Getting Straight

Line up, please.

Parking permits, locker rentals. Library fines over here.

And please have the right change. I'm not a bank.

Mrs. Stebbins. Mrs. Stebbins. It says see you immediately.

I sent this weeks ago.

Yeah, I know, I know. See, I've been sick in bed for two days,

but as soon as I got it I raced right over.

Well...

Bailey, Harry.

Bailey...

Bailey. Harry Bailey. Bailey.

You owe this university $156 in tuition fees.

But I signed a note.

It was due last week. Well, I'll sign another one.

No, you won't.

No, but look...

In two weeks, I get my master's, then I'll be able to get a teaching credential.

I'll teach and I'll pay you back.

At the end of the week, that's all.

No tuition, no credits, no grades, and no more classes.

Well, look, I mean, I...

Are you infectious?

Just when I cough. You see, I really...

Don't cough.

No, I won't. But you really have to...

Well, make sure.

Hey, Harry, you busy?

Hey, man.

You want to go to the aquarium?

We'll turn on and dig the fish like we used to.

You got any money?

No, I'm tapped out, man.

You still owe me from the bail when you were busted, you know?

Yeah, I know. I got that written down.

Well, that's good.

Hey, say, where have you been for the last couple of days, man?

I've been looking for you. Hey, what's the rush?

I'm late for Wilhunt's class. I got a test.

That's too bad 'cause I met the grooviest spade chick

who loves to ball intellectuals. Yeah?

Yeah, I can set you up.

I can't. I got no time.

That's too bad. I mean, she even let me do it when I showed her my degree.

Yeah, at last, a practical use for your diploma. I got to split.

Come on, Harry, forget the test. We'll turn on. I'll call the chick.

You'd learn more that way, anyway.

I didn't come here to learn more, Nick.

I came here to get my teaching credentials.

Why, Harry? Jesus, why a teacher?

Money, Nick!

Money and power, and little girls to molest! It's a great life!

Harry, you lied to me.

You told me that you were going to be at the free-speech meeting.

No, you lied to me. You said there was going to be free food.

Harry, what happened? What's the matter with you?

Harry, you used to be the great rebel. The great leader.

Harry, what are you afraid of?

Of being late for class.

Harry, in six months from now, the entire military-industrial complex

is going to have us in concentration camps in Arizona.

Don't knock Arizona, Judy. It's a great state.

They have the lowest incidence of lung cancer, homosexuality and crabs.

Harry.

God!

You really scared me. I thought it was somebody from the SPCA.

I've got such guilt about doing this.

Do you have the test papers?

I haven't finished them yet.

Jan, I told Kasper he'd have them before lunch. You knew that.

No test papers, no dinner for the rest of the week.

I know. I know. It's just that I was kind of busy until late last night.

I remember.

I'll have 'em for you, Harry.

I've only got a few more to correct.

Have I ever failed you?

Okay. Right. I'll come back.

You don't have to worry about the SPCA.

What?

Your patient just jumped off the table.

Which poem is that?

Well, Mr. Bailey, nice of you to drop by.

I'd be interested to know how you do

in this test in the next 20 minutes.

When you've completed your test papers,

turn them down, raise your hand

and the monitors will pick them up.

Be sure to mark them clearly... You're going to get an A,

bring up the curve and make it hard for the rest of us.

Don't worry, they're gonna need a lot of teachers.

Are you kidding?

Who wants to be a teacher?

I thought you did.

Don't be ridiculous.

Do you know how much a teacher makes in this state?

Yeah, more than a secretary, and less than a hooker.

Someplace in between there.

I trust your grade will not reflect your lack of attention.

Of course, for those who allow their averages to drop,

I wouldn't be too concerned. Mr. Bailey.

I'm told that South Vietnam is very pleasant this time of year.

Not really, Dr. Wilhunt.

You see, it's the rainy season.

And on the Mekong Delta we used to get these fantastic mudslides

that used to wash down and open up all the shallow graves.

So, if you really want to enjoy yourself

I would go in the late summertime.

I'll see you in my office at 11:00.

See if you can make it promptly at 11:00.

Hey, Harry, wait a minute.

I can't. I'm late.

Okay, I got your book. I'll get it later.

Hey, come on, man. Hey, the book's here.

I read it and we're drafting the constitution tonight.

Great.

Hey, now, wait. Now, wait, wait, wait.

Look, I hear you were pretty active in the movement

back in the "ban the bomb" days.

We could really use you there tonight.

Yeah, look, I'd love to, but I got

about 500 years of English lit

to read before Friday morning.

Yeah, man, look, we got 300 years

of being treated like a bunch of puke.

Now, Harry, look, we've got to have

a Black Studies Department on this campus,

and you can't give us an hour of your time?

Sorry, I can't. Not this week.

Yeah, you remember, baby, without us, you ain't got no causes.

You just got a bunch of bored white kids

trying to solve their acne problem with their old man's money.

Without us, you don't have a social revolution.

That's terrific, Ellis, I like things just the way they are.

I mean, I got 18 cents in my pocket, you know that?

18 cents. My car runs on one gear.

I'm probably going to flunk out

and the last meal I had was yesterday morning.

So good luck with your race. I've got my own to run.

Hey, Harry, look.

Now, that's cop-out time, Harry.

That's cop-out time. I know where your head's at.

I know you do. And I know where your head's at.

I've been watching it for the last five minutes.

Hey, man, you don't have to worry about that.

I don't want to marry your sister.

You, marry my sister?

Ellis, I will arrange it for you, man!

With the analyst and the astrologist and the two neurotic kids

and the payments on the pool.

And the bill for the hysterectomy.

You can be husband number four she wipes out.

Stop trying to join up, will you?

You gotta be better than we are!

Hey, we already are in certain areas.

Yeah, I notice.

How come that's the only stereotype

none of you ever bother to deny?

Dr. Wilhunt, I was just on my way.

Listen, I'll try turning on the water. Sometimes it helps.

You know, Mr. Bailey, it happens every year in my class.

There's always one dedicated know-it-all who feels called upon

to criticize the teaching practices of this department,

who's just got to save the youth and change the system.

This year the smart-ass is you.

Why are you doing so poorly, Harry?

I thought I was doing fine.

If this machine gives me a good grade on today's test,

I'll have a three-point average, even with the absences.

You here speak to the machine, you see.

But I have been getting damn good grades.

I have my own yardstick.

Considering I should get the best average.

Now, let me describe it from my perspective.

Attitude and discipline are also part

of this course and yours are rotten.

Do you really want to be a teacher, Harry?

Yes, I do. Very much.

Well, that's nice. That's interesting. I suppose you do.

Returning to school after a six-year absence.

It might be interpreted as some sort of dedication.

Why do you want to be a teacher, Harry?

I mean, really.

Well, I think it's very important.

Well, we all do, but what else?

Well, look, if people are smart enough to build this...

This concrete erection, you know what I mean?

They got to be smart enough to finally learn how to live in it.

Yeah, I know what you mean. You come into a classroom,

and there on the fourth row is a boy, and you read his composition,

"How I Spent My Summer Vacation,"

and suddenly you realize that,

in 10 years, with a little help, a little push,

perhaps another Salinger. That's it, isn't it?

Okay.

And what about the other 35 boys, Harry?

What about the other 175 boys and girls

you're going to see the rest of the day in the other English classes?

The green dots, Harry. The mean.

You're talking about the red dots. The special ones.

With a passing thought to the blues.

But what about the green, and what about the little gray ones?