Ali G Indahouse

[ Siren blaring, tires screeching ]

Go ahead and disregard the chase. We got him.

That, uh--

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge.

*

*I'm Coming Straight Out of compton *

*When Something Happens In south central Los Angeles nothing happens *

*It's Just Another Nigger Dead, dead, dead *

*Straight Out Of Compton

*Crazy Motherfucker Name ice cube *

*From The Gang Called Niggers with attitude *

*Ak-47 Is The Tool

*Don't Make Me Out The motherfucking fool *

*As I Leave Believe I'm scarred, baby *

*When I Come Back, Boys I'm coming straight out of compton, compton, compton *

My friend said he saw you with ramon comacho. Shut up, ho! It ain't true, ricco.

It's time to teach both of you a lesson.

I wouldn't do that if I was you.

You better step back,ese, unless you want me to bust a cap in your ass.

This is my 'hood. And these girls belong to me.

Belong? That is a very sexist way to talk about these bitches.

Bonjour. Je m'appelle ali.

J'habitein staines.

You made me use me last tissue.

Me ain't got another one now.

You what? Speak to the hand,

'cause the face, it ain't listening.

- -

Sorry.

No!

Life is the most precious gift that jah has given us.

Unlucky.

Mm, you saved us. I justreally want to thank you.

Mm.

I'ah, dios mio! That's gonna need the two of us.

Mmm. Here. Let me help you with that.

*Boy, I'm Gonna Make you love me make you want me *

*And I'm Gonna Give You Some attention * Mm, that's nice.

* That's very nice. Oh, yes, please.

Mmm. Thank you very much.

Oh, that's good, babe.

- oh, 2 pac, no! -

Whatever.

- oh, yeah, baby. Play with the balls. -

Oh, good dog.

Ali, are you awake? For real.

Ally pally, do you know how very late it is?

And you're still in bed all asleep.

- sorry, nana. - *It's Nice To Get Up In the morning *

Get off.

*Four Or Five Or Six O'clock In the good old summertime *

*But When The Winter Comes And it's snowing out *

*It's Nice To Get Up In the morning *

*But Better To stay in bed *

- - ah, that's better.

Ally pally, it's not nice to play with yourpupik when nana's in the room.

- come on. You're teaching your class today. - oh, wicked.

Out of bed, choppy-chop.

*Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive

*Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive

*Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive

*Wicked Original *

- *Booyaka, Booyaka - *

*Booyaka, Booyaka Booyaka, booyaka *

*Booyaka, Booyaka

*

*

- yo, yo. A'ight. A'ight. A'ight. -

Respect. So, what's goin' down in staines town, my nigga?

Yo, nigga, we just be cold chillin', kicking back, suckin' on some gin and juice,

laid back. Laid back?

All right. For real.

Jezzy, is you wearing green?

I knew it. You is defecting to the iver heath posse, isn't it?

Come on, let's stab him. Hold on, wait!

Me mum put me yellow top in the wash with my brother's blue football socks,

even though they ain't colorfast.

All right, but you tell that slag that in the ghetto...

Washing non-colorfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life.

Will you boys move? I've told you before. It's a fire risk.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, my brother. What's the problem? Huh?

We just four brothers chillin' out on the sidewalk, maxin', relaxin'.

It ain't too taxin'. Boof. Move!

Okay. Yeah. We'll just sit on the bench. Yes.

*

De east staines massiv.

Well, if it ain't the west staines massiv outside their precious center.

Booyakasha!

Wikity-waketysha! Boo!

Eastside is the best. Shhhh.

Westside is the best.

- eastside is the best. - westside is the best.

- westside is the best. - eastside is the best.

- - shit. I meant westside is the best.

Anyways, you is on our turf.

Once you past the bumblebees day nursery,

just before you get to the mini-roundabout-- you know, on elmsleigh gardens--

then you is in the westside, oh, yeah? We don't care.

Your mama is so fat...

That when she volunteered to clean the cages at the zoo,

people walk by and say, "look at that hippopotamus."

That ain't fair. It's glandular.

Let's leave these batty boys behind. Hey, your mama don't think so.

