Well, yeah, but we almost didn't go to Montauk, which is what kills me

because it's like, last minute, our friends decide to elope,

and we went to her parents' summerhouse

just to be supportive and, like, go with the flow,

even though there's so much to do and

we're obviously not even remotely unpacked.

And besides, we left LA to avoid dying in a drought,

not so some tick could murder my baby.

Don't blame the tick, babe. It's the Lyme disease inside the tick

that'll kill our daughter.

Oh, you know what, save that for her eulogy.

Like a ticking time bomb.

That is in poor taste.

- Jim, great job in the kitchen, man. - Really, this isn't funny.

I liked it.

What are you doing right now?

Yeah, let me know how that pen works out, man.

Hey, can I offer you guys

a complimentary housewarming edible?

Oh, that's very kind.

Oh, that's... We're fine, babe.

- Oh. - Okay.

I actually have a colleague who wanted your number.

Can I just give it to her or do you need...

Yeah, sure. Just, um, just text me her name number and address,

and then when she texts me,

just make sure she doesn't say anything about weed.

Make sure she just says she wants to hang out.

- Got it. Cool. - Okay?

That is the cutest baby I've ever seen.

Oh, thanks, so much.

You are so beautiful.

Congratulations. And the new house.

Can I take any of these empty boxes down or anything?

Well, actually, would you mind taking that trash?

- I can smell Jane's diaper. - No, babe.

- You don't need to do that. - Oh, I don't even mind.

- He's helpful. - I'm very helpful.

Yeah, okay. Thank you, bike safe.

Yeah, thank you. I'll take the recyclables too.

Sweet. Thanks, man.

Bye-bye, you guys.

I cannot believe you seriously just asked the weed guy to take out the trash.

He wouldn't ask if he didn't want to.

It's an empty gesture, I think.

We see photos of you with David Bowie's wife, the African model.

You look so beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

That was kind of surreal.

Yeah, I mean, this whole year has been surreal.

Liang has been getting us into some pretty fancy rooms these days.

Oh, Wei, I was meaning to ask you...

Do you have any photos of you and Liang back in the '80s

when he was playing in the subways?

'Cause my friend is making a documentary on musical prodigies

- and Liang is in it. - You get so famous now!

I find you some photos and send

- them to you next week. - Okay.

Give me your address. I don't have your new one since you moved.

- Excuse me. May we please have... - I'll give you Liang's manager's e-mail

- and he'll coordinate the photos. - ...a glass of Sancerre and the check.

Well, have you given some thought about coming to Berlin?

Uh, I think we stay home. His back hurts a lot.

He cannot sit through the six-hour flight.

The seats are first-class. They recline.

Yeah, they're actually really comfortable.

I mean, I slept all the way here.

Sorry. I told you, it's going to be fine.

Solange's dad has like a million frequent flyer miles.

All right? Cost is not going to be an issue.

I know Liang said no gifts, but...

I couldn't help myself.

You cannot delete the Internet.

I think you probably just deleted the shortcut.

Just the shortcut. Yeah, that part right there.

Okay, guys, hey, listen.

Great session today,

but before we go, I just want to say a couple of things.

I still notice that some of you are licking your finger

before you swipe the phone.

You don't need to do that with this technology.

And I'm talking to you, Joon. Okay?

Um, so, uh, that's the other thing.

And then, like, let's try some of the things this week that we learned today.

Let's try FaceTiming with our grandchildren.

Hey, let's use voice-to-text.

Um, and now I'm gonna answer the questions

that you guys text to me before we finish up class.

"IRL" means "in real life."

And just remember, Mary, you don't need to sign your name.

Your contact information comes right up on the screen.

Although "sincerely" is kind of nice.

It's kind of nice to get a sincerely from you.

The Republican pushback has been completely disorganized.

Come on, let's hope that the Obama administration...

You mean to tell me the DNA was planted...

Hey, Jim!

Whoa!

Uh, hi.

