You're the Worst

You jerk. It's not funny.

Yes, it is. Stop it!

Better Things. All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.

FXX presents You're the Worst.

Hi.

I need a car.

Mr. Collins?

Gretchen?

Hiya.

Wow. Look at you.

Look at... you.

My, oh, my. You're so grown-up.

I always wondered how your face would fill out.

You get these students sometimes and they just don't look

like high school kids.

Every new semester you see

one or two that look more like unformed adults.

So, what's the haps?

You ever become a marine biologist?

Yes, actually.

I'm at the University of Santa Barbara.

I'm a professor emeritus of cephalopod study.

I basically just play with octopuses all day.

Don't you mean octopi?

No, we changed it back to octopuses. -

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, honey. Where are you?

On the plane. We just landed.

Good. Melody's doing fine.

Her cervix is only four centimeters.

That's one tiny cervix.

No, no. I meant th-that's how much it's dilated.

Yes, I know. I-I was joking.

- It was just a little... - Anyway, listen.

I need you to stop by the house and get my eye drops.

And don't forget Banshee.

Right. And don't forget to feed Banshee.

Banshee's still alive?

- Are you deplaning yet? - Excuse me, miss.

Do you need help getting your bag down?

Yeah, I should go.

All right, we'll see you soon.

So, you stopped teaching?

Oh, yup, yup.

Retired.

Oh. Ah.

Now, Gretchen,

can I tell you about our award-winning coverage package?

I'll take all of it.

Shoot.

Looks like all of our standard vehicles are out.

I'll just take whatever you got.

So...

How long are you in town?

Hi, Banshee.

Holy shit. You didn't die?

Hey!

You've really never been to L.A.? -Nope.

Who hasn't been to L.A.?

I don't like the sunshine.

Why, because of the cancer?

What? No. Just...

Yeah, maybe.

Never thought of that.

You should come.

It's great.

The tacos are like...

It's insane. I can't even get into it.

It's great you did this.

I remember we always used to talk

about taking over this place.

No, we didn't.

Are you kidding? Yeah, we did.

Like, all the time.

Buy the roller rink, make it cool.

Make sure Dana Miller can never go in, bitch.

I don't remember that.

Last year the owner died, and they were gonna tear it down,

and I had money from my grandma, so I just...

Anyway, I'm so in debt.

It's not what I thought.

All right, everybody.

It's dance skate time!

If you're not ready to shake your booty

like it did you wrong,

- clear the floor. - Uh, excuse me, no.

You're staying.

No. Seriously. I'll just wait right over there.

No. Seriously.

What happened? You were so sick when I left.

Mm, operations, five in all.

Coupled with the numerous rounds of chemo. Mm.

Science is good.

So, college and then...

Why did you move back here?

I like it here.

Anyway, my family's here.

That's exactly why I don't live here. -

Hello?

It's Dad. Where are you?

It's been a total disaster.

They lost my bags, and then I got home,

and you're out of cat food, and Banshee bit me.

Really? Sorry. We've been so busy.

It's okay, Daddy.

Anyway, I am just on my way to the store now.

- I will be there soon. - Okay, so...

Heidi, this place is just so amazing.

You should do special events.

You should do Eggs and Porn.

- What? - Eggs and Porn.

You serve breakfast,

and also, there's retro porn playing on the TVs.

It's really kitschy and fun. Plus, the posters

are really easy because fried eggs look like boobs.

You realize children are a big part of our clientele?

Just put the TVs up high.

Ladies and gentlemen, the rink is now closed.

- Please return your skates... - We should go to our mall!

Our mall died.

- What?! - Apparently, it's just

stray dogs, meth heads and teens partying now.

This is so sad.

Our mall is dead.

Do you buy everything online now? -Totally.

Then this is your fault.

It is kind of beautiful.

This is crazy!

I know.

First got my ears pierced over there. -

I first got fingered in that dressing room.

Mm.

Yeah.

- 'Sup, shorties? - Hello.

Anyways, it's just a rip-off that our

so-called advisors don't have any... -We used to shop here.

Cool.

You meth heads?

No, we're j-juniors.

Gross.

Where's your booze?

We're just hanging out.

Mm.

Okay.

I'm officially in sense memory overload.

So... what?

You're living here.

Roommates? Boyfriends? Girlfriends?

There isn't much.

I write a little, bike a lot.

Try and keep the rink afloat, mostly.

Yeah, but you're doing it.

You know, the whole big-fish thing?

I have that urge sometimes, just to pack it all in.

What do you have there that's so different?

I already told you about the tacos, right?

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

It was a long time ago.

I should have come to the hospital, though.

Oh, I forgot to tell you!

Guess who is working

at the car rental agency at the airport.

Mr. Collins!

He watches all my Instagram stories.

He's so creepy.

You, uh, know why he got fired, right?

- No. - He was caught

taking up-skirt shots of students.

He posted 'em on the "Panty Sluts" subreddit.

- Gross! - Oh, I knew something was up!

Uh, hey, you guys have a dead mall. You're wasting it