The Big Bang Theory

Oh, dear.

Penny, have you been recording shows

on our DVR again? No.

Answer honestly. This is not a trial.

That'll come later.

Absolutely not.

Help me out here. I can't afford another demerit.

Yeah.

Uh... maybe we were hacked.

You know, the Chinese have been hacking everything lately.

Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop?

I don't know.

It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere.

I'm deleting it.

Well, hang on.

Maybe the Chinese haven't finished watching it yet.

You know, if you're trying to make space on the DVR,

why don't you just get rid of

some of the stuff you've already watched?

Like, um... Alphas.

No, that's the season two finale.

That was quite the cliffhanger.

I'm going to re-watch it before season three starts.

There is no season three. They canceled that show.

Well, they can't cancel it.

It ended on a cliffhanger.

They did. Uh, Sheldon,

there are two dumplings left. Do you want them?

Dumplings?

Don't you understand what's going on here?

As a rule, no.

That show ended with all the residents of New York

either dead or unconscious.

Now I'll never know what happened.

Well, why don't you make up your own ending?

Oh, sure, what a wonderful idea.

And after that,

I'll make up my own rules of oral hygiene.

You know, instead of flossing, I'll rub pudding on my gums.

I'm going to get the number of the SyFy Channel

and give them what for.

Oh, please, don't do that.

No. They can't just cancel a show like Alphas.

You know? They have to help the viewers let go.

Firefly did a movie to wrap things up.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book.

Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season

till we were grateful it ended.

I feel bad for whoever gets that phone call.

Ah, don't.

If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds,

they shouldn't have started a sci-fi channel.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

I think you're gonna be really happy

with this security camera.

The optics are great,

it's got infrared technology,

and there's even

a backup battery when the power goes out.

Whatever.

I can see my little princess

while I'm at work, right?

Why can't you just watch porn like a regular guy?

I need your laptop so I can configure the software.

Wait, hold on.

This is weird.

What?

I was Googling that girl I've been dating,

and I found her blog.

Cool.

Anything juicy?

She said she recently went on a date

with a guy named Roger?

And he's Indian?

And he's an astrophysicist, too?

You know what's going on, don't you?

Yes.

Mummy was right.

American girls are sexually voracious devils.

I can't believe I have to explain this.

People change names on blogs to protect their privacy.

Roger is Raj.

Oh.

I always thought, if I had a white name,

it would be Gavin.

Keep reading. What does it say?

No, no, I don't know if I should.

If she wanted me to know about her blog, she would've told me.

It's almost like I'm reading her diary.

That's exactly what it's like. Keep reading.

No, this is creepy.

Oh, I think we were looking at creepy in the rearview mirror

when I put up that camera.

It's not creepy. Don't listen to him.

Oh, look who's got the sweetest kisses.

Should I go?

With all the TV Sheldon was talking about,

I had the greatest idea ever.

It even blows away my idea

for a Star Wars themed coffee shop called "Brewbacca's."

You need to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It is the perfect show for the two of us.

It's got action and jokes

and hot vampires and romance. I cannot oversell this!

What do you say?

It's 6:30 in the morning.

I thought you grew up on a farm.

Hello, SyFy Network?

Yeah, this is your vice president of programming.

Now, we have made a horrible mistake regarding Alphas.

Yeah, we need to uncancel it immediately.

Well, you just put me through to the people who handle that,

you tell them it's me,

and I don't want to answer a lot of questions

about if I really am who I say I am, you know?

I just... I want this done.

No, I am not the person who just called.

That man was clearly a cowboy.

Yeah, who was plumb concerned

about y'all canceling his favorite show.

Why do they keep hanging up on me?

I'm sorry you're upset.

You know, Sheldon, sometimes people seek the comfort

of physical contact in moments like this.

I am not flying back to Texas

just so my mom can give me a hug.

Okay.

Well, what I think is going on here

is you have a pathological need for closure.

Oh, that's nonsense.

I mean, you tell me stories about your day all the time.

I don't care how they end.

You know, I might be able to help you with this.

There's a whole field of behavioral neuroscience

that examines ways to retrain your neural pathways

so stuff like this bothers you less.

Yeah, but I just told you,

I don't have a problem with closure.

You sure about that?

Oh, quite sure.

That proves nothing.

Ready to go to lunch?

Do you think I'm feminine?

Yeah. Let's go.

Thanks a lot.

What's going on?

I broke down, and I read Lucy's blog.

And in one of the entries,

she said, when we first met,

I struck her as a little feminine.

Just a little?

That's great.

I have to talk to her about this.

Oh, geez, why do you girls

always want to talk about things?

Listen to me,

if she's writing about your relationship,

use it to your advantage.

Rig the game.

Well, that doesn't seem fair.

Is it fair that girls like confident, normal guys

more than nervous weirdos?

No, it's not.

I've always thought that was unfair.

So take what's in that blog

and use it to get her pants off.

Why do you have to make everything so filthy?

Why couldn't you just say the blog is like

her giving me the key to her heart?

"The key to her heart."

That's nice.

Were you quoting someone

or is it tattooed on the small of your back?

I was quoting a man

who knows a thing or two about women:

Sir Elton John.

So, did you love it?

Of course you loved it. How could you not love it?

Tell me how much you loved it.

It was cute.

Oh, don't say cute.

That's the worst.

W's wrong with cute?

It just makes things seem small.

It diminishes them.

So you want me to stop calling your little tushy cute?

You can try, but nobody's gonna believe you.

I just... I don't understand how you can watch a show that great

and not be excited by it.

I liked it. I'm excited.

Well, then, tell your face.

What do you want from me?

You know what?

Never mind. We gave it a shot.

Let's just see what else is on.

Oh, come on, don't be like that.

Well...

I'm sorry I called it cute.

Let's watch another one. Really?

Yeah, it was fun.