Man with a Plan

- Hey, Katie. - Hi, uh, Teddy and I want to show Emme

The Princess Bride. Is she old enough?

Yeah. Well, uh, wait.

- Yes. - Yes. Like I said, yes.

Oh, man.

Teddy never puts away his iPad.

Oh, my God.

What?

See for yourself.

That's a naked lady.

On Teddy's iPad.

He's 11.

And there's a naked lady on his iPad?

That's not so bad... it's just the top half.

God, I can't believe

Teddy's going online and looking at pictures of naked women.

And then leaving the computer out.

Rookie mistake.

That doesn't sound like him.

Wait a minute...

Was this you?

No.

I like a little more of a story.

I'm old-fashioned.

Hey, come on, don't you supervise him when he's online?

When he's online? He's online all the time.

If I was gonna watch

what he's doing, I'd have to...

quit my job and give the other two kids away.

Oh, I know.

My precious, innocent Teddy

isn't so innocent anymore.

Now he's-he's just like...

one of you.

Hey.

She's not wrong.

Look at her.

I mean, why is it always some hoochie mama?

I mean, where are the naked doctors?

Naked astronauts?

Naked presidents?

They're out there. Put dot com

at the end of any one of those, you'll find it.

Okay, look... we can't just

let Teddy sit around

and look at the top half of naked women.

- W-What are you gonna do? - What am I gonna do?

- Yeah. - Oh, no, no. You are gonna have

the birds and the bees talk with him.

Oh, the talk?

Oh...

Well, can't that wait until

he starts looking at the bottom half?

Because that's where

the questions come in.

No, Adam, there's no avoiding this.

I do the girls, you do the boy.

It's your job.

All right, fine, I'll handle it.

Thank you.

Oh, and when you talk to him,

d-don't mention the pictures, okay?

We don't want there to be any shame involved.

How do I talk about this stuff without shame?

They go hand in hand.

Yeah, shame's what makes it hot.

Ye...

No, we're not trying to make it hot, Don.

No, and if you want, um,

I got this book

- to give Kate the talk. - Oh.

And the book came with these two

anatomically correct dolls, Sandy and Randy.

Educational body buddies.

They look just like regular dolls.

Oh, well, um...

take a look under that Velcro flap.

Oh!

Looks like Randy just got out of the pool.

Teddy.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, buddy, uh...

You know,

I was just thinking that, uh,

maybe we should have a conversation

about where babies come from.

So, why don't you tell me what you know,

and, uh, I'll fill in the rest.

Okay.

Well, a man and a woman

lie down together, usually in a bed.

Ah, you're a traditionalist.

I like it.

Then a golden egg appears between them.

Uh, a what now?

A golden egg.

The woman eats it and a few months later she has a baby.

Uh-huh.

Then the man falls asleep

and the woman yells at him.

You nailed it, boss.

Yeah.

There you go. Okay.

How did it go with the boy?

Well, one of us is wrong about where babies come from.

And, uh, I'm pretty sure it's him.

So he didn't know anything?

No. So I bailed.

And I think that's okay. I mean,

no one ever had the talk with me.

I did. When you were eight.

I told you babies came out of your butt.

And you believed me.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

That was not cool. Every time I went

to the bathroom I was afraid

I was gonna have a baby.

I got to go back up there.

- Even I know that's the right thing to do. - Yeah.

Hey, come with me. If the two of us are there, it'll seem...

it'll seem more like a casual conversation.

Okay, yeah.

- We're family. - Mm.

- We help each other out. - Okay.

Teddy.

Yeah?

So, uh...

turns out that your

golden egg theory was a little off.

So I'm here

to give you the real story.

And I brought two friends of mine.

This is Sandy

and this is Randy.

And they really, really love each other.

Okay, uh...

hold on to your hat.

And, uh, that's pretty much that.

Now, I know it's a lot

to take in,

but, uh...

You, uh, you doing okay there, buddy?

I, uh...

Here's ten dollars. Buy yourself something nice, okay?

Oh, hey, honey, I have a-a safety meeting at the hospital,

but I brought home some pizza for the...

What happened to you?

Well...

I just put on a pornographic puppet show

for my only son.

Well, hey, you had the talk with Teddy, that's great.

Yeah, and a puppet show, you found a way to make it fun.

I wouldn't call it fun.

I was just gonna give him

the basics, but..

he kept staring at me.

So I kept

filling the silences

with more detail.

You know, and,

and the quieter he got,

the more I explained, and...

and then, 'cause I thought I'd never see happiness

in my son's eyes again,

I gave him ten dollars.

Okay, well, I-I don't know if combining money and sex

is a great first lesson.

I was buying a ticket out of that room.

I would have paid anything.

Was it this horrible when you

had the talk with Katie?

No, but, you know,

mothers and daughters understand each other.

There's a lot more unsaid than said.

Oh, I had to explain everything.

Starting with what goes where.

He had no idea about the where.

And, honestly,

he was a little hazy on the what.

He... but he has a what.

He doesn't know what the what's for.

Okay, but he-he was looking at those pictures,

he must have known something.

Not a clue.

A-And the new information?

- He doesn't love it. - You know what, honey,

he just, he needs some time to process this, that's all.

Like that time in the mall bathroom

when he saw Santa Claus at the urinal.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and Santa said to Teddy

"I'm sorry, I couldn't ho-ho-hold it." Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, he got through that, he'll get through this too.

I don't know. Explaining to him what men and women do,

saying it out loud?

I was just as shocked as he was.

We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Oh, you're in bad shape.

Yeah.

Uh, look, honey, I'm sorry, I can't get out