Devil's Acid

Deflection is good.

Off the post!

Now out of the zone in the center of the ice.

Look out!

Oo, just missed it.

Dumps it off and chases on the fly.

Westridge now pouring in off the bench.

What a hit!

What the hell, Man?

What are you doing out of bed?

I can't go to sleep.

Tell me a story.

Tell you a story?

A scary story.

You want me to tell you a scary story?

Yep.

I'm trying to watch the game.

Please.

Okay, you want a scary story?

I'll tell you a scary story.

Let's see, ah, I got one for you.

Once upon a time there was a guy named Johnny.

You see, the thing you got to know about Johnny is,

Johnny is an asshole.

What the fuck is this?

It is your lunch, Señor Johnny.

No, you ignorant Wetback.

Is this metal?

Sí, Señor Johnny, that is a metal spoon.

How many times have I said that I cannot eat

with metal utensils?

I follow a strict Edo Period Macrobiotic Diet

which means no metal.

I apologize Señor Johnny,

I can bring you a plastic...

Plastic, are you loca Señorita?

Wood, I need wood.

I apologize Señor Johnny.

It's okay.

Now, come here.

It's too late, you've already tainted it with the metal.

Forget it, I'll get something later.

No.

Go get the hypoallergenic cloth, then wipe it up.

Sí, Señor Johnny.

Like two little piglets wrestling under a blanket.

How many kids do you have, Lucia.

Seis, Señor Johnny.

And that's why you're not invited.

Those things must just fall out at this point.

Stop!

Stop!

You freaking taco, what do you think you're doing?

Ah, sí, Señor Johnny.

What, what are you saying?

Speak English.

Ah, no hablo Ingles, Señor Johnny.

Hablo Español,

No salt, the salt you idiot.

I said you only pour salt in the pool

with Pink Himalayan Sea Salt.

Ah, sí, Señor Johnny, yeah.

Abominable blazario.

Oh my God, no, Himalayan.

Alejandro, Alejandro!

Yes, Sir. Yes, Sir.

Yes, Sir.

Will you please translate Jose for me?

I don't speak Spanish, Mr. Johnny.

Your name is Alejandro, how could you not speak Spanish?

Sir, my actual name...

Señor Johnny, you have to forgive my husband.

He's having mental problems, you know he did not...

What is that?

The micro-antibacterial rag.

No, no, those are my boxers.

Give me that.

Aiesha!

Aiesha!

What the fuck, Aiesha?

Seriously, how dumb are you?

Why in the Philippians, would you but my white boxers

in with my brand new red sheets?

Well, Mr. Johnny, if you brought me that...

Damn these bloody bitches.

Why is it so hard to get fucking laid.

You, you can do it.

I ain't sleeping with you, Mr. Johnny.

You wish.

Now go get this chick and drop her off where I tell you.

I ain't a taxi service.

Besides, you have one of them pick her up.

You're whatever Ben Franklin says you are.

Besides, those fence fairies clown car

probably smells like refried beans and Tampico.

And if I don't?

Then you're out of a job.

Thank you, Mr. Johnny.

It's been a real pleasure working for you.

Okay, what do you want?

I want an invite.

It's for hot girls only.

Well, it looks like you're going to be one hot girl short.

Goodbye, Mr. Johnny.

Okay, fine, wait.

I'll text you the address when I'm on the road.

Hey, don't short change me

on the weeding and shit, Alejandro.

Got my eye on you.

Don't make me call immigration.

Why isn't my shit loaded yet?

I'll get right on it, Mr. Johnny.

Did he just threaten to call immigration on y'all?

He still thinks we're fucking Mexicans.

I mean, do we look Mexican to you?

You know damn well I ain't no Mexican.

I got to go guys.

I got to run an errand for Mr. Johnny.

Jennifer, we need to go get Brittany from the club.

Who the hell is Brittany.

Hey, you friends of Johnny's?

Get in.

Woo, that's that I'm talking about!

Party time!

Woo!

Okay, remember now, Johnny can't know that we're dating.

Luke, we've been dating for a year

and I still haven't met your brother.

Yeah, but Johnny's a big prick,

I don't think you want to meet him.

Are you sure this is going to be safe?

Yeah, why would it not be safe?

What if he tries to sleep with me?

I don't think he's going to be trying to sleep with you.

How do you know that?

Cause you're not his type, he only likes fun girls.

Motherfucker.

He expects us to walk.

Damn it.

You know, it's really cool that you don't have a radio.

Gave us a chance to talk, you know.

Really get to know each other

and connect on a spiritual level.

Hey, should I come with you?

Totally feeling you, Man.

We should be quiet, take in the nature that surrounds us.

I think we have to walk.

Yeah, it's just like you could feel the ora of people,

you know, it's like it radiates off of them, you know.

Like Brittany's ora is kind of like dark, you know.

Yours is like, like I can feel that you feel me, you know.

It's like that time Johnny walked into the vape shop.

Ah, like, I knew there was something different.

Just something about his ora.

Do you hear the bells?

Oh my God.

This is so fucking cool, Man.

You two really make a cute couple.

Oh, we're not a couple.

I'm just a random hot girl he found on the street.

Street?

Oh my God, no, no you should really try dancing instead.

It's how Johnny and I meet.

She's not a hooker.

Oh, well either way, dancing is amazing for the body.

Like seriously, you should see what it does...

She's not going to be a stripper either.

I'm a CPA actually.

So, you like to watch people pee?

I wonder why Aiesha's here?

Oh my God, I am so glad that they brought Aiesha

I bet she's here to do the laundry.

I don't think this place has running water.

Wait, what?

Where's Johnny?

How the hell should I know?

Welcome everybody, please have a seat.

Hear ye, hear ye, I officially commence

this years haunted hot girl and one black bitch challenge.

No, no, no, you see it's okay, cause he's an asshole.

What are you doing out of bed?

Just getting some water.

What's he doing out of bed?

He couldn't sleep so I'm telling him a story.

How many beers has he had?

Stolen and clear to the center,

down the ice.

They're just hanging on now with 2:36 to go.

Up to the line gathering speed.

That pass does not connect.

His stories are better when he's drunk.

Alright. Continue.

So, anyway, where was I?

Mm, yeah I got it.

Alright, haunted hot girl...

Girl and one black bitch challenge.

The rules are simple.

You spin the gun and wherever it lands

is where you stay for the night.

If you leave, you're disqualified.