Oh, Cookie!

Hey, everybody, this is my daughter, Quinn.

Quinn, this is everybody. Hey!

- Hi! - Hey.

- Quinn! - Hey, mama!

You're who I should be talking to.

My dad says that you run a preschool?

That's my 20-month-old over there, Jane.

Oh, I met her. She's so smiley.

Yeah, she is.

It's actually a preschool for grown-ups.

- Oh... - You should totally check it out.

Isn't that just so fleek?

Oh, Dad, I'm not sure you're quite getting the usage on that yet.

Ha-cha-cha, give me a break. Come on, don't you love it?

She's got all these Wall-Streeters coming in,

doing finger painting and taking naps.

I think it's fabulous.

Yeah. Only Costco's finest, I see.

This is Professor Cupcake. He's one of our instructors.

- Hi, Cupcake. - Hi, Juicebox.

I call her Cookie!

Oh, sounds like a lot of carbs.

Nasim was basically, like, an orphan before me, you know?

I mean, don't you sometimes feel like it's narcissistic

to be like, "Oh, my genes, DNA...

I have to give birth." You know? I...

Oh, I think she's hungry.

Oh, I'm still lactating.

- My younger one is four and... - No, no.

- That's fine, thank you. - Are you sure?

Yes, thank you.

Okay. I think I'm leaking...

Oh, you know what, it's not...

Oh, yeah, come on. I'd rather do that.

It's more direct.

I mean, Jesus Christ! Only in Brooklyn

can you smoke pot all day with your friends

and call it a preschool for adults.

Oh, I don't think there's any pot involved in the preschool.

I think that's about offering adults

a chance to escape from their responsibilities in the city.

As far as I can tell, these people spend every day they're not at Burning Man

decompressing from or getting ready for Burning Man.

I don't know, day raves are really trending right now,

so they might know something we don't.

Oh, really, are day raves on fleek?

- Oh, I know, it's terrible. - Ha-cha-cha.

I know. Stop. I know, he's the worst.

- Ha-cha-cha. - Stop.

In fact, he actually called something

"off fleek" last night. Did you hear that?

He just wants to be one of the cool kids.

Well, and since he started smoking bowls at 11:00 a.m.,

he's forgetting things.

Like the fact that he said he would take Jane on Monday.

Why can't you take her?

Well, I was hoping to go climbing.

Remember, I don't have class 'cause of the holiday.

Oh, well, I'm sorry my super generous dad

who does all this stuff for us can't be there on Monday

and you have to spend time with your own kid.

No, come on. You know that's not what I'm saying. I'm basically just repeating

back things that you say all the time.

- Nah, I say it a little differently. - I'm not attacking his character.

He's just really saving our asses right now, so I think we can let him have this.

The... Oh, yeah.

I might go with him next time.

- To the... a day rave? - Yeah.

Cool.

As long as you can watch Jane.

- Yup. - Great.

I'm so glad you came.

We're gonna have a fabulous time.

No one's gonna make me dance with them, right?

- I can just dance by myself? - No, no, no.

You just do you, Cookie. Everything's gonna be great.

Oh, wow, Gaby Hoffmann.

- Who? - Right there, Gaby Hoffmann.

- You know who she is. - Wait, that's Gaby?

Hey, I know her! Gaby!

Inhale, lift your arms up!

Exhale, and let's om.

Om...

Exhale. Round cat.

Inhale. Cow.

Draw your navel up,

and back to dog.

And breathe.

Sit bones up and back, and stretch.

Open muladhara chakra and stretch your coochie.

What's up? What's up? Good morning, yeah!

- Hi! - Hi.

I didn't realize you were gonna be here so early.

Yeah, I was at that morning dance thing.

Did you get my text about the juice?

Yeah, yeah. I responded, yes.

- I got the green and the beet. - Oh, right, right, right, sorry.

It's just I'm in... I'm in a weird headspace.

It was weird? It was no good?

No, you know what, it was fine.