Shameless

Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.

Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives

they were given by him upstairs.

And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.

Wicked.

Piss off.

What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing

money or wives in your face.

Because this, people reckon, and me included,

is why pubs and drugs were kindly

invented, to calm us all down, to stop us going mental.

These are chaps with the state.

basic essentials we are worth every penny

for grinding your axes.

Are not as good as your parents success

Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,

who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.

Make poverty history.

Cheaper drugs now!

Make poverty history.

Cheaper drugs now!

Scatter!

You might be beyond the help of beauty sleep, Frank,

but I'm not.

Hey, inner beauty is the measure of the man.

I earned this face.

Ooh, pecky, pecky.

Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I?

Is it not monstrous that this player here, but in fiction,

in a dream of passion, could force

his soul so to his own conceit.

They would drown the stage with tears

and cleave the general ear with horrid speech.

Fuck off.

Fuck off, Frank.

Make mad the guilty and appall the free.

Confound the ignorant and amaze indeed the very faculties

of eyes and ears.

Yet, am I, Vernon Francis Gallagher,

a rogue and peasant slave?

Did I say nothing my cause.

What was my cause?

What nature of man have I been?

Ah!

Fucking Shakespeare.

What a cunt.

Come on.

Read it.

In the government of which country did Canana Banana

serve in the 1970s and '80s?

Banana?

It's not a real name. False.

It's not a true or false question.

All right, true then.

You need to name the country.

I'm not bothered, Debbie.

Ian.

I'm going to turn it down.

We're playing a game.

What's the answer, Liam?

Zim, Zim.

Zimbabwe.

Your turn, Carl.

Five.

One, two, three, four, five.

I'm in the center!

Can I read it?

No.

After which Italian explorer is the USA named?

- It's Amerigo Vespucci. - Shut up.

Oh.

Didn't they teach you that at Uni?

How you doing?

America Amerigo Vespucci.

Hello, mate.

High five. - Amerigo Vespucci.

He told you.

Game abandoned.

How did you get here?

Hitched.

Took me fucking eight hours.

Do you want a cuppa, prodigal son, or something stronger?

I'd love one.

Spots have cleared up.

Oh, thanks, Mum.

Hello, baby.

That's not fair.

Missed you too.

I've never won before.

Shut up.

Twinkle, twinkle.

Mama.

Wave.

Wave to Mummy.

Mama.

Clever girl.

When did she learn that?

Few weeks ago.

Feel like I'm missing out on everything.

Don't be daft.

Can't be in two places at once, can you?

Besides, she's a total Daddy's girl.

What?

You're not union, are you, you lazy student ligger.

It's hardly a lay-in, is it?

I thought you wanted to pick up a shift.

- I do. - 10 minutes.

Nice one.

This is brilliant.

How much it costs in sharps.

A lot more than what I pay for it.

If you're going to have a wank, at least lock the door.

Weren't wanking.

You're sick.

I'm not wanking.

Out of the way.

I weren't wanking.

I were--

What?

I were praying.

At least make it believable.

I was.

I haven't had my end away since Meena.

I've got bollocks like footballs.

You think Jesus is going to help

me get some girl on her back thinking of England?

I don't want to think of England.

I know what you want.

And praying isn't going to get it you.

How not?

See you for lunch.

Come on, we'll be late.

Quite the little Anthea Turner these days, aren't you?

Not letting Granny get under our skin today, are we, Katie?

You tell her, not today, Granny.

I'm too young to be called Granny.

Say Monica.

Monica.

Monica.

Why won't God help me?

Mainly because he doesn't exist.

No blaspheming in front of the children, Debbie.

I'm an atheist.

People have miracles.

I saw it in a documentary.

A bloke were crippled, got dipped in a Grotty,

and then he could walk again.

In a Grotty?

Maybe an agnostic.

Haven't decided yet.

Religion is all just superstition left over

from when we lived in caves.

I mean, we didn't know how the sun rises in the morning

and the crops grow in the summer.

It's just a way of explaining things

that we don't comprehend.

That has been blocked for two months.

Four times you've done that. - It's early.

I forgot.

And there's no fucking milk. - Come on.

Cleverer people than you believe in God, Debbie.

Where did you read that?

He are OK?

It's not my fault we live in a celebrity obsessed culture.

Is everything all right?

Oh.

No everything is not all right.

I just woke up with this sheet on me head.

And I know for a fact I did not join the fucking Ku Klux Klan.

Your breath was causing all the patients to feel nauseous.

Oh?

Distracting them from the MRSA, was it?

Keep your voice down, please.

Waking the dead, are we?

Hello.

Anybody home?

You see a bright light, walk towards it.

Oh, God.

More than I can do.

Jesus.

Oh.

Looks like a black pudding.

I don't think so.

I don't fucking shit me.

What's all?

What's what is, what does NFA mean?

Notify family afterwards.

After what?

We did some tests when you were under.

Right.

You're suffering from aortic stenosis.

When it's at home, love.

There's an obstruction to your aortic valve, not enough

blood getting to your heart.

So, what is it, like it's a pill or something to.

No pill, Mr, uh.

Gallagher, Frank Gallagher.

No operation.

This is a terminal diagnosis.

Truth is, if you make it to the weekend,