Son of a Critch

Adult mark: Mere minutes to three...

On a weekend!

I could almost taste the freedom.

Sister rose: Children!

As you know, tonight is bonfire night.

Burn, baby, burn!

-Do you know why they light the fire, children?

-We covered this in my monarchist's club.

Guy fawkes tried to blow up parliament in 1605

And kill king james I.

So people light fires ever since to celebrate his failure.

-Guy fawkes was a catholic, mr. Critch.

He was a hero, not a villain!

He wanted to blow up the protestant king

To spark a catholic revolution.

He was tortured in the tower of london.

He was drawn and quartered.

The bonfires they lit were to burn his holiness,

The pope, in effigy.

When you burn a bonfire, children, you burn a catholic,

And you warm yourselves on the flames of hell!

Have fun.

-Oh, uh, I'm walking over to dad's.

There's a bonfire by his place.

-I thought he moved around the bay.

-Yeah, but housing don't know that.

Mom says her name's still on it, so shag him.

-Sounds complicated. -Don't get me started.

Parents are some childish.

So, wanna come?

Oh, uh... I dunno.

It sounds dangerous.

I-- I've never been to one before.

They don't have them on my street.

-That's 'cause your street's a highway.

Sounds fun.

I just gotta call home when we get there.

Come on, don't be such a wuss.

-Bit'a fire can't hurt ya. -Yes, it can.

That's why they have a fire department!

Adult mark : It was a different kind of fire

That burned in my heart.

-Okay, fine. I'm in too.

You guys do have a hose, right?

Fox: No.

Mary: Oh, mike, get down off there!

You'll break your neck.

-I'm testing the smoke detectors.

I gotta do a ride-along with the cops tonight

So I can't be home.

Whole city's liable to burn down again tonight.

Adult mark : I came by my fear of fire honestly.

-St. John's hasn't burned since 1892.

-Because of smoke detectors! -Mm-hm...

-Every sleeveen with a pack'a matches

Is gonna be out roaming the streets tonight!

-Is there anything here that I can burn?

Absolutely not!

-Ah, my club's having a party and it's byob:

"bring your own bonfire."

The b'ys are coming by later on to collect some stuff,

But we don't have anything worth burning.

What about that old thing?

I'm sick of looking at it.

-Oh, I'd love to, but I can't lift him.

Not funny.

-I was talking about the chair. I hate that filthy old thing.

My chair?

But this is a beautiful antique!

You just don't have an eye for beautiful things.

I mean, look at the lines on this thing.

Will you frig off?!

it's ugly.

That chair is off-limits!

-Mike, will you shut that thing off?!

I'm trying to!

Mary: damn thing!

Pop: Whoa, whoa!

Jeez... Whoa.

Ooh...

Mm-hm...

-You are not gonna burn my broom!

However would you get around?

Ah, well!

I suppose I could...

Use these batteries.

I mean, they may blow up real good.

Fox: One year it got totally out of control.

It was massive, and like, they had to call people,

But it was so cool.

-Maybe a bad time to use your phone?

Mom?

Wait.

Is everything okay?

Officer: And that's when I caught him

Stealing propane tanks off'a decks.

-What the hell has gotten into you?

-I was just gonna throw them in the bonfire for a laugh, is all.

-Oh my god, I hates ye staying here!

Nothing but trouble! Your father frigs off

To cape broyle and here I am--

-Look, if I catch him out again tonight--

-That you will not. I'm not letting you out of my sight!

-Oh, come on! I gotta be somewhere.

So?

We were all gonna go to the fire,

But now you shagged that up too!

Officer: You're lucky I got somewhere to be

Or I'd take ya in.

You're almost 18.

And it won't be the boys home for him then.

-Look, ever since his father took off,

It's been one thing after another.

I'm on my last nerve!

-Mom can't take much more of this.

It's not fair to her.

And you could go to jail.

they won't press charges

If they knows what's good for 'em.

I got friends now, ya know?

Listen, I need you to do something for me.

Oh, frig off!

My friends seen that cop car.

Do you know how embarrassing that is?

-Fine, I'll get our brother to do it.

No, no.

Leave him alone.

That's just what mom needs now, huh?

He's trying to stay out of trouble.

-I just need something picked up is all, okay?

If I'm not there to get it, I will be in a lot of trouble.

-Oh, yeah? Worse than the cops?

Yeah.

Last time, okay? I swear.

And then I'll be good.

For mom.

Adult mark: A thousand scenarios

Played through my mind, each one worse than the last.

Maybe someone broke in.

-I don't think robbers rob other robbers.

-Uh, hey! What's up? I mean in general.

Whatever's going on is none of our business.

Unless you wanted to share--

I need to go get something.

We're gonna miss the bonfire!

I've gotta go get a package.

My brother's in trouble.

-I thought I saw a cop car. Is he--

-Not that. Worse.

If you had to do something bad

But it was to protect someone that you care about...

Is it still bad?

Yes.

Maybe you should tell an adult.

-Forget it. I'll just do it myself.

-Whatever it is, he probably deserves it.

Adult mark: Wherever she was going

Was more dangerous than any bonfire.

But like a moth to a flame, I couldn't help myself.

Wait, you can't be serious!

I'd do it for you too!

-I still haven't even called home!

Guys...

Wait up!

-There ya are. -Let's go, c'mon.

You just missed your friends.

Oh.

Did you give 'em something to burn?

Yup.

You didn't!

-Told you I was sick of lookin' at it.

-You're gonna have to take me down there!

I gotta stop them!

-Oh, don't be so foolish. I'll get ya another chair.

-There's more to that chair than meets the eye.

Come on!

Fine.

I actually can't wait to watch that thing burn.

-Mike critch, vocm news, on a ride-along with the police

As they patrol the horrific hellfire, the flood of flame,

The destructive dystopia, of bonfire night.

Stay inside, dampen your walls.

Mike critch, vocm pyro-patrol.

Adult mark : I'd never seen anything like it.

Part block party, part wicker man.

It's not safe.

-You think it's safer to stay here and play with fire?

Yes.

There's more than one way to get burned.

Think of it as a quest.

Like lord of the rings.

-I didn't read lord of the rings.

How does it end?

-I don't know. I didn't read it either.

-Hey! Stop yer gawkin'.

Come on, will ya?

-Okay, this is a shortcut. We can hop the fence.

Why can't we just go around?

It's twice as far that way.

You need to call home, right?