*

- slow down! -

Stop!

- eastside! - what a flippin' loon. He's gonna get himself killed.

Hey, yo, yo, g. It's the lapd, man.

Yeah? And?

Oh, man! You are one bad mofo, man.

- *I Is Feelin' It You rockin' it * - *I'm Feelin' It

*I'm Checkin' It *I'm Doin' It

*I'm Feelin' It *I'm Kissin' It

*I'm Checkin' It *Nice

* *Wicked

*Wicked *Follow Me

*Wicked Now, Wicked Now Wicked *

*Me Got The Chicken Me like the chicken *

*Me Got The Chicken Wicked A rockin' and a flickin' *

*We Got With The

*A To The L To the I to the g *

*Ali G That's me, that's me *

*A To The L To the I to the g *

*That's G That's me, that's me *

*R To The I To The C To the k to the y *

*That's Ricky C Ricky c to the c to the c *

*Ricky C, Ricky-- Oh, wait a sec. I's gonna be late for me class. Let's go.

Crack cocaine is destroying our community.

So when a brother makes it through, they deserve our respect.

So let's big it up for darren,

who's been clean and off the crack now for eight years.

- eight and three-quarter years. - whatever.

Me don't want to say this, but most of you ain't never gonna see 11.

Booka! Drive-bys.

Look, he's crying. Homo, homo.

Hey! We'll have none of that language here.

- the word is "batty boy." - batty boy!

Batty boy! Better! Now, everybody up.

'Cause it's time to give out this week's badges.

First, big it up for me main man andy...

Who has finally got his hot-wiring badge...

And his advanced swearing badge. Shit off, you hairy dog's cock.

Respect. And since you is got your fifth badge,

you has also earned your second slit.

Hopefully one day, you'll get to be tyrone's level.

Tryrone, if you's get any better, we is gonna have to start doing your pubes, a'ight?

I don't have any.

Well, I have got millions.

Now, remember, without realness, we is nothing.

So, posse, keep it real.

Keep it real! Keep it real!

Now on the streets, you is gotta know that your homey...

Will take a cap in his ass for you.

So let's start with a very basic trust exercise.

One, two, three.

- ali, can I have a word? - sure.

It's about the center.

Now I know how much these classes mean to you...

- and how much the kids enjoy them. -

But I'm afraid the government is withdrawing our funding.

They're closing down the john nike leisure center.

You what?

How is these kids gonna make it out of the ghetto now?

They'll have to go somewhere else. Somewhere else?

Do you know what this center means to them? And to me?

This is the spiritual home of the west staines massiv.

This is like what mecca is to the jews.

It's like what Kentucky is to chickens.

And it was here where me first felt me julie's...

Ali, there's nothing you can do.

Now, you better go and tell the kids.

I ain't never gonna let them close us down.

Keep it real. Yeah?

Dinner with the belgian prime minister at 8:00.

Nato briefing in half an hour.

And the deputy prime minister urgently wishes to speak to you.

Has he heard the poll results yet? Excuse me. I wish I hadn't.

Gallup's putting us 22 points behind.

What about mori? Twenty-three points behind.

The youth vote's deserting us in droves.

All our focus groups suggest we're out of touch. Maybe we are. I know I am.

Don't be ridiculous. Are we gonna lose this by-election, david?

No chance. We haven't lost staines in 20 years, and we're not about to start now.

We just have an image problem.

We have to find a candidate who will improve that image.

Somebody young.

Somebody ethnic. Somebody in touch.

Exactly, prime minister. You're absolutely right, david.

What we got to find is an outstanding candidate...

Who's intellectually superior, who can guarantee us victory.

Easy now, Mrs. Hugh. Booyakasha.

Is me julie about? Safe. She's upstairs.

Hello, baby. I's been missing you so much today.

You is looking so fine.

- all I want to do is pull your panties down-- - ali?

Oh, hello, me julie.

Stop feeling up nina and get in here.

Sorry. I got confused. Strange how you never get confused with tracy, isn't it?

- hello, ali. - hello.

You know you's me only bitch-- ho.